Asking Why

I had an incredible chat last week with a beautiful, wonderful lady.  I have been mentoring her for awhile and last week she had a huge "A-ha!" moment.  She mentioned that she couldn't stop the obsession she had to be skinny.  It was in her every thought whether it was about how much she weighed or what to eat or what not to eat or berating herself for what she did eat because all those things equated to whether or not she was skinny enough.  So I asked her the question, "Why do you need to be skinny?"  She responded that if she wasn't, then she wasn't good enough.  I then asked her "What happens when you're not good enough?"  She said, "Then there's no point of existing."  So basically, her belief was that if she wasn't skinny, then there was no point in living.  Can you see how that core belief would govern her whole existence?  No wonder that was all she thought about!  No wonder she was obsessed with being skinny!  Because if she wasn't skinny, then she would feel like an absolute failure not just at being skinny, but at living.

Favorite Quote #59:

We don't see things as they are.  We see things as we are.

Our beliefs determine our reality.  Our perception of ourselves determines our perception of the world.   Recognizing this core belief was a huge awakening for my friend.  She had no idea that her desire to be skinny ran that deep.  But now because she knows, she has gained the power to do something about it.    She was also able to see how her negative belief about herself only brought her negative results.  This belief had only caused her misery and pain.  Why?  Because it was not based in truth!  By asking why, she was able to identify this core belief.  Because she identified it as untrue, she now has the power to replace it with truth.

So do you see what we discovered by asking the question why?  Do you see how we figured out a core untruth that she had been believing for so long when we dug a little deeper?  I think there are many of you out there who have used the write and burn or the little black book, but those negative feelings and thoughts you write about keep resurfacing which then makes you frustrated and makes you think they aren't working, so you stop using the tools.  Let me explain why this happens with another analogy.  Picture one of the old-fashioned index drawers that we used to access at the library to find a book.  Yes these are antiques now.  Here's a picture of one.

Each drawer represents an emotion we have experienced.  Then each one of those cards in the drawer represents an experience that we have had with that emotion.  Obviously we want our drawer labeled "Happiness" to have lots of cards in it.  When we feel happiness, don't we have a rush of good feelings and memories come to our heart and mind?  That's because when we feel an emotion, we are opening that drawer and allowing all of those other experiences to resurface as well.  The more cards that are in that drawer, the more powerful the emotion feels.  Unfortunately, the same thing happens with negative emotion which is why we want to shove down and bury those negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs because sometimes it is just too hard to be reminded of the painful, negative experiences of the past.  But like I have said before, we will never be rid of the effects of a painful past experience until we face it and let it go.  When we do the write and burn or use the little black book, we are pulling out a card from that file drawer.  However, there are still several cards left in that drawer.  And that is why that emotion continues to resurface.  We haven't completely cleaned out the file drawer yet.  Clearing out all the cards in that drawer requires that we face and deal with each experience with that emotion.  This can be a very daunting task if you have a deeply filled file drawer.  But there is another way.  It is by asking the question "Why?" when the emotion is up or when you are ready to just deal with it and let it go.  When you feel anger, do your write and burn, but don't just write about why you're feeling anger in that moment.  Ask the questions "Why?", "How come?", "What for?", or "What happens if?".  Dig deeper.  Write whatever comes to your mind from experiences in the past. Your goal is to find that very first card that was ever put in that file drawer.  If you can identify that very first card, then you find where that emotion originated.  You find the core belief.  By ripping out that first card, you wipe out all the rest.

I also like to compare this concept to a forest of trees.  

Each tree represents an emotion.  Depending on how much time has gone by and how many experiences you have had with that emotion determines how tall, thick and deeply rooted that tree has become.  Now we can spend lots of time and energy chopping down that tree from the top to the bottom making it shorter and shorter, or we can rip that tree out by the root and take the whole tree down in one shot.  It is not easy to go right to the root of the emotion.  It requires us to dig deep and work hard through sweat and tears in order to yank it out.  But we can do it if we choose to!  Isn't a moment of pain and hard work worth dealing with instead of a lifetime of self-sabotage and heartache because we have let that emotion gain power over us?  If you want to free yourself from the bondage you are in to an emotion or a negative belief about yourself, dig deeper and yank it out at the root.

