The Lie of "I'm Not Good Enough"

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to make this new post.  It's been one of those weeks!  I had the incredible opportunity to speak at a fireside on Thursday night so I was preparing for that all week.  Some of the things I talked about there have really stuck with me so I wanted to share them in this post.  I know I have touched on the topic of being true to who you really are before, but I wanted to use the next few posts to focus on it.  As you know from my story, I spent years and years very confused about who I was and what I wanted.  I believed I had to be perfect in order to be good enough, loved, and accepted.  So I spent my time trying to be perfect in the eyes of the world.  I tried to please everyone else by doing what everyone else wanted me to do.  I didn't love and accept me so I did everything I could to fill that need by getting others to love and accept me.  I was trying to find my worth in what the world labeled as "worthy".  I was completely indecisive in life always asking what others' opinions were even when it came down to choosing what I wanted to eat at a restaurant.  I had literally given my personal power away to everyone else and their dog because I didn't know who I was or what I wanted in life.

I believe that a lot of us do this.  Because of society's pressure to be "perfect", we believe we can't let any of our flaws show or else we won't be liked and accepted.  We feel very insecure with who we are because of our weaknesses, struggles, and flaws whether they be physical, mental, emotional, social, or spiritual.  I used to leave my home looking like and acting like everything was perfect in my life, but that was just a mask.  At home, my flaws and weaknesses were evident.  I was embarrassed and ashamed of them so I continued to wear the mask every day when I left the house because of my desperate need to fit in and be loved and accepted.  And because I believed that untruth and then acted upon it, I became miserable and depressed.  I was hiding who I truly was and that made me miserable.  I am sad as I look back at what I once was and feel sorry for that person.  I ache for that old me that didn't feel she could go out in the world and be who she really was.  What I never realized was that the people who loved or liked me, loved and liked me BECAUSE of who I really was.  I wish I would have known that accepting the real me was the only way I would find true peace and happiness.

Repeat of Favorite Quote #17:

Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have.

The truth is that everyone has flaws.  But most of the time, we are not paying attention to others' flaws.    We only pay attention to our own and then worry about what everyone else thinks about us and our flaws.  The funny thing is that they are not thinking about us and our flaws.  They are just worrying about their own flaws too.

Favorite Quote #39:

We wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of us if we realized how seldom they do.

So true!!  The really sad part comes in when we compare our own flaws against others' strengths and then berate ourselves for not being perfect in everything like everyone else.  How unfair we are to ourselves!!  Everyone has flaws!  They are part of the package of being mortal.  Our weaknesses, struggles, and flaws are gifts from a loving Heavenly Father to help us become all that He created us to become.  And truthfully, they are not flaws at all.  They are weaknesses that were intentionally, lovingly and thoughtfully given to us by God when He created us.  Our flaws are not there because God made a mistake.  They are there because God knew exactly what He was doing.

I have referred to this quote before, but I'm going to repeat it again.  It's from the book You Are Special by Max Lucado.  Eli, the Wemmicks' maker who also symbolizes God, says this.

Repeat of Favorite Quote #26:

Remember you are special because I made you.  And I don’t make mistakes.

We are not mistakes!  The world and Satan want us to think that we are and that we need to be fixed.  This and that part of our body is imperfect so we need to fix it.  The way we do this or that is wrong so we need to fix it.  We are not mistakes because God doesn't make mistakes.   We need our flaws in order to learn how to be more humble and Christlike.  And we agreed to have them because we knew that through them we would learn to become what God created us to become - kings and queens, gods and goddesses.  God spent His precious time and energy creating each one of us to be unique and different, flaws and all.  If we were already perfect, then we wouldn't even be here.  But instead of recognizing our imperfection as part of the condition of coming to this earth and being grateful for our flaws, we berate and belittle ourselves for having them.  Due to the influence of the world, Satan, and life's circumstances, we believe that our real selves aren't ok because they aren't perfect.  We bury our true selves thinking that we will be happier and more loved if we are what the world tells us to be.  What a lie!  Satan has mastered that deceptive lie and we have believed it!  We need to recognize and believe in who we really are and when we do, we will enable ourselves to feel greater peace and joy and we will go forward with increased personal power and strength.

