The Lie of "I'm Not Good Enough"

I am so sorry it has taken me so long to make this new post.  It's been one of those weeks!  I had the incredible opportunity to speak at a fireside on Thursday night so I was preparing for that all week.  Some of the things I talked about there have really stuck with me so I wanted to share them in this post.  I know I have touched on the topic of being true to who you really are before, but I wanted to use the next few posts to focus on it.  As you know from my story, I spent years and years very confused about who I was and what I wanted.  I believed I had to be perfect in order to be good enough, loved, and accepted.  So I spent my time trying to be perfect in the eyes of the world.  I tried to please everyone else by doing what everyone else wanted me to do.  I didn't love and accept me so I did everything I could to fill that need by getting others to love and accept me.  I was trying to find my worth in what the world labeled as "worthy".  I was completely indecisive in life always asking what others' opinions were even when it came down to choosing what I wanted to eat at a restaurant.  I had literally given my personal power away to everyone else and their dog because I didn't know who I was or what I wanted in life.

I believe that a lot of us do this.  Because of society's pressure to be "perfect", we believe we can't let any of our flaws show or else we won't be liked and accepted.  We feel very insecure with who we are because of our weaknesses, struggles, and flaws whether they be physical, mental, emotional, social, or spiritual.  I used to leave my home looking like and acting like everything was perfect in my life, but that was just a mask.  At home, my flaws and weaknesses were evident.  I was embarrassed and ashamed of them so I continued to wear the mask every day when I left the house because of my desperate need to fit in and be loved and accepted.  And because I believed that untruth and then acted upon it, I became miserable and depressed.  I was hiding who I truly was and that made me miserable.  I am sad as I look back at what I once was and feel sorry for that person.  I ache for that old me that didn't feel she could go out in the world and be who she really was.  What I never realized was that the people who loved or liked me, loved and liked me BECAUSE of who I really was.  I wish I would have known that accepting the real me was the only way I would find true peace and happiness.

Repeat of Favorite Quote #17:

Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have.

The truth is that everyone has flaws.  But most of the time, we are not paying attention to others' flaws.    We only pay attention to our own and then worry about what everyone else thinks about us and our flaws.  The funny thing is that they are not thinking about us and our flaws.  They are just worrying about their own flaws too.

Favorite Quote #39:

We wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of us if we realized how seldom they do.

So true!!  The really sad part comes in when we compare our own flaws against others' strengths and then berate ourselves for not being perfect in everything like everyone else.  How unfair we are to ourselves!!  Everyone has flaws!  They are part of the package of being mortal.  Our weaknesses, struggles, and flaws are gifts from a loving Heavenly Father to help us become all that He created us to become.  And truthfully, they are not flaws at all.  They are weaknesses that were intentionally, lovingly and thoughtfully given to us by God when He created us.  Our flaws are not there because God made a mistake.  They are there because God knew exactly what He was doing.

I have referred to this quote before, but I'm going to repeat it again.  It's from the book You Are Special by Max Lucado.  Eli, the Wemmicks' maker who also symbolizes God, says this.

Repeat of Favorite Quote #26:

Remember you are special because I made you.  And I don’t make mistakes.

We are not mistakes!  The world and Satan want us to think that we are and that we need to be fixed.  This and that part of our body is imperfect so we need to fix it.  The way we do this or that is wrong so we need to fix it.  We are not mistakes because God doesn't make mistakes.   We need our flaws in order to learn how to be more humble and Christlike.  And we agreed to have them because we knew that through them we would learn to become what God created us to become - kings and queens, gods and goddesses.  God spent His precious time and energy creating each one of us to be unique and different, flaws and all.  If we were already perfect, then we wouldn't even be here.  But instead of recognizing our imperfection as part of the condition of coming to this earth and being grateful for our flaws, we berate and belittle ourselves for having them.  Due to the influence of the world, Satan, and life's circumstances, we believe that our real selves aren't ok because they aren't perfect.  We bury our true selves thinking that we will be happier and more loved if we are what the world tells us to be.  What a lie!  Satan has mastered that deceptive lie and we have believed it!  We need to recognize and believe in who we really are and when we do, we will enable ourselves to feel greater peace and joy and we will go forward with increased personal power and strength.

I truly believe that by studying nature we can learn so many valuable truths about life.  I love how the qualities of a diamond are so similar to us as human beings.  Each diamond is one of a kind because of its unique flaws.  Whether the flaws are internal or external, they all have one, just like we do.  I love this description I found online about a diamond's flaws.  As you read, read as if you are reading about yourself and all of us as human beings.  It is fascinating!

"Many natural flaws can be discovered inside the formation of a diamond. Under the inspection process, these precious gemstones are considered imperfect. Most diamond flaws that occur during the formation of the diamond naturally are not visible to the naked eye and will rarely hinder its market value. The natural flaws that are found in diamonds are actually the inclusions of trace minerals and composites that were present in the area during the time of the natural formation process of the precious gemstone millions of years ago.

