Society and the Media

So I know I have made several posts talking about relationships and our children.  I hope that throughout these posts you have seen how your healing and willingness to take care of you will greatly affect and benefit your close relationships and your children.  Your example can then teach your kids that the only way to find true peace and happiness is by looking inside.  And who doesn't want their kids learning how to create their own happiness!

Favorite Quote #21, #22, #23, #24, #25:

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Mahatma Gandhi

Happiness is an inside job.

William Arthur Ward

The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it for yourself.

Benjamin Franklin

Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.

Eleanor Roosevelt

I wanted to address something that I briefly touched on in my last post - the pressures of society and the media.  You already know that this was a huge source of pressure for me during my 22 year long struggle.  I felt I had to fit into a perfect mold of how my body looked in order to be accepted and liked.  That belief really crippled me and ended up affecting all areas of my life bringing me only misery and despair.  What kills me is the influence society and the media are now having on my children.  I have four daughters.  My older three have each dealt with the pressures of looking a certain way because the world says that is the way you need to look and dress in order to be ok and acceptable.  Its just awful what the media and society are throwing at them.  We see it everywhere!  TV, the radio, clothing styles, movies, magazines.  The media is so overridden with the pressure to be and look a certain way.  And we can give Satan all the credit for that.

I absolutely love music!  So at one point awhile back I decided to listen more to music that would inspire, uplift, and empower me.  I have been more selective about what I listen to because I don't want the influence of the world to get into my head again.  For awhile now I have been listening to empowering music as I exercise.  Now don't get me wrong.  I still love a song with a good beat to spin to!  But imagine this - I am in the middle of a run and Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood starts playing.  I start sobbing!!  Literally this has happened.  I then have a really hard time running because I can't catch my breath through my sobs.  It really is hilarious, but it is so inspiring to listen to these types of songs!  I only run on my treadmill because this is a common occurrence when I run.  Oh see!  I just had to catch myself!  I was worrying about what other people thought just then.  I'm going to go run outside just to prove to myself it doesn't matter if I break down sobbing on the side of the road because of an amazing song I am listening to!  Who cares what the world thinks right?!!!  So if you see me on the side of the road crying you'll know why! :)

Anyway, I love empowering, inspiring music because it helps motivate me to change my life and be who I know I can be.  I get so excited when I find a song that is about the beauty of women because of who we are not what we look like.  I literally jumped for joy when Selena Gomez put out her song Who Says.  I played it for my girls all the time because I wanted them to hear the message too.  Not many singers will sing about just being yourself and that you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are!  Oh I guess Bruno Mars did do the song Just the Way You Are so that's a good one too.  Now I have tried extremely hard to figure out how to play music on my blog and things just haven't come together for me.  I wanted you to be able to click a link so you could hear these songs while you read the lyrics.  I am an Apple girl so I have bought most of my music through iTunes.  I can't seem to figure out how to play them here because they are in m4a format.  And the music players I have checked out don't have the songs I want to play for you.  If any of you have any ideas or have a music player that works for you on your blog please let me know.  So if you have a way to listen to this song then please do it because I would love for you to be able to listen and read the lyrics at the same time.  Here are the lyrics to Who Says:

Wouldn't wanna be anybody else,
Hey!

You made me insecure,
Told me I wasn't good enough.
But who are you to judge,
When you're a diamond in the rough.
I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself,
But when it comes to me
I wouldn't want to be anybody else.

I'm no beauty queen,
I'm just beautiful me.
You've got every right
To a beautiful life.
C'mon!

Who says.
Who says you're not perfect,
Who says you're not worth it,
Who says you're the only one that's hurting?
Trust me,
That's the price of beauty,
Who says you're not pretty,
Who says you're not beautiful?
Who says?

It's such a funny thing,
How nothing's funny when it's you.
You tell 'em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth.
It's like a work of art
That never gets to see the light,
Keep you beneath the stars,
Won't let you touch the sky.

I'm no beauty queen,
I'm just beautiful me.
You've got every right
To a beautiful life.
C'mon!

Who says.
Who says you're not perfect,
Who says you're not worth it,
Who says you're the only one that's hurting?
Trust me,
That's the price of beauty,
Who says you're not pretty,
Who says you're not beautiful?
Who says?