I truly believe that by studying nature we can learn so many valuable truths about life.  I love how the qualities of a diamond are so similar to us as human beings.  Each diamond is one of a kind because of its unique flaws.  Whether the flaws are internal or external, they all have one, just like we do.  I love this description I found online about a diamond's flaws.  As you read, read as if you are reading about yourself and all of us as human beings.  It is fascinating!

"Many natural flaws can be discovered inside the formation of a diamond. Under the inspection process, these precious gemstones are considered imperfect. Most diamond flaws that occur during the formation of the diamond naturally are not visible to the naked eye and will rarely hinder its market value. The natural flaws that are found in diamonds are actually the inclusions of trace minerals and composites that were present in the area during the time of the natural formation process of the precious gemstone millions of years ago.

"Rarely, is a diamond graded as 'no flaw' and, to find one on the market would be an even rarer find."

www.streetdirectory.com

I love that description of a diamond because it relates to us so wonderfully.  Isn't it interesting that it says "under the inspection process" do they find the flaws?  Isn't it under our own personal inspection process that we find our own flaws?  Most often others don't see those flaws like we think they do.  We put ourselves under the microscope and we magnify everything that is wrong with ourselves.  Then because those flaws are magnified, we allow ourselves to feel inadequate and not good enough.  We ARE imperfect beings, and yet we ARE "precious gemstones" in the eyes of God.  Most of our flaws are invisible to the naked eye, and if they are visible, it is Satan that convinces us to believe we need to change or erase those flaws in order to be acceptable to the world.  God wants us to believe that our flaws do not hinder our value!  In fact, He wants us to believe that we have value and worth BECAUSE of our flaws!  It is our flaws that make us one of a kind, unique and special!  I also love how it says that the natural flaws were inclusions in the diamond's formation over millions of years ago.  We are the same way!  God included flaws in His creation of each of us, His "precious gemstones", over millions of years ago.  We were created spiritually millions of years before we were created physically.  And rarely can you find any human being which is considered as having "no flaw".  I only know of one in the earth's entire history that could be considered as "no flaw", even Jesus Christ.  The interesting thing is that when we look at any diamond, what do we usually think?  “Oh its so beautiful!”  But guess what?  Every diamond is imperfect.  Just like us.  Every diamond has a flaw that was purposefully included in it when it was created millions of years ago.  Just like us.  And just because it has a flaw doesn’t detract from its value.  In fact, it is considered more valuable because that flaw makes it one of a kind.  Just like us.  Even with those flaws, that diamond is still beautiful.  Just like us.   

I just sited the book You Are Special by Max Lucado.  Such a fabulous book!  Well there is a sequel to that book called If Only I Had a Green Nose.  In this book, the new "in" style is to paint your nose green.  Sweet Punchinello asks Eli, the Wemmicks' maker, why everyone wants a green nose.  Let me share with you their conversation:

"Does a green nose make them smarter?" Punchinello asked.

"No."

"Does a green nose make them stronger?"

"No."

"Does it make them faster?"

"No."

"Then what does a green nose make them?"

Eli looked up and smiled. "Greener."

But his smile left as he looked out the window at the long line of Wemmicks [lined up to get their noses painted green].  "They think they'll be happier if they look like everyone else.  But I made them different on purpose.  Freckles, long noses, bright eyes, dark eyes . . . these were my ideas.  Now they all want to look the same."

It was God's idea to make us all different!  We are the way we are for a grand and glorious purpose.  We each have a unique role to play on this earth.  God made us different for a reason. We are the ones that are deceived into thinking that by being the same, by being what the world tells us we should be, we will be happier.  That is Satan's trap towards misery and despair!!!  Believe me!  I tried it for 22 years and it only brought me continual misery and despair.  Each of us are unique, special, one of a kind, and beautiful BECAUSE of our flaws and differences!

