Food - Can't Live With It, Can't Live Without It!

Ok I have always been a very detailed, verbose writer.  When I write in my journal or write a letter, it is always lengthy.  So this is another lengthy post.  Most of my posts are lengthy because that's just who I am and I just want to give you all the information I can!  So create some space and time for yourself that you can read this through!

Tell me that title isn't the way we feel sometimes!  For those of us with eating disorders or emotional eating problems, this statement is totally true!  I remember so well the frequent thought I had of "I wish I didn't have to eat at all!"  The battle, worry and obsession in my head over food was just too much at times.  I also remember saying that food was driving me crazy . . . but food is an inanimate object.  It was me that was driving me crazy and I would go to food to escape me.  Our problem is not the food.  Our problem is in the reasons for which we go to food.

All addictions are terrible and hard, but the tricky thing with food is that we can't just eliminate it from our lives despite how much we would like to.  We can't be "abstinent" from food.  We have to eat to survive.  I have tried programs where there are certain foods you remain abstinent from.  While I appreciate and recognize the help these programs offer to people in overcoming their eating problems, I personally felt there was more healing that I could have than that.  I didn't want to live in fear of food and always be saying in my mind, "I can't have that" instead of "I choose not to have that".  Maybe some of you do these programs with an attitude of "I choose to", but I wanted to get to a point where I could choose on my own terms what I ate.  I didn't want to be forced to eat a certain way or told that I couldn't eat certain things in order to be happy.  But this is just me.  Maybe you feel differently about food than I do and that's great.  If those programs work for you and they have brought you peace and joy then that is fantastic!!  For those of you who need and want more freedom, I am here today as a testament that it is possible to be completely free from your emotional eating addictions.  I am now free!!!  I no longer obsess about food all the time.  In fact, I don't even think about food anymore unless my stomach is saying "Feed me!".  I eat what I want and its totally possible for me to have one cookie instead of the whole bag.  This may seem impossible to you right now, but I know it IS possible for you because I have done it!!!

And I have already told you how!  It's all up to us.  No one else can fix us.  If we want to be totally free, we have to look inside.  We have to face our fears and our pains from the past and also as they arise in the present.  Freedom comes through becoming aware and letting go.  The little black book and the write and burn are your first steps to freedom.  As I used these tools, my eating changed as a consequence.  My eating behaviors didn't change because I was focused on what I was putting in my mouth.  My eating behaviors changed because I was focused on what was going on inside of my head.  It was remarkable!  As time went on, I noticed I wasn't thinking about food all the time.  I wasn't beating myself up for eating a cookie or a brownie.  Now of course I had to continue to be aware.  We can never stop being aware because if we do that's when Satan will creep into our thoughts and feelings again.  I guess I stopped being aware at Christmas time because negative thoughts about myself started popping up again.  I was frustrated with how many sweets I had eaten and with how gross I was feeling physically.  I actually got down and discouraged for a couple of days before I finally became self-aware and realized what my problem was.  So I wrote down my negative thoughts in my black book and I did a write and burn on the guilt I felt about eating so many treats.  Then I was immediately better.  Literally immediately!  It is amazing to me how well these tools work!  So please use them!!!  As it says in the movie We Bought a Zoo, all it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage to change the course of your life.  So just give that write and burn 20 seconds of insane courage and I know you will begin to alter the course of your life.

Favorite Quote #28:

Courage is taking those first steps to your dream even if you can't see the path ahead.

I know its not easy and its scary to face those negative feelings and fears.  I know that we feel like those feelings and fears protect us from getting hurt more.  But they don't.  When we squash those feelings down instead of facing them, we are only giving them more power to come back and hurt us more the next time.  When we let go of those negative feelings and fears, we free ourselves from them.  I promise these tools can change your life if you will just use them!!  If you're still struggling with understanding how to use them or have any other questions regarding them please email me at rachellerchase@yahoo.com.  We can even arrange by email a time to talk on the phone if you'd prefer to talk.  So please email me!  I just want to help you!  I don't care who you are or what has happened in your life or what you have done!  We all deserve to be happy!  And I know that's all we want too!

Favorite Scripture #3:

Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

Book of Mormon,  2 Nephi 2:25

I believe this not only applies to the next life, but to this life too!!  God wants us to be happy now, but we are the only ones that can create that happiness for ourselves.  No one can make us happy despite what we may sometimes think.  Have you ever caught yourself saying, "You make me so mad!" or "You made me do that!"  Everything we do is a choice.  Everything we feel is a choice.  No one can make us do anything without us first giving our consent, whether consciously or subconsciously, to do it.

Favorite Quote #29:

Happiness is not a destination.  It is a way of life.