"Rarely, is a diamond graded as 'no flaw' and, to find one on the market would be an even rarer find."

www.streetdirectory.com

I love that description of a diamond because it relates to us so wonderfully.  Isn't it interesting that it says "under the inspection process" do they find the flaws?  Isn't it under our own personal inspection process that we find our own flaws?  Most often others don't see those flaws like we think they do.  We put ourselves under the microscope and we magnify everything that is wrong with ourselves.  Then because those flaws are magnified, we allow ourselves to feel inadequate and not good enough.  We ARE imperfect beings, and yet we ARE "precious gemstones" in the eyes of God.  Most of our flaws are invisible to the naked eye, and if they are visible, it is Satan that convinces us to believe we need to change or erase those flaws in order to be acceptable to the world.  God wants us to believe that our flaws do not hinder our value!  In fact, He wants us to believe that we have value and worth BECAUSE of our flaws!  It is our flaws that make us one of a kind, unique and special!  I also love how it says that the natural flaws were inclusions in the diamond's formation over millions of years ago.  We are the same way!  God included flaws in His creation of each of us, His "precious gemstones", over millions of years ago.  We were created spiritually millions of years before we were created physically.  And rarely can you find any human being which is considered as having "no flaw".  I only know of one in the earth's entire history that could be considered as "no flaw", even Jesus Christ.  The interesting thing is that when we look at any diamond, what do we usually think?  “Oh its so beautiful!”  But guess what?  Every diamond is imperfect.  Just like us.  Every diamond has a flaw that was purposefully included in it when it was created millions of years ago.  Just like us.  And just because it has a flaw doesn’t detract from its value.  In fact, it is considered more valuable because that flaw makes it one of a kind.  Just like us.  Even with those flaws, that diamond is still beautiful.  Just like us.   

I just sited the book You Are Special by Max Lucado.  Such a fabulous book!  Well there is a sequel to that book called If Only I Had a Green Nose.  In this book, the new "in" style is to paint your nose green.  Sweet Punchinello asks Eli, the Wemmicks' maker, why everyone wants a green nose.  Let me share with you their conversation:

"Does a green nose make them smarter?" Punchinello asked.

"No."

"Does a green nose make them stronger?"

"No."

"Does it make them faster?"

"No."

"Then what does a green nose make them?"

Eli looked up and smiled. "Greener."

But his smile left as he looked out the window at the long line of Wemmicks [lined up to get their noses painted green].  "They think they'll be happier if they look like everyone else.  But I made them different on purpose.  Freckles, long noses, bright eyes, dark eyes . . . these were my ideas.  Now they all want to look the same."

It was God's idea to make us all different!  We are the way we are for a grand and glorious purpose.  We each have a unique role to play on this earth.  God made us different for a reason. We are the ones that are deceived into thinking that by being the same, by being what the world tells us we should be, we will be happier.  That is Satan's trap towards misery and despair!!!  Believe me!  I tried it for 22 years and it only brought me continual misery and despair.  Each of us are unique, special, one of a kind, and beautiful BECAUSE of our flaws and differences!

As the story continues, Punchinello says he doesn’t want a green nose, but just wants to go see how one looks up close.  Well, he ends up succumbing to the pressure of his world and decides he needs to fit in so he gets his nose painted green.  Soon after he does that, the “in color” changes to red.  So then he gets his nose painted red.  Then the new color is blue, then pink, then yellow, then orange.  There is just no stopping.  Finally, Punchinello is just exhausted trying to keep up and fit in.  He realizes that trying so hard to be “with it” is definitely not making him happy, only frustrated and tired.  He goes back to Eli, his maker, and asks him to help him just be Punchinello again.  

I love this story because it illustrates exactly what happens as we try so hard to “fit in”.  

Repeat of Favorite Quote #3:

Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?

It is one of Satan’s greatest lies to get us to believe that we have to be and do what the world says we need to be and do in order to be happy.  He knows that if he can get us to believe that then we will forever be running on that hamster wheel spinning and spinning trying to keep up and fit in but getting absolutely nowhere.  There is no forward progression when we are constantly worrying about pleasing the world and trying to fit in.  Just like the story illustrates, we will never be good enough in the eyes of the world.  It's an impossible task.  There's just no way to stay caught up with the trends and what's "in" because they are always changing.  

Favorite Quote #40:

If the image maker and pharmaceutical companies and fashion designers have their way, we will always be made to feel that we don't fit.  Either we don't fit the clothes, or we don't fit the ideal, or we don't fit the lifestyle.  We just don't fit, period.

Emme, model and author, True Beauty

Why is it when we go clothes shopping we always say, "Oh I just don't fit in those clothes."  Why aren't we saying instead, "Oh that's just too bad.  Those clothes don't fit me."  The world wants us to believe we don't fit for one reason only - profit.  All these industries are making money off of our despair, depression, and obsession with fitting in.  We absolutely can't win!  Once we feel we've mastered one thing, there will be another and another we will feel we have to master.  So we continue to buy products and services in order to change ourselves once again.  We just keep redoing ourselves in a worldly way time and time again in order to be "with it".  And Satan loves that.  He wants us totally and completely focused on our bodies and how we appear on the outside to the world.  Remember, what is the one thing we have that Satan doesn’t have?  A body right?  He loves getting us to hate what he doesn't have.  He loves getting us to feel inferior and not good enough because of our bodies.  His sole purpose is to get us to believe that we are only our bodies.  If we believe that, then our focus will entirely be on perfecting our bodies so we can please the world instead of perfecting our spirits so we can please God.

Another one of Satan's greatest tactics is that of getting us to compare ourselves to each other.  Nothing good comes out of making comparisons.  It is a totally inaccurate and unbalanced way to judge ourselves and others.  There are two different beliefs we have when we compare ourselves - "I'm not good enough" and "I'm better than".  Remember the pride stick that I talked about a few posts ago?  Both of these beliefs are pride because they are both focused on self.  The belief of "I'm not good enough" is not humility!  It is pride because it is focused on self.  I am going to talk about the "I'm better than" side in my next post.  Obviously in this post I have talked about the "I'm not good enough" side.  Satan wants us to feel inadequate and inferior and when we compare ourselves, we fall right into his trap.

