It's the beginning of a new year! It can be an exciting time, filled with hope, direction, and purpose. It can also be depressing and discouraging because January and February, in my opinion, are some of the toughest months of the year. Seasonal depression during these months were something I dealt with yearly. So because of personal experience, I want to give you a little hope, maybe open your eyes to a different way to focus on your New Year's goals and resolutions.
I've been very curious about New Year's Resolutions so I did a little research to find out some statistics. I came across a study done in 2014 by the University of Scranton Journal of Clinical Psychology (table from the website statisticbrain.com). Here are the results of their study:
| Rank | Top 10 New Years resolutions for 2014 |
1
| Lose Weight |
2
| Getting Organized |
3
| Spend Less, Save More |
4
| Enjoy Life to the Fullest |
5
| Staying Fit and Healthy |
6
| Learn Something Exciting |
7
| Quit Smoking |
8
| Help Others in Their Dreams |
9
| Fall in Love |
10
| Spend More Time with Family |
| News Years Resolution Statistics | Data |
| Percent of Americans who usually make New Year’s Resolutions | 45% |
| Percent of Americans who infrequently make New Year’s Resolutions | 17% |
| Percent of Americans who absolutlely never make New Year’s Resolutions | 38% |
| Percent of people who are successful in achieving their resolution | 8% |
| Percent who have infrequent success | 49% |
| Percent who never succeed and fail on their resolution each year | 24% |
| People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t explicitly make resolutions | |
| Type of Resolutions (Percent above 100% because of multiple resolutions) | Data |
| Self Improvement or education related resolutions | 47% |
| Weight related resolutions | 38% |
| Money related resolutions | 34% |
| Relationship related resolutions | 31% |
| Age Success Rates | Data |
| Percent of people in their twenties who achieve their resolution each year | 39% |
| Percent of people over 50 who achieve their resolution each year | 14% |
| Length of Resolutions | Data |
| Resolution maintained through first week | 75% |
| Past two weeks | 71% |
| Past one month | 64% |
| Past six months | 46% |
Pretty crazy right? The statistics that stood out to me are first, the #1 New Year's goal is to lose weight. Does that show you where our minds are at? It's all about the physical. It's sad actually. It's sad that some of the goals that came lower on the list are not in that #1 spot. I understand if the goal is for health reasons, which hopefully it is for most of us. I understand if we just want to feel better. But I would dare say the pressure, in America in particular, to be thin and have a "perfect" body has driven a lot of us to become obsessed with our bodies. Then because of that, we lose sight of our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being and we become unbalanced and unhappy. You know how I feel about this so I won't go on. ;)
The other statistics that stood out to me were that only 45% of Americans usually make New Year's Resolutions and out of that 45%, only 8% are successful in achieving their goal. Now 8% is definitely better than 0%, but it caused me to ask the question why. Why are New Year's Resolutions almost unattainable? Where are we going wrong in the making and keeping of our goal? What are we missing? It really caused me to think . . . and this is what I came up with.
We often go about making a goal without realizing that the habits we want to replace are more than just outward behaviors. Our "bad" habits or really any behavior that we want to be rid of are not just going to change by starting a new exercise program or a new diet or any outward program that solely deals with the body. We may succeed at our goal for awhile, but as it shows in this study, the percentage of people that maintain their resolution dramatically drops as more time passes. Why? Because behaviors will not permanently change unless we change the belief they came from. Behaviors become behaviors due to our beliefs. It's like a tree.
A tree is made up of a root system, a trunk, and then there are all kinds of branches and limbs that grow off the trunk. The root is our belief. The trunk is our behavior and the branches are all the different experiences we have due to that behavior. If we want to get rid of the behavior, we need to dig deep down and yank out the root.
I believe and know because of personal experience that in order to maintain a new goal, it has to be done from the inside out, not the outside in. We will never permanently rid ourselves of habits and behaviors if we don't first ask the question of why they are there in the first place. Only when we eliminate the root of the existing problem will we be able to move forward, onward and upward towards a new, more positive habit or behavior. If you want to lose weight, well then the first step would be to ask yourself, "Why am I overweight?" And don't just stop at I eat too much sugar and carbs. Why do you eat too much sugar and carbs? What do those foods do for you? What reward does eating those things give you? When I started to ask myself these questions, I realized one of the reasons I would go for sugar was because I needed "sweetness" in my life. My mind was so filled with negative. I was so hard on myself and life felt so heavy that I just craved sweetness. There is always an emotional, inward reason behind our physical, outward behavior.