I just got off of another phone call with my sweet friend that I am mentoring.  Its been a week since our last visit when she had her huge aha moment.  Wow!  In tears, her first comment to me was, "Rachelle, I've turned a corner."  She had an amazing, life-changing week!  She noticed things were different when she looked in the mirror at herself.  She would say to herself that she was a beautiful daughter of God instead of telling herself that she was ugly and fat.  She noticed things had shifted when she had no desire to binge eat but rather just ate till she was satisfied.  Another time when she did eat something that she didn't necessarily think she should have eaten, she didn't beat herself up about it but just accepted it and moved on.  I could go on with other experiences she had this week that signified her shift.  And the shift didn't just happen in her thoughts.  It was also clearly evident in her physical behaviors.  Remember the thought cycle?  Without any force or conscious effort, her actions and behaviors were changing because she had changed the way she thought about herself.  She had ripped out a core negative, untrue belief about herself therefore she made room for the positive - the truth of who she really was - and her whole life is changing because of it.  How exciting!!  How happy she was and excited she was for this next week!  She was so fired up to yank out the roots of the other negative emotions and beliefs that she has, even if its hard, because she has felt and seen the incredible positive results that come from doing it!

Repeat of Favorite Quote #2:

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.

It's the truth my friends and it works!  You can choose to let go experience by experience, but you may not see the life changing results that you would like to see right away.  It will take time.  You're still doing a good thing, but it will take awhile.  If you're willing to do some digging and wipe out that emotion or belief at its root, then the positive results you will get will be instantaneous, huge and powerful!  Just like my friend experienced this week.  If you are ready and willing to do the hard work and push through the sweat and tears, then this will work for you too.  Why let anymore time go by where that emotion or negative belief has power to affect your actions and results in life?  Choose your own happiness!  Wipe out that file drawer!  Dig out the root!  Create the peace and joy for yourself that you so desperately want!  Its there waiting for you to reach out and grab it!! 

You can do this!  You're amazing, powerful, brilliant, and beautiful!  So go . . .

be.YOU.tiful!!

  

The 6 Truths of Healing

So I realize that because I have given you so much information on this blog that there are many of you out there that find the information helpful and insightful, but don't quite know how to use it.  I felt that I was trying to give you information in a step-by-step approach, but I now see that when you are reading it, it may not seem that way.  From my experience, I was practicing the things I learned as I learned them through my mentor, so it was a step-by-step process for me.  I realize that when you are getting information from a blog, you don't have that weekly guidance and direction.  If you need that guidance and accountability and are having a hard time incorporating this information into your life, please email me (rachellerchase@yahoo.com).  We can chat over the phone or I can provide some mentoring help.  My greatest desire is to help you in anyway you need it and in anyway I can!  But I also want to try and sum up all the information I have given you into a workable plan.  So here we go.

The 6 Truths of Healing

1)  Be aware 

I have talked about this concept many times and devoted a whole post to it.  This is essential to the healing process.  If you want a refresher on what it means to be aware, please go check out my post Becoming Aware.  The gist of it is that we need to be thinking about what we are thinking about.  We need to be aware of what is going on in our mind and not just accept our thoughts without first analyzing them to see if they're true or not.  Our thoughts do not define us, but if we believe them and attach ourselves to them, then they become us.  Remember the thought cycle?  If we are not aware of our thoughts, then we will have no power to change our actions or the results that come from our actions.  Learning to do this all the time takes time.  But the more you practice being aware, the sooner it will become what you do the majority of your life.

2)  Identify the negative and let it go

This concept I talked about in my Letting Go post.  If we are not identifying the negative and then letting it go, it will constantly build and build within us until we burst or become dead inside.  Remember my dam analogy and the analogy of the Dead Sea?  We have to let go of the negative if we want more room for the positive.  I also wrote about two tools that I use to let go in my post Tool One and Tool Two.  These tools are so easy to use, but they do require your time and awareness.  Investing your personal time and energy into your healing is the only way to heal.  Only you can fix you.  Only you can create your own happiness.

Repeat of Favorite Quote #1:

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.  No  apologies or excuses.  No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  The gift is yours.  It is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.