I have had the wonderful opportunity of traveling to several different countries in the world.  I have had people ask me what is the most beautiful place I have ever been to.  My response was this, "I can't nail down one place that was more beautiful than another.  There are just so many different kinds of beauty."  The truth is that God made so many different kinds of beauty not only in His creation of the world, but more importantly in His creation of each of us as His children.  Satan wants us to believe that there is only one kind of beautiful.  But God tells us differently.  God says that for as many children that He has created there are just as many different kinds of beauty.  God doesn't make ugly.  We are all beautiful in His eyes!  And why?  Because God doesn't just see our outward appearance, He sees who we are on the inside.  He sees our spirits and He knows what our potential is.  So to Him, we are all beautiful.  Unfortunately, we allow ourselves to be tainted by the world and it's definition of beauty.  We cover up our true beauty because of the messages we get from Satan and the world that our own beauty is not beautiful enough.  We choose to believe those untruths and then because of those beliefs, our beautiful sparkling diamond, or our true selves, gets rolled around in the dirt and mud of this life until layers and layers cover up its brilliance.  And then we are miserable because we have buried and hidden the core of who we are in the mud.  Only by pealing off those layers of mud, by letting go of our need to please the world, will that beautiful, brilliant diamond be seen again.  It is there my friends!  We are all beautiful, brilliant, sparkling diamonds, even with our flaws!  It is up to us to do the work of uncovering that I have already talked about - that of getting rid of our negative thoughts and letting go of our negative feelings.  As we do that work, the beautiful, sparkling diamond that we truly are will once again be revealed.

I absolutely love the song Perfect by Pink.  Now if you look it up, it is going to show a naughty word before Perfect in the title.  In the version of the song I have, that word is not in the song or else I would not put it on my blog!  So look up Perfect by Pink and find the clean version that you can listen to.  The words of this song are amazing and relate so well to this belief we have of "I'm not good enough".  Listen with your heart while you read the lyrics!

Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good'
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me

You're so mean when you talk
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,
Look how we all make it.
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It's enough, I've done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I've seen you do the same

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try too hard
And it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?

I'm pretty, pretty, pretty

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me
(You're perfect, you're perfect)
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me.

I cry every time I listen to this song because it so poignantly describes where I was at.  Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood, mistaken, underestimated but always putting on a happy face saying, "No way.  It's all good."  I was so mean when I talked about myself.  BUT I WAS WRONG!  We are wrong!  We are beautiful!!  We need to change those voices in our head to like us instead.  We are the ones that make it complicated.  It is an exhausting game we play and we just need to stop.  We need to chase down those demons - get rid of the negative thoughts and let go of the negative feelings.  We need to stop swallowing our fear and instead face it.  Notice how she said she swallowed the fear by drinking beer.  Apparently her escape from life was beer whereas mine was food.  What are your own addictions and negative behaviors that you resort to to try to escape life?  We need to stop lying to ourselves and to the world because trying to be other than what we truly are will never make us happy.  It is a total waste of our precious time and energy because there will always be critics in the world ready to tell us we're not good enough.  Are we really willing to exchange ourselves and our happiness for what the world tells us to be?  Let's stop letting the world tell us we are less than perfect and not good enough!  We are perfect just the way we are because that is where we are.  That doesn't mean we don't have room to improve and change.  But what it does mean is that we need to stop comparing ourselves to others and beating ourselves up for being who we are right now.  I have always loved the Serenity Prayer. 
Favorite Quote #41:   
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
There is a difference between the things we cannot change and the things we can.  Let's stop berating ourselves for the things we cannot change.  Let's recognize that we are all different for a reason and that we each are our own brand of beautiful!  We are perfect the way we are right now simply because that is who we are right now.  Please don't let Satan convince you that who you are right now is not good enough.  God sees it differently.  He sees the end from the beginning and who we are right now is perfect to Him because He knows there is more we need to experience and learn in order to be ultimately perfect.  Perfect is actually defined as whole and complete.  Our ultimate perfection can only be obtained through the grace and mercy of our Savior.  His perfection completes us and makes us whole.  God has such a beautiful plan for each one of us to accomplish our divine purpose.  It is through our flaws and weaknesses, gifts and talents, trials and experiences that we will fulfill our purpose and make an impact for good on this world!  So let go of the negative untruths in your mind and believe the truth instead!  The truth is that you are brilliant, powerful and beautiful!  Peal off those layers of mud so your beautiful, bright, sparkling, self can shine again!!!
Now I want to ask you a quick question.  As I have talked to some of you who have been reading my blog, I have felt a great desire to connect with more of you.  My thought is to set up a webinar.  I would schedule a date and time when you would call in to a certain number and then we would just talk!  You could ask questions and make comments and I would do the same.  You don't even have to share your name if you would like to remain anonymous.  We could have a great conversation where we would all benefit from each other as we are real with ourselves and the struggles we are having.  So let me know if that is something you would be interested in.  You can comment on this post, leave a message on my Facebook page (Rachelle Rasband Chase), or send me an email at rachellerchase@yahoo.com.  Let me know if you're interested!

You are awesome and wonderful and amazing and powerful and beautiful and brilliant!!!

So be.YOU.tiful!!!

From "Ugh. Exercise." to "Yeah! Exercise!"