A habit consists of 3 things - the trigger, the actual habit, and the reward. If we want to change the habit, we have to change the things associated with it - the trigger and the reward. So let's first talk about the trigger. I'll use myself as an example. When I was trying to change my emotional eating addiction, I remember becoming aware of the triggers as well as the thoughts I had as I went to eat. Have you ever heard of BLAST? It is an acronym for the different triggers we are faced with that drive us to addiction or negative behaviors. Here's what it stands for:
B=bored
L=lonely
A=angry
S=stressed
T=tired
At first, I might have been aware that I was going to food because I felt one of these things, but I still didn't care. My thoughts were, "I have no idea what to eat! I only know how to eat crappy, unhealthy food because its fast and easy. I don't want to take the time to make something healthy. I don't know how to eat well and I'm too (fill in the blank with one of the BLAST) to care." Geez! Do you see how I was shooting myself in the foot right there? No wonder I didn't know what to eat or didn't eat well. I was programming myself to act in a certain way through the thoughts I was thinking. So when I recognized that, I did some digging into the reasons why I was having all those thoughts. I had many "A-ha" moments in that process. I then did some Write and Burns to let go of all that baggage that was holding me down and keeping me back. I became more and more conscious of my thoughts and started changing them to "I know how to eat well. I love eating healthy clean food because it makes me feel good. And more than anything I want to feel happy and good physically, mentally and emotionally." I will not say that my behavior changed over night, but it did change. In fact, I realized sooner than later that I was no longer obsessing over food. I ate when I was hungry and I stopped eating when I was satisfied. I could eat one or two pieces of chocolate instead of eating the whole bag.
I absolutely love a quote by James Allen about diet and our thoughts. He says:
“Change of diet will not help a man who will not change his thoughts. When a man makes his thoughts pure, he no longer desires impure food. Clean thoughts make clean habits. If you would perfect your body, guard your mind. If you would renew your body, beautify your mind.”
My friends, it is all about our thoughts. If we want to change our bodies, our behaviors, and our lives, we need to change our thoughts.
We also need to think about the reward we are getting from our addiction or behavior. I know the biggest reward I was getting was complete distraction from the pain I was feeling or from any one of those BLAST reasons. Addiction = escape. That's why we do it right? That's our subconscious reasoning at least. However, for those of us who have suffered with addiction or negative self-sabotaging behavior, we know that that escape is only temporary. It doesn't take long before all the pain and heartache returns, and it returns with even more power and force because we have once again acted out on the behavior that we so desperately want to be freed from. Addiction is an alluring yet deceiving snare is it not? We are fooled into believing the addiction or behavior will help us forget or escape, but when we act out on it, we are actually just adding more links to the chain that is pulling us down and under.
So how do we change the reward? How do we convince ourselves that the temporary escape is not worth the long-term bondage? Well, we start programming our mind to want a different reward. For so long, all I wanted was a skinnier, better looking body. When I began this process, I remember thinking that if I stopped wanting a skinnier, better looking body then I would stop trying at all to achieve that end goal. I really couldn't even conceive of letting go of that desire. I believed that having a perfect body was what was going to make me happy. However, even when I had hit my goal weight in the past, I still wasn't happy. Apparently I hadn't learned my lesson because I allowed that to happen time and time again. Isn't it funny how we do the same things over and over again thinking we are going to get a different result? That is the definition of insanity my friends! No wonder we sometimes feel like we are going crazy or that we are losing our minds. Louise Hay put it this way:
"You've been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens."
We've got to completely shake it up. We've got to do something totally different than we have ever done before. We've got to change the reasons and motivation behind all that we do.
I realized I had been going about it all wrong. As James Allen said, if I wanted to "perfect my body" then I had to "guard my mind". I became solely focused on identifying all the negative thoughts I was allowing myself to think and believe. Remember the Thought Cycle (in my post "Becoming Aware")? Sometimes I wouldn't identify that I had had a negative thought until I had experienced some negative results, but the more I stayed aware, I was soon able to identify my negative thoughts as they surfaced. Then I would immediately go use my tools of my Little Black Book or my Write and Burn (talked about in my post "Tool One and Tool Two"). My life started to change dramatically as I paid attention to my thoughts, let go of the negative, and let the positive work its natural magic in my life.
"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results."