As the story continues, Punchinello says he doesn’t want a green nose, but just wants to go see how one looks up close.  Well, he ends up succumbing to the pressure of his world and decides he needs to fit in so he gets his nose painted green.  Soon after he does that, the “in color” changes to red.  So then he gets his nose painted red.  Then the new color is blue, then pink, then yellow, then orange.  There is just no stopping.  Finally, Punchinello is just exhausted trying to keep up and fit in.  He realizes that trying so hard to be “with it” is definitely not making him happy, only frustrated and tired.  He goes back to Eli, his maker, and asks him to help him just be Punchinello again.  

I love this story because it illustrates exactly what happens as we try so hard to “fit in”.  

Repeat of Favorite Quote #3:

Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?

It is one of Satan’s greatest lies to get us to believe that we have to be and do what the world says we need to be and do in order to be happy.  He knows that if he can get us to believe that then we will forever be running on that hamster wheel spinning and spinning trying to keep up and fit in but getting absolutely nowhere.  There is no forward progression when we are constantly worrying about pleasing the world and trying to fit in.  Just like the story illustrates, we will never be good enough in the eyes of the world.  It's an impossible task.  There's just no way to stay caught up with the trends and what's "in" because they are always changing.  

Favorite Quote #40:

If the image maker and pharmaceutical companies and fashion designers have their way, we will always be made to feel that we don't fit.  Either we don't fit the clothes, or we don't fit the ideal, or we don't fit the lifestyle.  We just don't fit, period.

Emme, model and author, True Beauty

Why is it when we go clothes shopping we always say, "Oh I just don't fit in those clothes."  Why aren't we saying instead, "Oh that's just too bad.  Those clothes don't fit me."  The world wants us to believe we don't fit for one reason only - profit.  All these industries are making money off of our despair, depression, and obsession with fitting in.  We absolutely can't win!  Once we feel we've mastered one thing, there will be another and another we will feel we have to master.  So we continue to buy products and services in order to change ourselves once again.  We just keep redoing ourselves in a worldly way time and time again in order to be "with it".  And Satan loves that.  He wants us totally and completely focused on our bodies and how we appear on the outside to the world.  Remember, what is the one thing we have that Satan doesn’t have?  A body right?  He loves getting us to hate what he doesn't have.  He loves getting us to feel inferior and not good enough because of our bodies.  His sole purpose is to get us to believe that we are only our bodies.  If we believe that, then our focus will entirely be on perfecting our bodies so we can please the world instead of perfecting our spirits so we can please God.

Another one of Satan's greatest tactics is that of getting us to compare ourselves to each other.  Nothing good comes out of making comparisons.  It is a totally inaccurate and unbalanced way to judge ourselves and others.  There are two different beliefs we have when we compare ourselves - "I'm not good enough" and "I'm better than".  Remember the pride stick that I talked about a few posts ago?  Both of these beliefs are pride because they are both focused on self.  The belief of "I'm not good enough" is not humility!  It is pride because it is focused on self.  I am going to talk about the "I'm better than" side in my next post.  Obviously in this post I have talked about the "I'm not good enough" side.  Satan wants us to feel inadequate and inferior and when we compare ourselves, we fall right into his trap.

I have had the wonderful opportunity of traveling to several different countries in the world.  I have had people ask me what is the most beautiful place I have ever been to.  My response was this, "I can't nail down one place that was more beautiful than another.  There are just so many different kinds of beauty."  The truth is that God made so many different kinds of beauty not only in His creation of the world, but more importantly in His creation of each of us as His children.  Satan wants us to believe that there is only one kind of beautiful.  But God tells us differently.  God says that for as many children that He has created there are just as many different kinds of beauty.  God doesn't make ugly.  We are all beautiful in His eyes!  And why?  Because God doesn't just see our outward appearance, He sees who we are on the inside.  He sees our spirits and He knows what our potential is.  So to Him, we are all beautiful.  Unfortunately, we allow ourselves to be tainted by the world and it's definition of beauty.  We cover up our true beauty because of the messages we get from Satan and the world that our own beauty is not beautiful enough.  We choose to believe those untruths and then because of those beliefs, our beautiful sparkling diamond, or our true selves, gets rolled around in the dirt and mud of this life until layers and layers cover up its brilliance.  And then we are miserable because we have buried and hidden the core of who we are in the mud.  Only by pealing off those layers of mud, by letting go of our need to please the world, will that beautiful, brilliant diamond be seen again.  It is there my friends!  We are all beautiful, brilliant, sparkling diamonds, even with our flaws!  It is up to us to do the work of uncovering that I have already talked about - that of getting rid of our negative thoughts and letting go of our negative feelings.  As we do that work, the beautiful, sparkling diamond that we truly are will once again be revealed.