I recall once when my husband came back from going mountain biking.  He had taken his GoPro with him so he wanted to show me what he had recorded.  I watched and wondered how he could possibly enjoy mountain biking when he was panting like crazy as he worked so hard to climb a steep hill.  He said, "Oh I just love it!  I get so excited to go!"  And I thought, "How could you love to work out like that?  That just seems exhausting and not fun at all!"  It just boggled my mind how he actually looked forward to and loved exercising.  In my last post, I talked about all the things I "had" to do and how that attitude toward life made me miserable.  Well, exercising was one of those things I had to do.  It was a chore.  I did not enjoy working out at all and I most definitely did not look forward to it.  I guilted myself into doing it because everyone else said it was what I ought to do.  I was told all the time that if I wanted to lose weight then I had to work out.  If I wanted to be healthy I had to exercise.  So that is why I exercised.  Because I had to.  Remember my focus was always on losing weight and looking better.  And because that was my focus, I would get really gung-ho about a certain type of exercise because that was the "best" thing to do at the time in order to lose weight.  But after some time, I would lose all motivation because it wasn't helping me in the way I wanted.  I wasn't losing the weight like I had expected so I would lose my drive and fall once again into my pit of despair and apathy.  "Why even try if nothing ever works?"  Over and over again.

Because I compared myself to every living breathing woman, I had a very hard time with group workout classes.  I compared myself to all the women who were tinier and more fit than I was and so I would leave feeling worse than when I got there.  The only group class I did was spinning because all the lights were usually turned off therefore I couldn't really see anyone else and they couldn't really see me.  So I would spin and run.  That led me to do some triathlons and a marathon.   But even the races were my way of proving to the world that even though I didn't have a great body, I could still compete.  Because I didn't believe I was good enough, I was trying to prove to the world through my outward ability that I was.  Actually, what I was really doing was trying to prove to myself that I was good enough.  I remember the last triathlon that I did.  It was with a group of friends and we all went down to Lake Powell to do the triathlon there.  I remember sitting in the back room of the houseboat we stayed on crying because I was the biggest one there out of our group who were competing.  I felt completely inadequate, insecure and literally didn't know if I could allow myself to do the race.  I felt so ashamed with how my body looked at the time.  I did ok in the race, but the shame I experienced convinced me to never do another race until my motivation for doing it had changed.  I was exhausted with trying to keep up with the world and trying to be the best in all that I did and in how I looked.  I didn't want to do any more races in an effort to prove to myself and to the world that I was ok.  I wanted to first believe that I was ok and then do a race because I wanted to do it and because I loved it.

I am grateful for my husband and his example because he has inspired me to do things because I want to and because I love doing them.  I am so grateful to say that I have arrived at that point.  The workouts I do now I do because I love them and crave them!  I still spin because I have realized I absolutely love it!  And would you believe it . . . I even do a group class!  I have become internal instead of external when I workout so I don't spend the whole class comparing myself to the other women.  I literally get so focused on the move that I tune out everyone else around me.  I am amazed at what I can do when I am internal, in the moment, and completely focused on executing the move.

Repeat of Favorite Quote # 20:

Take out the trash.  The trash is anything that's keeping you from the only thing that matters.  This moment, here, now.  And when you truly are in the here and now you'll be amazed at what you can do and how well you can do it.

Peaceful Warrior

When our workouts become about the workout instead of the company we are with, then we will be amazed at what we can do!  When our workouts become about what we love instead of what is acceptable to the world, then we will feel on top of the world when we exercise!

Repeat of Favorite Quote #34:

Everyone tells you what to do and what's good for you.  They don't want you to find your own answers.  They want you to believe theirs.  I want you to stop gathering information from outside yourself and start getting it from the inside.  People are afraid of what's inside.  And that's the only place they're ever going to find what they need.

Peaceful Warrior

So what are our reasons for working out?  Is it to lose weight?  Is it to prove to other people that we are good enough?  Is it to be caught up with the trends of what is the "best" workout so that we can "fit in"?  If we are working out for external reasons, we will not enjoy it.  And then because we don't enjoy it, we won't do it regularly and then we will get frustrated that its not making a difference and then we'll quit.  When we exercise because we love it and because it makes us feel good and helps us have a better day, then we will finally enjoy it and even crave it!  Then we will do it more often and then we will see a change in our bodies.  It all starts with being true to you and loving what you're doing!

So there are three things we need to do.  We've already talked about the first thing many times.  Becoming aware and letting go!  As you let go emotionally, you'll find your attitude towards life changes.  You'll find that you're not so worried about what others think, but about doing what you want and what's best for you.  This then brings us to the second thing - finding what exercise you love to do.  I'm not talking about what all your girlfriends are doing.  I'm not talking about what is the most intense and hardest workout that will totally kick your rear so that you can lose weight.  What do you love?  What exercise do you get excited about doing?  No more worrying about what the world thinks.  No more worrying about losing weight.  No more worrying about getting into a pair of jeans.  So many of us have destination syndrome.  "Oh I'll be happy when I weigh ___ lbs."  "Oh I'll be happy when I can fit into a size _ pair of jeans."  I have done that so many times!  The problem with this mentality is that even when I would get to that weight or fit into that pair of jeans, I would still be unhappy.  Why?  Because I hadn't changed what was on the inside.  Have you ever considered the fact that our bodies are doing the very same thing with weight that we are doing with our thoughts and feelings?  Our body is holding onto the negative unhealthy weight because we are holding onto the negative unhealthy thoughts and feelings.  As we let go emotionally and mentally, our body is then able to let go physically.  If we take our time and change ourselves from the inside out, not only will the change be permanent, but we will find happiness all along our journey!  

Favorite Quote #36:

Happiness is in the journey, not the destination.

I have been amazed this past year as I have focused on becoming aware and letting go as opposed to focusing on food and weight.  I have been so much happier!  And the weight has come off as a natural consequence of doing these other things.  Unfortunately, the harder we hold on to something, the more we push it away.