Who says you're not star potential,
Who says you're not presidential,
Who says you can't be in movies?
Listen to me, listen to me.
Who says you don't pass the test,
Who says you can't be the best,
Who said, who said?
Won't you tell me who said that?
Yeah... Who says.

Who says.
Who says you're not perfect,
Who says you're not worth it,
Who says you're the only one that's hurting?
Trust me,
That's the price of beauty,
Who says you're not pretty,
Who says you're not beautiful?
Who says?

I love this song!  I love that it supports the idea of being your own beautiful.  be.YOU.tiful!!!  Unfortunately, there are so many songs out there that are just trash!  All about women's sexy bodies and sex itself.  Seriously who decides all the standards anyway?  Who decides that wearing these clothes or having a body that looks that way is what makes you beautiful?  So just because a small group of people decide what is fashionable and beautiful means we all have to be that way in order to be fashionable and beautiful?  Who says???  Satan . . . that's who.  So let's be more selective about what we listen to, not just for our sakes but for our children's as well.

Another class I attended on the same day as the drug class that I talked about in my last post was a class about eating disorders and distorted body image.  The gal teaching the class was amazing!  Her name is Sydney Beames.  She created an incredible slideshow presentation that is publicly accessible.  Here is the link - Body Image Distortions and Eating Disorders.  Once there, continue to click on the right arrow to see the next slide.  She talked a lot about the media and how it affects us and our beliefs.  She has a slide about an incredible study done in Nadroga, Fiji.  In 1994, there was no TV there.  In 1995, TV was introduced into the culture and within that year there was a 3% rise of girls who were vomiting to lose weight.  By 1998, 15% of girls reported vomiting.  Those who watched TV 3 nights per week were 50% more likely to see themselves as too fat and 30% more likely to diet even though they were not overweight.  So eye opening and sad!  The media sexualizes the female body.  It dwells on what the female body looks like as opposed to it's capabilities.  It wants us to believe that we are objects to look at as opposed to human beings to love and cherish.  So as parents what can we do?  We can make our children aware of this.  Share this slideshow with your girls and your boys too.  Our boys need to understand what they can do to not encourage these beliefs and standards among the young women they are around.  Help your girls especially understand that its not just in their heads.  It is Satan and the world.  Satan absolutely knows that if we can get focused on how our body is not perfect enough, we will be led down into misery and despair.  We can also create a safe haven and a place of refuge in our homes from the bombardment of the media and its lies.  How much TV are we watching?  What messages are we sending our children by allowing certain songs and shows to be listened to and watched in our home?  Let's be brave enough to turn off the TV or not listen to certain songs.  The media keeps doing what its doing and saying what its saying because we buy the products and we watch the shows and we listen to the music.  Let's make a stand against the media!  It all starts in our own homes!

The most important thing we can do for our children, particularly our daughters, is to believe that we ourselves are beautiful and special.  We are not beautiful because the world says so.  We are beautiful because God, our maker, says so.  I love the book You Are Special by Max Lucado.  Eli, the Wemmicks' maker, symbolically represents God in this book.  He says:

Favorite Quote #26:

Remember, you are special because I made you.  And I don't make mistakes.

The world and Satan want us to think that we are a big mistake and that we need to be fixed.  This and that part of our body is messed up so we need to change it.  The way we do this or that is wrong so we need to fix it.  We are not mistakes because God doesn't make mistakes.  We are the way we are for a grand and glorious purpose.  Its easy to believe this about our sons and daughters, but if we can believe this about ourselves, it will go a lot farther with our children.  If we believe we are special and beautiful then our children are more likely to believe they are special and beautiful.  As much as we try to hide our negative beliefs and thoughts about ourselves, they can still be seen in our countenance and in our behaviors.  So let's be real with ourselves.  Our daughters just want to be like us.  When they are young, they idolize us and think, "My mommy is the best!  I want to be just like Mommy when I grow up."  When they are teenagers they tend to say differently, but whether we like it or not, they adopt a lot of our beliefs and behaviors.  If our daughters see us doing things to our bodies to change them or believing certain negative things about who we are, then they internalize it as "Oh if my Mommy does that or thinks that then I must too.  My mommy is beautiful so if she changes that about her body then I need to too.  If my mommy is going on a diet even though she's beautiful then I need to too."  I really don't mean to say these things to make us feel guilty.  I know a lot of us are overridden with guilt already.  I truly mean to just help us be more aware about the reality of our influence on our children because knowledge is POWER!  As we become more aware, we gain more power to change.  I am not pleased with how my eating behaviors and negative beliefs about myself have impacted my oldest daughter.  I see her thinking some of the same things I did and going to food for an escape.  All I can do now is be an example of how to deal with my issues in a healthier way that allows me to be happier and only talk to her about this stuff in those moments where her heart is open and she wants to listen.  So I speak here from experience.  Let's do our own emotional work and let go of the negative thoughts and beliefs in our heads so that they are not perpetuated in our children.