I absolutely love the song Perfect by Pink.  Now if you look it up, it is going to show a naughty word before Perfect in the title.  In the version of the song I have, that word is not in the song or else I would not put it on my blog!  So look up Perfect by Pink and find the clean version that you can listen to.  The words of this song are amazing and relate so well to this belief we have of "I'm not good enough".  Listen with your heart while you read the lyrics!

Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good'
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me

You're so mean when you talk
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,
Look how we all make it.
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It's enough, I've done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I've seen you do the same

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try too hard
And it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?

I'm pretty, pretty, pretty

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me
(You're perfect, you're perfect)
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me.

I cry every time I listen to this song because it so poignantly describes where I was at.  Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood, mistaken, underestimated but always putting on a happy face saying, "No way.  It's all good."  I was so mean when I talked about myself.  BUT I WAS WRONG!  We are wrong!  We are beautiful!!  We need to change those voices in our head to like us instead.  We are the ones that make it complicated.  It is an exhausting game we play and we just need to stop.  We need to chase down those demons - get rid of the negative thoughts and let go of the negative feelings.  We need to stop swallowing our fear and instead face it.  Notice how she said she swallowed the fear by drinking beer.  Apparently her escape from life was beer whereas mine was food.  What are your own addictions and negative behaviors that you resort to to try to escape life?  We need to stop lying to ourselves and to the world because trying to be other than what we truly are will never make us happy.  It is a total waste of our precious time and energy because there will always be critics in the world ready to tell us we're not good enough.  Are we really willing to exchange ourselves and our happiness for what the world tells us to be?  Let's stop letting the world tell us we are less than perfect and not good enough!  We are perfect just the way we are because that is where we are.  That doesn't mean we don't have room to improve and change.  But what it does mean is that we need to stop comparing ourselves to others and beating ourselves up for being who we are right now.  I have always loved the Serenity Prayer. 
Favorite Quote #41:   
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
There is a difference between the things we cannot change and the things we can.  Let's stop berating ourselves for the things we cannot change.  Let's recognize that we are all different for a reason and that we each are our own brand of beautiful!  We are perfect the way we are right now simply because that is who we are right now.  Please don't let Satan convince you that who you are right now is not good enough.  God sees it differently.  He sees the end from the beginning and who we are right now is perfect to Him because He knows there is more we need to experience and learn in order to be ultimately perfect.  Perfect is actually defined as whole and complete.  Our ultimate perfection can only be obtained through the grace and mercy of our Savior.  His perfection completes us and makes us whole.  God has such a beautiful plan for each one of us to accomplish our divine purpose.  It is through our flaws and weaknesses, gifts and talents, trials and experiences that we will fulfill our purpose and make an impact for good on this world!  So let go of the negative untruths in your mind and believe the truth instead!  The truth is that you are brilliant, powerful and beautiful!  Peal off those layers of mud so your beautiful, bright, sparkling, self can shine again!!!
Now I want to ask you a quick question.  As I have talked to some of you who have been reading my blog, I have felt a great desire to connect with more of you.  My thought is to set up a webinar.  I would schedule a date and time when you would call in to a certain number and then we would just talk!  You could ask questions and make comments and I would do the same.  You don't even have to share your name if you would like to remain anonymous.  We could have a great conversation where we would all benefit from each other as we are real with ourselves and the struggles we are having.  So let me know if that is something you would be interested in.  You can comment on this post, leave a message on my Facebook page (Rachelle Rasband Chase), or send me an email at rachellerchase@yahoo.com.  Let me know if you're interested!

You are awesome and wonderful and amazing and powerful and beautiful and brilliant!!!

So be.YOU.tiful!!!