Favorite Quote #37:

Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you.  But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

It will come!  If you listen to your body and do the things you love and what's best for you, then the weight will come off.  So let's turn our attention to becoming aware and letting go.  Let's turn our attention to enjoying our workout not just suffering through it in order to lose weight or fit in.  Find what YOU love and crave!  be.YOU.tiful!!

I am at the point now where I crave my workout!  It is the coolest feeling because for so long I dreaded working out.  I love the time I have for me in the morning where I take care of my body.  It is amazing how much better of a day I have when I can take some time for me.  So here is the final thing we need to do.  Remember in my last post I talked about taking time for yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and socially.  Each of these areas need to be balanced and taken care of if we want to have peace and joy.  If you're frustrated and depressed, part of the reason is because your life is out of balance.  So schedule time to take care of you!  It is not selfish!  No one else can take care of you like you can!  Only you can give you what you truly need.  I know a lot of us are young mothers with several children and time for ourselves is very hard to come by.  But you will be happier, calmer, more selfless and a more loving mom if you first take care of you.  How many of us have been on a trip away from our kids and come back totally loving them and pumped up to be the best mom ever?  Isn't that what happens?  So why wait for a trip to feel that way?  Don't we want to feel that way every day?  We do it by scheduling some needed "me time" every day so that we can be a better mom, spouse, and individual.  Remember that success is scheduled.  Your "me time" is so important!  Carve out some time for you during the day that nothing gets in the way of.  You have my full permission to guard and protect your "me time".  It is not selfish!  It is necessary in order for us to be the best we can be in all areas of our life!!!

Over the last couple of years, I have tried several workouts.  I did cross fit/boot camp for a year which was intense and amazing!  If YOU enjoy that type of workout then my trainer and his assistants were great!  They know cross fit!  His gym is in Lindon, UT if you are in the area.  He also offers private training sessions.  Here is a link to him - Mat Gover and EXL Fitness.  

I am currently attending a ballet bar type workout called Karve which is also in Lindon, UT.  I have come to love this workout as it combines yoga with strength training.  I found I needed a workout that calmed my soul as well as worked my muscles and this workout fit the bill.  Plus its changing my body.  My muscles are more long and lean than they have ever been before.  Its pretty amazing and I crave it!  I crave Karve!  Here is the link - Brooke Kempton and Karve.

I'm not telling you these things because I want you to do what I have done.  I only offer you these ideas because sometimes it takes some experimenting to find what we love the most.  I ran for a long time thinking that I loved it but I have realized that I never got as excited to run as I did to spin.  I still enjoy running, but spinning is my love!  So find what YOU love!  Try different things to find what is the best fit for your personality and lifestyle.  Then throw away any guilt that you may not be doing what is the "best" or "most intense" workout.  If you love to walk then walk.  If you love to swim then swim.  If you love to do aerobics or Zumba or yoga then do it!!  Just do what YOU love!  Don't worry about what the world thinks or about what your body looks like when you workout.

Favorite Quote #38:

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Dr. Seuss

Forget about all the people out there who judge you based on what your body looks like.  They don't matter!!  The people who love you and support you are the ones that matter and they don't care what your body looks like!  So just do what YOU love!  When you do, you will be amazed how much more fun and enjoyable exercising is.  Instead of "Ugh. Exercise." you'll be saying "Yeah!  Exercise!".  Schedule time for you every day to take care of you in each of those 5 areas so that you can be the best you possible!  You are awesome!  You are beautiful and special just the way you are!  Remember, God made you the way you are for a grand and glorious purpose!  We are all different for a reason!  Embrace who you are!  Do what you love!  And . . .

be.YOU.tiful!!!

Food - Can't Live With It, Can't Live Without It!

Ok I have always been a very detailed, verbose writer.  When I write in my journal or write a letter, it is always lengthy.  So this is another lengthy post.  Most of my posts are lengthy because that's just who I am and I just want to give you all the information I can!  So create some space and time for yourself that you can read this through!

Tell me that title isn't the way we feel sometimes!  For those of us with eating disorders or emotional eating problems, this statement is totally true!  I remember so well the frequent thought I had of "I wish I didn't have to eat at all!"  The battle, worry and obsession in my head over food was just too much at times.  I also remember saying that food was driving me crazy . . . but food is an inanimate object.  It was me that was driving me crazy and I would go to food to escape me.  Our problem is not the food.  Our problem is in the reasons for which we go to food.

All addictions are terrible and hard, but the tricky thing with food is that we can't just eliminate it from our lives despite how much we would like to.  We can't be "abstinent" from food.  We have to eat to survive.  I have tried programs where there are certain foods you remain abstinent from.  While I appreciate and recognize the help these programs offer to people in overcoming their eating problems, I personally felt there was more healing that I could have than that.  I didn't want to live in fear of food and always be saying in my mind, "I can't have that" instead of "I choose not to have that".  Maybe some of you do these programs with an attitude of "I choose to", but I wanted to get to a point where I could choose on my own terms what I ate.  I didn't want to be forced to eat a certain way or told that I couldn't eat certain things in order to be happy.  But this is just me.  Maybe you feel differently about food than I do and that's great.  If those programs work for you and they have brought you peace and joy then that is fantastic!!  For those of you who need and want more freedom, I am here today as a testament that it is possible to be completely free from your emotional eating addictions.  I am now free!!!  I no longer obsess about food all the time.  In fact, I don't even think about food anymore unless my stomach is saying "Feed me!".  I eat what I want and its totally possible for me to have one cookie instead of the whole bag.  This may seem impossible to you right now, but I know it IS possible for you because I have done it!!!

