Monday, June 3, 2013
Facing Our Demons
So I just have to begin by giving a shout out to all of my international friends. Hello to all of you in the United Kingdom, Russia, Germany, France, South Korea, Brazil, Pakistan, Australia, India, Indonesia, and Jamaica! I have had the incredible experience and opportunity in my life of traveling to several countries in the world. This has created in me a love for all the different people and cultures of the world. We are all so beautiful in our own uniquely different and special way! When I was in college, I traveled with my father to Russia. I became fascinated by the country and gained a love for the Russian people. Because of this, I came back to BYU and studied the Russian culture and history. I also studied the Russian language for 3 years. Unfortunately, I am not able to speak or understand much Russian anymore, but I do remember a little. So to my Russian friends, "Привет! Как дела?"
Thank you all for reading my blog! I truly hope the information I have shared is of help to you. And I really hope that the translation from this blog into your language does a good enough job that you can understand what I am saying! ;)
In this post, I wanted to continue talking about what I talked about in my last post. I discussed why our emotions continue to resurface by comparing them to a library index drawer and to a tree. Until we rip out all the cards from the index drawer or yank the tree out by the root, those emotions will continue to resurface. Sometimes we refer to these negative emotions and painful past experiences as demons. They come back to haunt us time and time again and because they are so scary, painful and difficult to face, we push them away, shoving them down out of our awareness. As I talked to a friend about these demons, she commented that sometimes they like to surface at really inconvenient times. Isn't that the truth?!!! She said she may be at work or dealing with kids when her demons come haunting. And in that moment, she can't stop to go do a write and burn or do more digging in order to let it go. Sometimes we just can't deal with that emotion or experience in the moment it comes up. So what can we do?
I want to help you be able to see and deal with these demons in a different way. I actually like to think of them as little children instead of demons. What does a little child do in order to get our attention when we are busy talking with someone else? They will usually pull on our pant leg or arm while constantly saying, "Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!" We love it when they do that right? Now I have definitely had times where I reacted to my children in anger and frustration, unkindly telling them to not bug me in that moment because I was busy and, in a sense, pushing them away. This type of reaction only resulted in an angrier child. They may go away for a time, but come back even angrier, demanding my attention. Or they don't go away at all, but keep nagging and pulling at my arm in order for me to acknowledge they are there and that they need me. But hopefully more often than not, I have had the patience to say to that child, "I can't talk right now sweetie. Can you please wait until I am done talking with my friend and then I will listen to you?" This seems to satiate their need better. They are able to wait because I acknowledged that they needed me even though I couldn't deal with them right then.
Do you see how we can liken that to our demons? Our demons are just little children trying to get our attention. They want to be acknowledged. They want to be heard. They need our acceptance and love. Yes, there are many times where we will be busy and we can't deal with those demons in that moment. However, when we try to push them away or shove them down by telling them that we are busy and don't want to deal with them, they usually come back with more power and force demanding once again to be acknowledged. So instead of pushing them away, talk to them as you would talk to a little child pulling at your skirt. "I know you are there. I acknowledge that you need me to listen to you and hear you out. I'm sorry but now is not a good time. Can you please wait until later when I can give you my undivided time and attention?" By giving our demons this moment of our time to acknowledge their presence satiates their need enough that they will back off. Our job then is to do as we say. Make a note to yourself of the feeling or experience that came to mind, then take the time later to deal with it. If we don't take the time to deal with it later, then guaranteed that feeling or experience will come haunting us again at another time.
It may sound hokey to treat our demons like they are a person, but doing this is advantageous for us in two ways. First, it enables us to recognize that these demons have needs and if we can give them what they really need, they will stop haunting us. What they really need is our time, attention, acceptance, and love.
Repeat of Favorite Quote #6:
You'll never get enough of what you don't need because what you don't need won't satisfy.
And that is absolutely true for our demons. If we are not giving them what they really need, they will never be satisfied and will come back needing more.
I have to make another plug here for one of my all-time favorite books called Eating in the Light of the Moon. Please read this book! The author, Anita Johnston, uses metaphors to expound on all of the things I have shared in this blog. It is incredibly enlightening and you will have many "A-ha!" moments as you read it!
Anita so eloquently describes these demons and their need to be fed. She tells a story about a woman who chased her hunger only to be led to some very hungry demons. She says:
The old woman, like many of us, chased her food because she was driven by her hunger. What is the food that you chase? What might it symbolize? And what is the hunger you are trying to satisfy?
Remember, our problem is not with food. It is with the reasons for which we go to food. What are we really hungry for?