Favorite Quote #50:

Enjoy your life.  Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

3)  Recognize and believe the positive - the truth of who you really are

I have mentioned many times the need for recognizing and believing the truth of who we really are.  From my post Our Relationships up until my last one, I have continuously talked about how crucial it is to discover who we truly are if we want to be happy.  We are our spirit and when we unite ourselves more closely with our spirit instead of being at odds with it, then we find joy.  Its when we divide ourselves from our spirit that we are unhappy.  I have discussed how Satan deceives us into believing that who we are is defined by how we match up to the world's standards.  His definition of who we need to be is made by comparison.  Its a lie my friends!  I can't say that enough times and I can't shout it loud enough!  We are each beautiful and special in our own different and unique way!  We go against the very nature of our creation when we try to be just like everyone else and that is why we are unhappy.  I just saw the front of a magazine the other day that said Gwyneth Paltrow was named the most beautiful woman in the world.  I cringed because of the message that is sending out to all the women and young women in America and throughout the world.  The world has just quantified beauty by saying that if you want to be beautiful you have to look like Gwyneth Paltrow.  Last year it was Jennifer Lopez.  Like I have mentioned before, do you see how the world's standards are constantly changing?  Satan wants us to believe there is only one kind of beauty and if you don't fit that mold, you're not beautiful.  And yet he keeps changing those standards in order to keep us confused and frustrated.  Please don't believe these lies!

Favorite Quote #51:

Real Eyes
Realize
Real Lies

BE REAL!  Please look with your real eyes and realize the real lies that Satan is deceiving you into believing!  Find out who you are based on the reasons for which God made you.  God never changes.  He is constant and the truth of who you are has remained the same since the day your spirit was created.  He is your Creator!  He loves you more than you will ever know!  His greatest desire is for you to be truly happy now and eternally!  He is the source of all truth, peace and joy!  When you define yourself according to how God sees you, you define yourself according to truth and that will bring you greater peace and joy than any temporary pleasure the world could offer!

Favorite Quote #52:

Don't waste a lifetime of happiness for a few moments of pleasure!

4)  Act on the truth

As we identify the truth of who we are, we then need to act on it.  Go do what you love!  Go be what you have always wanted to be!  Develop your talents and share them!  Follow your bliss!  Do the things that bring you unspeakable joy!  And when you do that, you will not only be making yourself happy, but you will most likely be helping others to find happiness too.  True happiness comes when we share with others our real, authentic selves.  Sometimes we go through hard things, but those hard things are also meant to help us become all that we were created to be.  Because of what I went through during my 22 years of having an eating disorder, I am now extremely passionate about sharing truth and helping others understand who they really are.  That has become my purpose in life and it brings me so much joy to live true to my purpose!  Each of us have strengths and talents, flaws and weaknesses, trials and experiences.  All of these things together continue to refine us and make us into who we were created to be.  Pray.  Meditate.  Ask God to help you identify and act on the truths of who you really are.  Seek His help and He will give you the strength and power to be and do all that He sent you here to be and do.  Remember, with God all things are possible!  

Favorite Quote #53:

Do the thing you love more than anything in life!  You might become a bit unpredictable, sometimes cranky, but you will be happier than you ever imagined possible.

And that is exactly what happens when you act on the truth of who you really are!  You will be happier than you ever imagined possible!  I know that is true because I am living it!

5)  List it to live it

I am a writer.  Throughout my eating disorder, writing and journaling became a huge outlet for me.  Along with food, it was one of the ways I coped.  However, I would mostly write about all the negative and unhappy things that were happening to me.  I dwelt on the negative and because I did that, negative is what I got back.

Favorite Quote #54:

The only reason its a part of your life is because you keep thinking about it.

Its the truth!  Now I am writing this blog.  My goal is to write a book or books.  I love to write!  But instead of writing the negative, I am writing the positive.  I am writing about truth and because I am doing that, it is becoming more a part of who I am.  Writing is a huge part of healing.  You don't have to be an eloquent or talented writer to write.  We need to write because there is something that happens to us when we do.  It is a means to make whatever you are writing about more a part of your life.  Why do you think the Bible or the Book of Mormon were written?  Yes of course they were written for us and our day, but I can guarantee you that the prophets and authors of those great books benefited as well as they wrote down the truth of who they were and what they were learning.  Why do you think we have been asked to keep a journal?  Yes for our posterity, but I also believe it is for our own growth and progression.  As we write down truth and focus on the positive, truth and positivity become more ingrained in our heart and soul.  So next to your little black book and your stack of loose leaf paper, have a colorful notebook (I prefer yellow which represents light and knowledge) in which you can write the positive.  Write down and record the inspiration you receive from God.  Write down the blessings and tender mercies you receive.  Record the things you are grateful for each day.  Write down the positives about yourself-your talents and gifts.  As you write down the positive, you will get more positive back.