Another one of my favorite songs is by India Arie entitled Video.  I love this song too because it is exactly what we need to embrace and believe about ourselves as women.  Once again, if you can find this song and listen to it while you read the lyrics that would be ideal.  So sorry!  I will figure out how to play music on here.  When you get to the points in the lyrics where I have written (Your name!), I want you to say your name.  India Arie says her name in those spots but I want you to read this song as if it was written about you.  Because it is!

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
(Your name!)

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know my Creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet my thighs my lips my eyes I'm loving what I see

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen 
I'm not the average girl from your video 
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes 
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
(Your name!)

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but what she knows
But I've drawn the conclusion
It's all an illusion
Confusion's the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception, 
Something's got to change

Don't be offended this is all my opinion
Ain't nothing that I'm saying law
This is a true confession
Of a life-learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in where you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind
Now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself 
'Cause everything's gonna be alright 

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen 
I'm not the average girl from your video 
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes 
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
(Your name!)

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car
And your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your cristal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don't need your silicone
I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen 
I'm not the average girl from your video 
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes 
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
(Your name!)

We are queens!  We are goddesses in the making!  When we believe this about ourselves, when we love ourselves unconditionally, then we give our children the greatest gift we could give them.  We give them the ability to love and accept themselves as they truly are - as kings and queens, gods and goddesses in the making!

I've got to leave with you with one last song because it is just so powerful and moving!  Its another India Arie song.  I honestly love this woman!  She dealt with breast cancer and all these songs are about lessons she learned through her trial.  This song is called Beautiful Flower.  You can see why I love this song already.  The title is awesome!  Try again to find it then listen and read with an open heart because this song is written about you and me and all of us beautiful women!

This is a song for every girl who's
Ever been through something
She thought she couldn't make it through
I sing these words because
I was that girl too
Wanting something better than this
But who do I turn to?

Now we're moving from the darkness into the light
This is the defining moment of our lives

'Cause you're beautiful like a flower
More valuable than a diamond
You are powerful like a fire
You can heal the world with your mind

There is nothing in the world that you cannot do
When you believe in you, who are beautiful
Yeah you, who are brilliant
Yeah you, who are powerful
Yeah you, who are resilient

This is a song for every girl who
Feels that she is not special
'Cause she don't look like a supermodel Coke bottle
The next time the radio tells you to shake your moneymaker
Shake your head and tell them, tell them you're a leader

Now we're moving from the darkness into the light
This is the defining moment of our lives

'Cause you're beautiful like a flower
More valuable than a diamond
You are powerful like a fire
You can heal the world with your mind

There is nothing in the world that you cannot do
When you believe in you, who are beautiful
Yeah you, who are brilliant
Yeah you, who are powerful
Yeah you, who are resilient

Yeah you, who are beautiful
Yeah you, who are brilliant
Yeah you, who are powerful
Yeah you, who are resilient

Yeah you, this song is for you
Yeah you, this song is for you
Yeah you, this song is for you
Yeah you, yeah you
You are brilliant

That is who you are!  Believe it!  Let go of the negative feelings about yourself.  Trap your negative thoughts.  Listen to music that uplifts and inspires you to be the REAL you!  Let's stop the infiltration of Satan and the world into our homes and into our minds.  And if you learn to believe these truths about yourself, your kids will then most likely believe it about themselves!

Favorite Quote #27:

If you stand up to the gates of hell, all heaven will break loose.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell

You ARE beautiful so . . .

be.YOU.tiful!!