Anita continues:
For this woman, chasing her food led her to an encounter with hungry demons that lived hidden underground and had voracious appetites. You may recognize these demons as the ones you wrestle with within your own psyche, the ones that don't show their faces in the light of day but become ever present when the sun sets. What is it they are hungry for? What do they want you to feed them? . . . What would you call your demons that hide deep in the dark crevices of your unconsciousness? Addiction to Eating? Loneliness? Fear of Rejection? Financial Insecurity? Self-Loathing? Not-Good-Enough? Never-Thin-Enough? What is it that haunts you, nags at you, holds you captive, wants you to feed it?
Imagine you have a magic paddle that can create a limitless supply of food to feed your demon. What would that food be? What does your demon want to eat? What does it want you to feed it? Attention? Love? Money? Self-Acceptance? Your Rage?
As long as we interpret our nonphysical hunger literally, we will attempt to use food to satisfy it, and we will remain hungry forever. But when we can define our hungers and develop a deeper awareness of what we are hungry for, we can begin to seek the appropriate nourishment.
I love how she states that! So when you do get the time to face your demons, ask them what they are really hungry for. Why do they keep haunting you? If you can give them what they really need, they will no longer have a need to haunt you.
Secondly, treating our demons like little children enables us to disassociate ourselves from them. We are treating them as separate entities instead of as part of who we are. Remember, thoughts, feelings, and even past painful experiences do not define who we are. We are so much more!! However, by not facing them and dealing with them, we give them power and control over us. Treating them as another human being gives us the emotional distance to then face them, deal with them, and let them go. It allows us to have compassion and love towards that feeling or experience instead of judgement, anger or fear. If we allow ourselves to treat our demons with honor and respect by giving them our time and attention, what they can give back to us may be a pearl of great price. What they can tell us may be the very thing that will free us.
So become aware of your demons. If you can't take the time in the moment they come haunting to deal with them, at least acknowledge their presence and make note to deal with them later. Then MAKE the time later to address them and allow them to speak. Use the write and burn to get out on paper all that they tell you. Keep asking questions so you can get to the root of the emotion or experience, so you can find out the real reason of why your demon is still haunting you. What is that demon really hungry for? Then burn that paper. Let go of your attachment to that feeling or experience. Set your demon free. When we free our demons, we free ourselves.
I know you can do this because I did it! Don't be afraid of those demons, but rather see them as a little child just trying to get your attention because they so desperately want to share something with you. Recognize that by giving your demons what they really need, they can actually become your greatest friends, giving back to you what you really need.
Please email me or make a comment at the end of this post if you have any questions or need help with anything. I would love to know what you are wondering about or if you are not quite grasping a concept. Let me know how I can help because my passion, purpose and greatest desire is to assist you in creating your own joy and peace. Again my email is rachellerchase@yahoo.com.
You are awesome, amazing, wonderful, and brilliant, so set your demons free and go . . .
be.YOU.tiful!!!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Asking Why
I had an incredible chat last week with a beautiful, wonderful lady. I have been mentoring her for awhile and last week she had a huge "A-ha!" moment. She mentioned that she couldn't stop the obsession she had to be skinny. It was in her every thought whether it was about how much she weighed or what to eat or what not to eat or berating herself for what she did eat because all those things equated to whether or not she was skinny enough. So I asked her the question, "Why do you need to be skinny?" She responded that if she wasn't, then she wasn't good enough. I then asked her "What happens when you're not good enough?" She said, "Then there's no point of existing." So basically, her belief was that if she wasn't skinny, then there was no point in living. Can you see how that core belief would govern her whole existence? No wonder that was all she thought about! No wonder she was obsessed with being skinny! Because if she wasn't skinny, then she would feel like an absolute failure not just at being skinny, but at living.
Favorite Quote #59:
We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are.
Our beliefs determine our reality. Our perception of ourselves determines our perception of the world. Recognizing this core belief was a huge awakening for my friend. She had no idea that her desire to be skinny ran that deep. But now because she knows, she has gained the power to do something about it. She was also able to see how her negative belief about herself only brought her negative results. This belief had only caused her misery and pain. Why? Because it was not based in truth! By asking why, she was able to identify this core belief. Because she identified it as untrue, she now has the power to replace it with truth.
So do you see what we discovered by asking the question why? Do you see how we figured out a core untruth that she had been believing for so long when we dug a little deeper? I think there are many of you out there who have used the write and burn or the little black book, but those negative feelings and thoughts you write about keep resurfacing which then makes you frustrated and makes you think they aren't working, so you stop using the tools. Let me explain why this happens with another analogy. Picture one of the old-fashioned index drawers that we used to access at the library to find a book. Yes these are antiques now. Here's a picture of one.