Happiness is a choice.  It is a way of living.  So schedule time for your happiness.  Schedule time to take care of you emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and socially.  Schedule your mental health and well-being.  Take the time to do the write and burns.  As we do this, we create our own happiness.

Favorite Quote #30 and #31:

Success is scheduled.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Here's another one of my favorite songs from Leona Lewis entitled Happy.  Please Google it and listen to it while you read these lyrics.  And please if someone knows how to play music on a blog let me know!! :)

Someone once told me that you have to chooseWhat you win or lose, you can't have everythingDon't you take chances, you might feel the painDon't you love in vain 'cause love won't set you freeI could stand by the side and watch this life pass me bySo unhappy, but safe as could be
So what if it hurts me?So what if I break down?So what if this world just throws me off the edgeMy feet run out of ground?
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my soundDon't care about all the pain in front of me'Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yaJust wanna be happy, ya
Holding on tightly, just can't let it goJust trying to play my role, slowly disappear, ohBut all these days, they feel like they're the sameJust different faces, different names, get me out of hereBut I can't stand by your side, oh noAnd watch this life pass me by, pass me by
So what if it hurts me?So what if I break down?So what if this world just throws me off the edgeMy feet run out of ground?
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my soundDon't care about all the pain in front of me'Cause I'm just trying to be happy, oh, happy, oh
So any turns that I can't seeLike I'm a stranger on this roadBut don't say victim, don't say anything
So what if it hurts me?So what if I break down?So what if this world just throws me off the edgeMy feet run out of ground?
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my soundDon't care about all the pain in front of meI just wanna be happy, oh, yeah, happy, oh, happyI just wanna be, oh, I just wanna be happyOh, happy

We all just want to be happy!  But in order to be happy, we have to do the work.  So let's do the work!

A short time ago, I realized that a big part of my eating problem was my attitude towards life.  I thought life was a bunch of have-to's.  I had to do the laundry.  I had to do the dishes.  I had to make dinner.  I had to clean the house.  I had to get my kids up and get them ready for school.  I had to, I had to, I had to.  And what did that create in my life?  A bunch of monotonous chores that I hated doing because I "had" to do them.  I was bored with life instead of enjoying it.  And when I was bored with life, I found myself going to food.  I recognized that because I needed some "sweetness" in my life, I would go to sweet foods to try to fill that need instead of giving myself what I really needed - the opportunity to choose sweetness in my life.  When I finally realized that every single thing I did was a choice, the chores turned into acts of love and service.  I was the one that chose to have these kids, thus I chose to do everything that came with having a family.  Laundry was a consequence that came from having kids.  I had made that choice and I realized that I wouldn't have chosen anything different than what I had.

Favorite Quote #32:

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.

So as I looked at everything I did as a choice instead of a have-to, I started to enjoy my life more.  I started enjoying folding the laundry and making meals.  I now turn on some empowering music and enjoy the time folding my kids' clothes for them or making them dinner.  And because I was finding more enjoyment in the little things in life, I didn't need to go to food as much anymore to fill that need.  Everything we do is a choice and if we can recognize that, it not only changes how we deal with life but also how much we enjoy it!  Here's another song from my favorite India Arie called I Choose.  Look it up and listen while you read these lyrics.

Because you never know where life is gonna take youAnd you can’t change where you’ve beenBut today, I have the opportunity to choose
Here I am now looking at 30 and I got so much to sayGotta get this off of my chest, I gotta let it go todayI was always too concerned about what everybody would thinkBut I can’t live for everybody; I gotta live my life for me, yeah
I’ve reached a fork in the road of my life whereAin’t nothing gonna happen unless I decide
And I choose to be the best that I can beI choose to be authentic in everythingI do, my past don’t dictate who I amI choose, yeah
I done been through some painful thingsI thought I would never make it throughFilled up with shame from the top of my head to the soles of my shoesI’ve put myself in so many chaotic circumstancesBy the Grace of God I’ve been given so many second chances
But today I decided to let it all goI’m dropping these bags, I’m making room for my joy
And I choose to be the best that I can beI choose to be authentic in everythingI do, my past don’t dictate who I amI choose
Because you never know where life is gonna take youAnd you can’t change where you’ve beenBut today, I have the opportunity to choose
Release the guilt about why things happen the way they do'Cause life is gonna do what it doAnd everyday I have the opportunity to choose
From this day forward, I’m going to be exactly who I amI don’t need to change the way that I live just to get a man, noI even had a talk with my mama and I told her today I’m grownFrom this day forward every decision that I make will be my own
And I choose to be the best that I can beI choose to be courageous in everythingI do, my past don’t dictate who I amI choose, yeah
And I choose to be the best that I can beI choose to be authentic in everythingI do, my past don’t dictate who I amI choose
Because you never know where life is gonna take youAnd you can’t change where you’ve beenBut today, I have the opportunity to choose
Release the guilt about why things happen the way they do'Cause life is gonna do what it doAnd everyday I have the opportunity to choose
So choose happiness my friends!!