And I have already told you how!  It's all up to us.  No one else can fix us.  If we want to be totally free, we have to look inside.  We have to face our fears and our pains from the past and also as they arise in the present.  Freedom comes through becoming aware and letting go.  The little black book and the write and burn are your first steps to freedom.  As I used these tools, my eating changed as a consequence.  My eating behaviors didn't change because I was focused on what I was putting in my mouth.  My eating behaviors changed because I was focused on what was going on inside of my head.  It was remarkable!  As time went on, I noticed I wasn't thinking about food all the time.  I wasn't beating myself up for eating a cookie or a brownie.  Now of course I had to continue to be aware.  We can never stop being aware because if we do that's when Satan will creep into our thoughts and feelings again.  I guess I stopped being aware at Christmas time because negative thoughts about myself started popping up again.  I was frustrated with how many sweets I had eaten and with how gross I was feeling physically.  I actually got down and discouraged for a couple of days before I finally became self-aware and realized what my problem was.  So I wrote down my negative thoughts in my black book and I did a write and burn on the guilt I felt about eating so many treats.  Then I was immediately better.  Literally immediately!  It is amazing to me how well these tools work!  So please use them!!!  As it says in the movie We Bought a Zoo, all it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage to change the course of your life.  So just give that write and burn 20 seconds of insane courage and I know you will begin to alter the course of your life.

Favorite Quote #28:

Courage is taking those first steps to your dream even if you can't see the path ahead.

I know its not easy and its scary to face those negative feelings and fears.  I know that we feel like those feelings and fears protect us from getting hurt more.  But they don't.  When we squash those feelings down instead of facing them, we are only giving them more power to come back and hurt us more the next time.  When we let go of those negative feelings and fears, we free ourselves from them.  I promise these tools can change your life if you will just use them!!  If you're still struggling with understanding how to use them or have any other questions regarding them please email me at rachellerchase@yahoo.com.  We can even arrange by email a time to talk on the phone if you'd prefer to talk.  So please email me!  I just want to help you!  I don't care who you are or what has happened in your life or what you have done!  We all deserve to be happy!  And I know that's all we want too!

Favorite Scripture #3:

Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

Book of Mormon,  2 Nephi 2:25

I believe this not only applies to the next life, but to this life too!!  God wants us to be happy now, but we are the only ones that can create that happiness for ourselves.  No one can make us happy despite what we may sometimes think.  Have you ever caught yourself saying, "You make me so mad!" or "You made me do that!"  Everything we do is a choice.  Everything we feel is a choice.  No one can make us do anything without us first giving our consent, whether consciously or subconsciously, to do it.

Favorite Quote #29:

Happiness is not a destination.  It is a way of life.

Happiness is a choice.  It is a way of living.  So schedule time for your happiness.  Schedule time to take care of you emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and socially.  Schedule your mental health and well-being.  Take the time to do the write and burns.  As we do this, we create our own happiness.

Favorite Quote #30 and #31:

Success is scheduled.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Here's another one of my favorite songs from Leona Lewis entitled Happy.  Please Google it and listen to it while you read these lyrics.  And please if someone knows how to play music on a blog let me know!! :)

Someone once told me that you have to chooseWhat you win or lose, you can't have everythingDon't you take chances, you might feel the painDon't you love in vain 'cause love won't set you freeI could stand by the side and watch this life pass me bySo unhappy, but safe as could be
So what if it hurts me?So what if I break down?So what if this world just throws me off the edgeMy feet run out of ground?
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my soundDon't care about all the pain in front of me'Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yaJust wanna be happy, ya
Holding on tightly, just can't let it goJust trying to play my role, slowly disappear, ohBut all these days, they feel like they're the sameJust different faces, different names, get me out of hereBut I can't stand by your side, oh noAnd watch this life pass me by, pass me by
So what if it hurts me?So what if I break down?So what if this world just throws me off the edgeMy feet run out of ground?
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my soundDon't care about all the pain in front of me'Cause I'm just trying to be happy, oh, happy, oh
So any turns that I can't seeLike I'm a stranger on this roadBut don't say victim, don't say anything
So what if it hurts me?So what if I break down?So what if this world just throws me off the edgeMy feet run out of ground?
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my soundDon't care about all the pain in front of meI just wanna be happy, oh, yeah, happy, oh, happyI just wanna be, oh, I just wanna be happyOh, happy

We all just want to be happy!  But in order to be happy, we have to do the work.  So let's do the work!

A short time ago, I realized that a big part of my eating problem was my attitude towards life.  I thought life was a bunch of have-to's.  I had to do the laundry.  I had to do the dishes.  I had to make dinner.  I had to clean the house.  I had to get my kids up and get them ready for school.  I had to, I had to, I had to.  And what did that create in my life?  A bunch of monotonous chores that I hated doing because I "had" to do them.  I was bored with life instead of enjoying it.  And when I was bored with life, I found myself going to food.  I recognized that because I needed some "sweetness" in my life, I would go to sweet foods to try to fill that need instead of giving myself what I really needed - the opportunity to choose sweetness in my life.  When I finally realized that every single thing I did was a choice, the chores turned into acts of love and service.  I was the one that chose to have these kids, thus I chose to do everything that came with having a family.  Laundry was a consequence that came from having kids.  I had made that choice and I realized that I wouldn't have chosen anything different than what I had.

Favorite Quote #32:

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.

So as I looked at everything I did as a choice instead of a have-to, I started to enjoy my life more.  I started enjoying folding the laundry and making meals.  I now turn on some empowering music and enjoy the time folding my kids' clothes for them or making them dinner.  And because I was finding more enjoyment in the little things in life, I didn't need to go to food as much anymore to fill that need.  Everything we do is a choice and if we can recognize that, it not only changes how we deal with life but also how much we enjoy it!  Here's another song from my favorite India Arie called I Choose.  Look it up and listen while you read these lyrics.