6)  Live in the moment

In order to successfully incorporate any of these truths into our lives, we need to live in the moment.  I just made a big post about this.  This truth is the key to making all the rest of the truths work for your benefit and healing.  By living in the moment, we will know what we need to do in that moment in order to be peaceful and happy.  In the moment, you may need to take a timeout and go do a write and burn.  Or you may need to work on something that is happening in the near future.  Or you may need to write down a bit of inspiration you just received.  Living in the moment doesn't mean we don't take care of things from the past or for the future.  It means that we take that moment to do something about it and not dwell in it.  Emotionally dwelling in the past or future keeps us from progressing.  We are literally in bondage when we allow ourselves to sit in the past or future.  The only way to progress is to use our present moment to act.  In the present is the only place we have agency and choice.  Satan absolutely wants to shut down our agency so he loves getting us to be sad or angry about our past or to worry about and fear our future.  So be fully invested where you are.  Enjoy the moment you have to progress and act on whatever it may be that is in your present consciousness.  Do your children need you?  Then be there fully with them and for them in that moment.  Are you on a date with your husband?  Then be there fully with him.  Are you feeling anger or discouragement?  Then do a write and burn and deal with it in the moment while it is up.  Are you feeling peace and joy?  Then thank your Heavenly Father for allowing you to feel that in that moment and then share it with those around you.  We can waste our time living in the past or the future, or we can use the moment we have to act and create our own happiness.  Because really all we have is this moment.  In the very next moment, our life could be taken from us.  So be grateful for every moment you have.  Embrace this moment and live in it fully.  By doing that, you will live happily and with no regrets.

So there it is my friends.  I hope that helps you in some way to know what you need to do in order to heal and create peace and joy in your life.  I have talked about each one of these truths in previous posts so go back and read those if you need a refresher on what they entail.  Now even though I've listed these truths as 1-6, there is no chronological order in which to work them.  I don't want you to think that one truth comes before or after another.  As I said, when you live in the moment, you will know what you need to do in that moment whether it is to focus on truth 2 or truth 5 or any of the other truths.  Listen to your heart.  You will know.

Most importantly, please understand that this process does take time.  You may think at first that you are making no progress at all.  But I promise you, you are!  If we didn't take baby steps at first, we wouldn't eventually learn how to run.  "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass."  Practice makes permanent so as you continue to practice approaching life in this new way, it will become more and more the majority of your life.  I still have moments when I go unconscious and resort to my distraction behaviors to escape.  But the majority of my life is this new way of life and I continue to work on making it even more so.  It's an amazing way of life and so fulfilling and rewarding!

Also please know that since you are learning truth and hopefully acting on that truth, Satan is going to work overtime to drag you down and make life hard for you.  He doesn't want you to find freedom, peace and joy.  He will always work on you to make you miserable like himself.  Misery loves company.  So please press on!  Keep going!  Keep working at it and trying every day because I promise you the peace and joy that comes as a result is so worth it!!!

Please feel free to give me feedback if you have any thoughts or feelings about this.  My goal is to help you in any way I can so I would love to know what you think and if this helps you or not.

My heart, love and prayers go out to all of you who are reading this and suffer as I have suffered or are suffering in any way, shape or form.  Life is just plain hard.  And we all have our stuff.  I have had my stuff.  But I am now here and my life is full of brightness, joy, peace, power, passion and purpose.  It doesn't mean that I won't have hard stuff in the future, but because of this new way that I am dealing with life, I believe I will be able to walk through that hard stuff with a smile on my face and peace in my heart.

Favorite Quote #55, #56, #57, and #58:

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.  Its about learning to dance in the rain.

Wherever you go, no matter the weather, always bring your own sunshine.

Peace.  It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain.  But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.

This is possible for anyone who is willing to do the work.  So please do the work.  Turn to God for the strength and the power to do this work for yourself.  Hang in there!  You can do this!  You are amazing, powerful and brilliant!  So go and . . .

be.YOU.tiful!!