At one point along my journey, I was kind of frustrated because I had done a lot of write and burns and had let go of a lot so I was expecting my eating behaviors to change more drastically.  I was frustrated with my set backs and the times that I wouldn't have as much self-control as I expected.  I expressed this concern to my mentor one day and he gave me two suggestions.  First, he told me to be more aware while I was eating.  For most of us, our negative eating behaviors have become habitual.  When we have a negative experience, thought or feeling, our default reaction is to go to food.  I had been one to just scarf down my food and not even think about what or how much I was putting in my mouth.  I would go unconscious when I ate because that was my habit.  So he challenged me to slow down and be more aware by focusing on every bite.  How does it taste?  What are the flavors that stand out?  What are the colors and textures of the food that make it so delightful?  How am I feeling?  Am I still hungry, satisfied, or full?  In other words, be in the moment with every bite.  It took me awhile to get the concept down, but as I learned how to be in the moment a little more I not only enjoyed the food more, but I also didn't eat as much.  By doing this I would eat slower so that by the time my body signaled to me that it was satisfied, I had eaten a lot less.  When we scarf down food, we eat so fast that by the time our mind can process that we've had enough food, we have already eaten the whole plate.  Because I now eat slower, there is usually a bit of food still left on my plate.  You do not have to eat all the food on your plate!!!  I know a lot of us were trained as children to clean our plates because there are starving kids in Africa, but that is not the reason we should eat all the food.  That food either goes in the garbage or goes in our mouth so either way its not getting to the kids in Africa.  So I give you total permission to stop thinking that right now.  Do a write and burn about your feelings of guilt for not eating your entire plate of food.  Be in the moment as you eat.  Start learning how to recognize your body's cues as to when its had enough food and is satisfied.  I love thinking about my young kids in this regard.  Younger kids are able to stop when they are satisfied all the time.  They say, "Oh I'm full.  I just don't want anymore."  I remember asking my six year old if she wanted dessert once and she replied, "No.  I'm not hungry."  I was shocked.  Little kids get how to eat.  Please don't change that for your children by telling them they need to clean their plate.  They naturally have that intuitive ability to listen to their bodies and give their bodies what they need.  We want to become like them!  As we grow older, we get all these mixed messages of how and what we should eat which just ends up hurting us.  So if we can get back to the purity of intuitively listening to our bodies and being in the moment as we eat, we will not only change how much we eat but also the enjoyment we get out of eating!

I really do love songs because they help me feel so deeply all the truths that I have learned.  So here's my final song for this post about living in the moment.  It is actually called Living in the Moment by Jason Mraz.  Look it up and listen while you read!

If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps?
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free

I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me

So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I'll only do this by
Living in the moment
Living our life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
Living in the moment

I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
I'm letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong
And I believe this way can be the same for everyone

And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I can't walk through life facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more
By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
Got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Oh, easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
Peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment

Love that song!  Did you notice all the times he talked about letting go and not looking back to the past?  Just live in the moment!!  Life is more fun and enjoyable that way!!  And we are also more at peace and happier that way!!

The second thing my mentor asked me to do when I ate was to pay attention to what I was thinking about food.  What was I saying to myself as I ate or as I was about to eat?  So one day I paid more attention than normal to what I was saying to myself about food.  I went down to the kitchen and the first thoughts that came to my mind were, "I don't know what to eat!  There is nothing to eat!  I don't know how to eat healthy!  I have no idea what to eat!"  I was blown away!  If I was saying these things to myself, what do you think my actions were?  Whatever we tell ourselves is usually what manifests in our lives.

Favorite Quote #33:

If you think you can, you can, and if you think you can't, you're right.

Well no wonder I never knew what to eat and I would always eat unhealthily!  I had good intentions and desires and I knew what food was best for me, but because I didn't change the way I thought and felt about food, I would immediately resort to my default eating behavior of eating sweets and sugar.  Why do you think so many of us gain weight back plus more after we go on a diet?  We go through the outward motions of adhering to the diet, but once its over, we go back to our same previous behaviors.  We haven't changed the way we think.  The only way to change permanently is to change from the inside out.

Favorite Scripture #4:

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he . . . .