Because you never know where life is gonna take youAnd you can’t change where you’ve beenBut today, I have the opportunity to choose
Here I am now looking at 30 and I got so much to sayGotta get this off of my chest, I gotta let it go todayI was always too concerned about what everybody would thinkBut I can’t live for everybody; I gotta live my life for me, yeah
I’ve reached a fork in the road of my life whereAin’t nothing gonna happen unless I decide
And I choose to be the best that I can beI choose to be authentic in everythingI do, my past don’t dictate who I amI choose, yeah
I done been through some painful thingsI thought I would never make it throughFilled up with shame from the top of my head to the soles of my shoesI’ve put myself in so many chaotic circumstancesBy the Grace of God I’ve been given so many second chances
But today I decided to let it all goI’m dropping these bags, I’m making room for my joy
And I choose to be the best that I can beI choose to be authentic in everythingI do, my past don’t dictate who I amI choose
Because you never know where life is gonna take youAnd you can’t change where you’ve beenBut today, I have the opportunity to choose
Release the guilt about why things happen the way they do'Cause life is gonna do what it doAnd everyday I have the opportunity to choose
From this day forward, I’m going to be exactly who I amI don’t need to change the way that I live just to get a man, noI even had a talk with my mama and I told her today I’m grownFrom this day forward every decision that I make will be my own
And I choose to be the best that I can beI choose to be courageous in everythingI do, my past don’t dictate who I amI choose, yeah
And I choose to be the best that I can beI choose to be authentic in everythingI do, my past don’t dictate who I amI choose
Because you never know where life is gonna take youAnd you can’t change where you’ve beenBut today, I have the opportunity to choose
Release the guilt about why things happen the way they do'Cause life is gonna do what it doAnd everyday I have the opportunity to choose
So choose happiness my friends!!

At one point along my journey, I was kind of frustrated because I had done a lot of write and burns and had let go of a lot so I was expecting my eating behaviors to change more drastically.  I was frustrated with my set backs and the times that I wouldn't have as much self-control as I expected.  I expressed this concern to my mentor one day and he gave me two suggestions.  First, he told me to be more aware while I was eating.  For most of us, our negative eating behaviors have become habitual.  When we have a negative experience, thought or feeling, our default reaction is to go to food.  I had been one to just scarf down my food and not even think about what or how much I was putting in my mouth.  I would go unconscious when I ate because that was my habit.  So he challenged me to slow down and be more aware by focusing on every bite.  How does it taste?  What are the flavors that stand out?  What are the colors and textures of the food that make it so delightful?  How am I feeling?  Am I still hungry, satisfied, or full?  In other words, be in the moment with every bite.  It took me awhile to get the concept down, but as I learned how to be in the moment a little more I not only enjoyed the food more, but I also didn't eat as much.  By doing this I would eat slower so that by the time my body signaled to me that it was satisfied, I had eaten a lot less.  When we scarf down food, we eat so fast that by the time our mind can process that we've had enough food, we have already eaten the whole plate.  Because I now eat slower, there is usually a bit of food still left on my plate.  You do not have to eat all the food on your plate!!!  I know a lot of us were trained as children to clean our plates because there are starving kids in Africa, but that is not the reason we should eat all the food.  That food either goes in the garbage or goes in our mouth so either way its not getting to the kids in Africa.  So I give you total permission to stop thinking that right now.  Do a write and burn about your feelings of guilt for not eating your entire plate of food.  Be in the moment as you eat.  Start learning how to recognize your body's cues as to when its had enough food and is satisfied.  I love thinking about my young kids in this regard.  Younger kids are able to stop when they are satisfied all the time.  They say, "Oh I'm full.  I just don't want anymore."  I remember asking my six year old if she wanted dessert once and she replied, "No.  I'm not hungry."  I was shocked.  Little kids get how to eat.  Please don't change that for your children by telling them they need to clean their plate.  They naturally have that intuitive ability to listen to their bodies and give their bodies what they need.  We want to become like them!  As we grow older, we get all these mixed messages of how and what we should eat which just ends up hurting us.  So if we can get back to the purity of intuitively listening to our bodies and being in the moment as we eat, we will not only change how much we eat but also the enjoyment we get out of eating!

I really do love songs because they help me feel so deeply all the truths that I have learned.  So here's my final song for this post about living in the moment.  It is actually called Living in the Moment by Jason Mraz.  Look it up and listen while you read!

If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps?
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free

I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me

So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I'll only do this by
Living in the moment
Living our life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
Living in the moment

I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
I'm letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong
And I believe this way can be the same for everyone

And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I can't walk through life facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more
By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
Got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Oh, easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
Peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment

Love that song!  Did you notice all the times he talked about letting go and not looking back to the past?  Just live in the moment!!  Life is more fun and enjoyable that way!!  And we are also more at peace and happier that way!!

The second thing my mentor asked me to do when I ate was to pay attention to what I was thinking about food.  What was I saying to myself as I ate or as I was about to eat?  So one day I paid more attention than normal to what I was saying to myself about food.  I went down to the kitchen and the first thoughts that came to my mind were, "I don't know what to eat!  There is nothing to eat!  I don't know how to eat healthy!  I have no idea what to eat!"  I was blown away!  If I was saying these things to myself, what do you think my actions were?  Whatever we tell ourselves is usually what manifests in our lives.

Favorite Quote #33:

If you think you can, you can, and if you think you can't, you're right.