Each drawer represents an emotion we have experienced. Then each one of those cards in the drawer represents an experience that we have had with that emotion. Obviously we want our drawer labeled "Happiness" to have lots of cards in it. When we feel happiness, don't we have a rush of good feelings and memories come to our heart and mind? That's because when we feel an emotion, we are opening that drawer and allowing all of those other experiences to resurface as well. The more cards that are in that drawer, the more powerful the emotion feels. Unfortunately, the same thing happens with negative emotion which is why we want to shove down and bury those negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs because sometimes it is just too hard to be reminded of the painful, negative experiences of the past. But like I have said before, we will never be rid of the effects of a painful past experience until we face it and let it go. When we do the write and burn or use the little black book, we are pulling out a card from that file drawer. However, there are still several cards left in that drawer. And that is why that emotion continues to resurface. We haven't completely cleaned out the file drawer yet. Clearing out all the cards in that drawer requires that we face and deal with each experience with that emotion. This can be a very daunting task if you have a deeply filled file drawer. But there is another way. It is by asking the question "Why?" when the emotion is up or when you are ready to just deal with it and let it go. When you feel anger, do your write and burn, but don't just write about why you're feeling anger in that moment. Ask the questions "Why?", "How come?", "What for?", or "What happens if?". Dig deeper. Write whatever comes to your mind from experiences in the past. Your goal is to find that very first card that was ever put in that file drawer. If you can identify that very first card, then you find where that emotion originated. You find the core belief. By ripping out that first card, you wipe out all the rest.
I also like to compare this concept to a forest of trees.
Each tree represents an emotion. Depending on how much time has gone by and how many experiences you have had with that emotion determines how tall, thick and deeply rooted that tree has become. Now we can spend lots of time and energy chopping down that tree from the top to the bottom making it shorter and shorter, or we can rip that tree out by the root and take the whole tree down in one shot. It is not easy to go right to the root of the emotion. It requires us to dig deep and work hard through sweat and tears in order to yank it out. But we can do it if we choose to! Isn't a moment of pain and hard work worth dealing with instead of a lifetime of self-sabotage and heartache because we have let that emotion gain power over us? If you want to free yourself from the bondage you are in to an emotion or a negative belief about yourself, dig deeper and yank it out at the root.
I just got off of another phone call with my sweet friend that I am mentoring. Its been a week since our last visit when she had her huge aha moment. Wow! In tears, her first comment to me was, "Rachelle, I've turned a corner." She had an amazing, life-changing week! She noticed things were different when she looked in the mirror at herself. She would say to herself that she was a beautiful daughter of God instead of telling herself that she was ugly and fat. She noticed things had shifted when she had no desire to binge eat but rather just ate till she was satisfied. Another time when she did eat something that she didn't necessarily think she should have eaten, she didn't beat herself up about it but just accepted it and moved on. I could go on with other experiences she had this week that signified her shift. And the shift didn't just happen in her thoughts. It was also clearly evident in her physical behaviors. Remember the thought cycle? Without any force or conscious effort, her actions and behaviors were changing because she had changed the way she thought about herself. She had ripped out a core negative, untrue belief about herself therefore she made room for the positive - the truth of who she really was - and her whole life is changing because of it. How exciting!! How happy she was and excited she was for this next week! She was so fired up to yank out the roots of the other negative emotions and beliefs that she has, even if its hard, because she has felt and seen the incredible positive results that come from doing it!
Repeat of Favorite Quote #2:
Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
It's the truth my friends and it works! You can choose to let go experience by experience, but you may not see the life changing results that you would like to see right away. It will take time. You're still doing a good thing, but it will take awhile. If you're willing to do some digging and wipe out that emotion or belief at its root, then the positive results you will get will be instantaneous, huge and powerful! Just like my friend experienced this week. If you are ready and willing to do the hard work and push through the sweat and tears, then this will work for you too. Why let anymore time go by where that emotion or negative belief has power to affect your actions and results in life? Choose your own happiness! Wipe out that file drawer! Dig out the root! Create the peace and joy for yourself that you so desperately want! Its there waiting for you to reach out and grab it!!
You can do this! You're amazing, powerful, brilliant, and beautiful! So go . . .
be.YOU.tiful!!
Favorite Quote #59:
We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are.
Our beliefs determine our reality. Our perception of ourselves determines our perception of the world. Recognizing this core belief was a huge awakening for my friend. She had no idea that her desire to be skinny ran that deep. But now because she knows, she has gained the power to do something about it. She was also able to see how her negative belief about herself only brought her negative results. This belief had only caused her misery and pain. Why? Because it was not based in truth! By asking why, she was able to identify this core belief. Because she identified it as untrue, she now has the power to replace it with truth.
So do you see what we discovered by asking the question why? Do you see how we figured out a core untruth that she had been believing for so long when we dug a little deeper? I think there are many of you out there who have used the write and burn or the little black book, but those negative feelings and thoughts you write about keep resurfacing which then makes you frustrated and makes you think they aren't working, so you stop using the tools. Let me explain why this happens with another analogy. Picture one of the old-fashioned index drawers that we used to access at the library to find a book. Yes these are antiques now. Here's a picture of one.