Old Testament, Proverbs 23:7

So what are you thinking about food?  Guaranteed if you are struggling with negative eating habits, they began with a negative thought.  Remember the thought pattern?  Go check it out in my Our Relationships post if you haven't read it already.  Everything begins with a thought!  Habits begin with a thought.  Because those thoughts and their associated actions are repeated again and again, they become the default behavior until they are replaced by a different behavior.  There are three parts to a habit.  First the trigger.  Second the habit itself and third the reward.  What was my trigger (Or rather one of my triggers right?  We have lots of triggers.) to eating poorly?  Poor thoughts about what to eat.  What was my habit?  Eating poorly.  What was my reward?  Yummy sweet food.  Momentary enjoyment and an escape from life.  So in order to change my habit, I needed to change all three parts of it or at least the first two.  Often we can just replace the first two parts because we want to keep the same reward.  But I wanted my reward to be lasting joy not just momentary.  So I began by changing the way I thought about food.  I purposely changed my thoughts to, "I do know what to eat!  There are so many wonderful healthy foods that I love and want to eat!  There are so many yummy foods that I can eat!  I love eating healthy because it makes me feel good physically and mentally!"  As a result, my habit then changed to eating more foods that were healthy and that were in alignment with my goals.  So when the reward I received was joy, contentment, peace and fulfillment ten times greater and longer-lasting than what it was before, I of course was motivated to make this my new habit.  As I have continued repeating this new way of relating to food, my default action has changed to this new behavior.  I have gotten rid of my previous negative association to food because I have replaced it with something more rewarding and fulfilling.  My eating habits really started changing at this point all because I became aware of my internal dialogue.  So once again pay attention to what you are saying to yourself.  Become aware of your thoughts.  Think about what you are thinking about.  You will make huge changes in your behaviors by doing this.

The final thing I want to warn us of is falling into the worldly trap of labeling food as good or bad.  A hamburger and a brownie are bad and a salad and an apple are good.  So what do you think happens in our mind when we eat a hamburger?  "Oh I can't believe I just ate that hamburger.  It's so bad for me!  I am so bad because I just ate that bad hamburger!"  We may not say this consciously, but this is what happens.  When we label food as good or bad, then we eventually label ourselves as good or bad when we eat that food.  Then we self-sabotage by eating more stuff that is "bad" because we believe we are bad.  As my thoughts have become healthier in regards to myself and food, my choices of what to eat have become healthier.  The way we think about food and ourselves plays a huge role in what we actually choose to eat.  Food is just food!!  Think about it in this way.  If there was nothing left on the earth to eat but a hamburger or a carrot, which would you eat?  I think most of us would say the hamburger right?  Its got protein and carbs in it that we need in order to survive.  The carrot just has beta-carotine in it.  In and of itself a hamburger is not bad.  Now if we eat a hamburger every day, that's probably not the best for our bodies.  Moderation in all things is the key along with letting go of the judgments and labels we put on food.  Now I know that moderation is very hard to do when you have an eating disorder.  I couldn't even comprehend being moderate in the thick of my disorder.  But because I have done the emotional and mental work, being moderate has become the natural result.  So be aware of this concept.  Catch yourself when you label food as good or bad and change your thought to "Food is just food."  Then make a choice of whether or not YOU want that food.  Don't think about what everyone else would do or what the world tells you to do.  What do you want?

Favorite Quote #34:

Everyone tells you what to do and what's good for you.  They don't want you to find your own answers.  They want you to believe theirs.  I want you to stop gathering information from outside yourself and start getting it from the inside.  People are afraid of what's inside.  And that's the only place they're ever going to find what they need.

Peaceful Warrior

So look inside.  What do you want?  What does your body need in that moment?  Pay attention.  If you want that brownie, then eat it.  But accept that you made that choice and be responsible for it instead of beating yourself up for it.  As soon as we start feeling guilty is the very moment Satan gets us to plummet down that negative spiral.  Eat what you want then be accountable for it.

Favorite Quote #35:

There is no better.  You will never be better.  Same way that you'll never be less than anybody else.  The habit is the problem.  All you need to do is be conscious about your choices and responsible for your actions.  Every action has its price and its pleasure.  Recognizing both sides a warrior becomes realistic and responsible for his actions.

Peaceful Warrior

Can you tell I love the movie Peaceful Warrior?  It really is phenomenal!  Please watch it!  It will help you see and understand the process I have been describing in all of my posts about becoming aware, letting go, living in the moment, and enjoying the journey.

There are two amazing books I have read that discuss what I have talked about in this post on food. One is Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch.  The second is Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnston.  These books truly helped me understand not only how to change my eating behaviors, but also the reasons why my eating behaviors were the way they were. These books go into great depth more so than I can do in a blog post.  Fabulous and insightful reads!

So let's do this!!  Become aware!  Let go of your negative thoughts and feelings!  Live in the moment!  And remember that everything you do is your choice!  So choose what you want and then be responsible for it.  Choose happiness by being true to you!  I know you can do this!  My heart goes out to you!  Hang in there and please let me know if I can help you in any way!

be.YOU.tiful!!