Well no wonder I never knew what to eat and I would always eat unhealthily!  I had good intentions and desires and I knew what food was best for me, but because I didn't change the way I thought and felt about food, I would immediately resort to my default eating behavior of eating sweets and sugar.  Why do you think so many of us gain weight back plus more after we go on a diet?  We go through the outward motions of adhering to the diet, but once its over, we go back to our same previous behaviors.  We haven't changed the way we think.  The only way to change permanently is to change from the inside out.

Favorite Scripture #4:

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he . . . .

Old Testament, Proverbs 23:7

So what are you thinking about food?  Guaranteed if you are struggling with negative eating habits, they began with a negative thought.  Remember the thought pattern?  Go check it out in my Our Relationships post if you haven't read it already.  Everything begins with a thought!  Habits begin with a thought.  Because those thoughts and their associated actions are repeated again and again, they become the default behavior until they are replaced by a different behavior.  There are three parts to a habit.  First the trigger.  Second the habit itself and third the reward.  What was my trigger (Or rather one of my triggers right?  We have lots of triggers.) to eating poorly?  Poor thoughts about what to eat.  What was my habit?  Eating poorly.  What was my reward?  Yummy sweet food.  Momentary enjoyment and an escape from life.  So in order to change my habit, I needed to change all three parts of it or at least the first two.  Often we can just replace the first two parts because we want to keep the same reward.  But I wanted my reward to be lasting joy not just momentary.  So I began by changing the way I thought about food.  I purposely changed my thoughts to, "I do know what to eat!  There are so many wonderful healthy foods that I love and want to eat!  There are so many yummy foods that I can eat!  I love eating healthy because it makes me feel good physically and mentally!"  As a result, my habit then changed to eating more foods that were healthy and that were in alignment with my goals.  So when the reward I received was joy, contentment, peace and fulfillment ten times greater and longer-lasting than what it was before, I of course was motivated to make this my new habit.  As I have continued repeating this new way of relating to food, my default action has changed to this new behavior.  I have gotten rid of my previous negative association to food because I have replaced it with something more rewarding and fulfilling.  My eating habits really started changing at this point all because I became aware of my internal dialogue.  So once again pay attention to what you are saying to yourself.  Become aware of your thoughts.  Think about what you are thinking about.  You will make huge changes in your behaviors by doing this.

The final thing I want to warn us of is falling into the worldly trap of labeling food as good or bad.  A hamburger and a brownie are bad and a salad and an apple are good.  So what do you think happens in our mind when we eat a hamburger?  "Oh I can't believe I just ate that hamburger.  It's so bad for me!  I am so bad because I just ate that bad hamburger!"  We may not say this consciously, but this is what happens.  When we label food as good or bad, then we eventually label ourselves as good or bad when we eat that food.  Then we self-sabotage by eating more stuff that is "bad" because we believe we are bad.  As my thoughts have become healthier in regards to myself and food, my choices of what to eat have become healthier.  The way we think about food and ourselves plays a huge role in what we actually choose to eat.  Food is just food!!  Think about it in this way.  If there was nothing left on the earth to eat but a hamburger or a carrot, which would you eat?  I think most of us would say the hamburger right?  Its got protein and carbs in it that we need in order to survive.  The carrot just has beta-carotine in it.  In and of itself a hamburger is not bad.  Now if we eat a hamburger every day, that's probably not the best for our bodies.  Moderation in all things is the key along with letting go of the judgments and labels we put on food.  Now I know that moderation is very hard to do when you have an eating disorder.  I couldn't even comprehend being moderate in the thick of my disorder.  But because I have done the emotional and mental work, being moderate has become the natural result.  So be aware of this concept.  Catch yourself when you label food as good or bad and change your thought to "Food is just food."  Then make a choice of whether or not YOU want that food.  Don't think about what everyone else would do or what the world tells you to do.  What do you want?

Favorite Quote #34:

Everyone tells you what to do and what's good for you.  They don't want you to find your own answers.  They want you to believe theirs.  I want you to stop gathering information from outside yourself and start getting it from the inside.  People are afraid of what's inside.  And that's the only place they're ever going to find what they need.

Peaceful Warrior

So look inside.  What do you want?  What does your body need in that moment?  Pay attention.  If you want that brownie, then eat it.  But accept that you made that choice and be responsible for it instead of beating yourself up for it.  As soon as we start feeling guilty is the very moment Satan gets us to plummet down that negative spiral.  Eat what you want then be accountable for it.

Favorite Quote #35:

There is no better.  You will never be better.  Same way that you'll never be less than anybody else.  The habit is the problem.  All you need to do is be conscious about your choices and responsible for your actions.  Every action has its price and its pleasure.  Recognizing both sides a warrior becomes realistic and responsible for his actions.

Peaceful Warrior

Can you tell I love the movie Peaceful Warrior?  It really is phenomenal!  Please watch it!  It will help you see and understand the process I have been describing in all of my posts about becoming aware, letting go, living in the moment, and enjoying the journey.

There are two amazing books I have read that discuss what I have talked about in this post on food. One is Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch.  The second is Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnston.  These books truly helped me understand not only how to change my eating behaviors, but also the reasons why my eating behaviors were the way they were. These books go into great depth more so than I can do in a blog post.  Fabulous and insightful reads!

So let's do this!!  Become aware!  Let go of your negative thoughts and feelings!  Live in the moment!  And remember that everything you do is your choice!  So choose what you want and then be responsible for it.  Choose happiness by being true to you!  I know you can do this!  My heart goes out to you!  Hang in there and please let me know if I can help you in any way!

be.YOU.tiful!!