Just by letting go of the negative, positive was the natural result. Happiness, peace and joy started to flow into my life. And my negative, self-sabotaging behavior disappeared. We often feel we have to work so hard to create positive results in our lives. It's almost as if we are forcing the positive upon ourselves sometimes because we want it so bad. We also worry about letting anything go because we fear the unknown. We don't know what will become of us if we let go, even if the thing we need to let go of is negative and causes us pain. But if we will just trust the process, focus on letting go of the negative, then positive is what we will get back. It really is the most amazing experience! Please just try it! Test my theory for yourself and you will be amazed at the positive results you will start seeing in your life simply because you paid attention to your negative thoughts and got rid of them.
This is how we get our New Year's Resolutions to stick. This is how we create permanent, lasting change in our lives. It's all from the inside out. I lost 30 lbs because of this approach and I have kept it off. For me, that is a miracle because every time I lost weight in the past, I always gained it back plus some. I know these things are truth. I know that introspection and honesty with ourselves leads to inward change, and that is how we get the things we want out of life. Change your thoughts, change your life!
So have a new goal this year! Make your focus your inward health and happiness! Let go of the negative thoughts and feelings that drive your behaviors and you will be on your way to positive, permanent change and true joy! New Year New You! Go make it happen! Go . . .
be.YOU.tiful!
We also need to think about the reward we are getting from our addiction or behavior. I know the biggest reward I was getting was complete distraction from the pain I was feeling or from any one of those BLAST reasons. Addiction = escape. That's why we do it right? That's our subconscious reasoning at least. However, for those of us who have suffered with addiction or negative self-sabotaging behavior, we know that that escape is only temporary. It doesn't take long before all the pain and heartache returns, and it returns with even more power and force because we have once again acted out on the behavior that we so desperately want to be freed from. Addiction is an alluring yet deceiving snare is it not? We are fooled into believing the addiction or behavior will help us forget or escape, but when we act out on it, we are actually just adding more links to the chain that is pulling us down and under.
So how do we change the reward? How do we convince ourselves that the temporary escape is not worth the long-term bondage? Well, we start programming our mind to want a different reward. For so long, all I wanted was a skinnier, better looking body. When I began this process, I remember thinking that if I stopped wanting a skinnier, better looking body then I would stop trying at all to achieve that end goal. I really couldn't even conceive of letting go of that desire. I believed that having a perfect body was what was going to make me happy. However, even when I had hit my goal weight in the past, I still wasn't happy. Apparently I hadn't learned my lesson because I allowed that to happen time and time again. Isn't it funny how we do the same things over and over again thinking we are going to get a different result? That is the definition of insanity my friends! No wonder we sometimes feel like we are going crazy or that we are losing our minds. Louise Hay put it this way:
"You've been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens."
We've got to completely shake it up. We've got to do something totally different than we have ever done before. We've got to change the reasons and motivation behind all that we do.
I realized I had been going about it all wrong. As James Allen said, if I wanted to "perfect my body" then I had to "guard my mind". I became solely focused on identifying all the negative thoughts I was allowing myself to think and believe. Remember the Thought Cycle (in my post "Becoming Aware")? Sometimes I wouldn't identify that I had had a negative thought until I had experienced some negative results, but the more I stayed aware, I was soon able to identify my negative thoughts as they surfaced. Then I would immediately go use my tools of my Little Black Book or my Write and Burn (talked about in my post "Tool One and Tool Two"). My life started to change dramatically as I paid attention to my thoughts, let go of the negative, and let the positive work its natural magic in my life.
"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results."
Just by letting go of the negative, positive was the natural result. Happiness, peace and joy started to flow into my life. And my negative, self-sabotaging behavior disappeared. We often feel we have to work so hard to create positive results in our lives. It's almost as if we are forcing the positive upon ourselves sometimes because we want it so bad. We also worry about letting anything go because we fear the unknown. We don't know what will become of us if we let go, even if the thing we need to let go of is negative and causes us pain. But if we will just trust the process, focus on letting go of the negative, then positive is what we will get back. It really is the most amazing experience! Please just try it! Test my theory for yourself and you will be amazed at the positive results you will start seeing in your life simply because you paid attention to your negative thoughts and got rid of them.
This is how we get our New Year's Resolutions to stick. This is how we create permanent, lasting change in our lives. It's all from the inside out. I lost 30 lbs because of this approach and I have kept it off. For me, that is a miracle because every time I lost weight in the past, I always gained it back plus some. I know these things are truth. I know that introspection and honesty with ourselves leads to inward change, and that is how we get the things we want out of life. Change your thoughts, change your life!
So have a new goal this year! Make your focus your inward health and happiness! Let go of the negative thoughts and feelings that drive your behaviors and you will be on your way to positive, permanent change and true joy! New Year New You! Go make it happen! Go . . .
be.YOU.tiful!
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