Each drawer represents an emotion we have experienced. Then each one of those cards in the drawer represents an experience that we have had with that emotion. Obviously we want our drawer labeled "Happiness" to have lots of cards in it. When we feel happiness, don't we have a rush of good feelings and memories come to our heart and mind? That's because when we feel an emotion, we are opening that drawer and allowing all of those other experiences to resurface as well. The more cards that are in that drawer, the more powerful the emotion feels. Unfortunately, the same thing happens with negative emotion which is why we want to shove down and bury those negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs because sometimes it is just too hard to be reminded of the painful, negative experiences of the past. But like I have said before, we will never be rid of the effects of a painful past experience until we face it and let it go. When we do the write and burn or use the little black book, we are pulling out a card from that file drawer. However, there are still several cards left in that drawer. And that is why that emotion continues to resurface. We haven't completely cleaned out the file drawer yet. Clearing out all the cards in that drawer requires that we face and deal with each experience with that emotion. This can be a very daunting task if you have a deeply filled file drawer. But there is another way. It is by asking the question "Why?" when the emotion is up or when you are ready to just deal with it and let it go. When you feel anger, do your write and burn, but don't just write about why you're feeling anger in that moment. Ask the questions "Why?", "How come?", "What for?", or "What happens if?". Dig deeper. Write whatever comes to your mind from experiences in the past. Your goal is to find that very first card that was ever put in that file drawer. If you can identify that very first card, then you find where that emotion originated. You find the core belief. By ripping out that first card, you wipe out all the rest.
I also like to compare this concept to a forest of trees.
Each tree represents an emotion. Depending on how much time has gone by and how many experiences you have had with that emotion determines how tall, thick and deeply rooted that tree has become. Now we can spend lots of time and energy chopping down that tree from the top to the bottom making it shorter and shorter, or we can rip that tree out by the root and take the whole tree down in one shot. It is not easy to go right to the root of the emotion. It requires us to dig deep and work hard through sweat and tears in order to yank it out. But we can do it if we choose to! Isn't a moment of pain and hard work worth dealing with instead of a lifetime of self-sabotage and heartache because we have let that emotion gain power over us? If you want to free yourself from the bondage you are in to an emotion or a negative belief about yourself, dig deeper and yank it out at the root.
I just got off of another phone call with my sweet friend that I am mentoring. Its been a week since our last visit when she had her huge aha moment. Wow! In tears, her first comment to me was, "Rachelle, I've turned a corner." She had an amazing, life-changing week! She noticed things were different when she looked in the mirror at herself. She would say to herself that she was a beautiful daughter of God instead of telling herself that she was ugly and fat. She noticed things had shifted when she had no desire to binge eat but rather just ate till she was satisfied. Another time when she did eat something that she didn't necessarily think she should have eaten, she didn't beat herself up about it but just accepted it and moved on. I could go on with other experiences she had this week that signified her shift. And the shift didn't just happen in her thoughts. It was also clearly evident in her physical behaviors. Remember the thought cycle? Without any force or conscious effort, her actions and behaviors were changing because she had changed the way she thought about herself. She had ripped out a core negative, untrue belief about herself therefore she made room for the positive - the truth of who she really was - and her whole life is changing because of it. How exciting!! How happy she was and excited she was for this next week! She was so fired up to yank out the roots of the other negative emotions and beliefs that she has, even if its hard, because she has felt and seen the incredible positive results that come from doing it!
Repeat of Favorite Quote #2:
Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.
It's the truth my friends and it works! You can choose to let go experience by experience, but you may not see the life changing results that you would like to see right away. It will take time. You're still doing a good thing, but it will take awhile. If you're willing to do some digging and wipe out that emotion or belief at its root, then the positive results you will get will be instantaneous, huge and powerful! Just like my friend experienced this week. If you are ready and willing to do the hard work and push through the sweat and tears, then this will work for you too. Why let anymore time go by where that emotion or negative belief has power to affect your actions and results in life? Choose your own happiness! Wipe out that file drawer! Dig out the root! Create the peace and joy for yourself that you so desperately want! Its there waiting for you to reach out and grab it!!
You can do this! You're amazing, powerful, brilliant, and beautiful! So go . . .
be.YOU.tiful!!
Friday, May 10, 2013
The 6 Truths of Healing
So I realize that because I have given you so much information on this blog that there are many of you out there that find the information helpful and insightful, but don't quite know how to use it. I felt that I was trying to give you information in a step-by-step approach, but I now see that when you are reading it, it may not seem that way. From my experience, I was practicing the things I learned as I learned them through my mentor, so it was a step-by-step process for me. I realize that when you are getting information from a blog, you don't have that weekly guidance and direction. If you need that guidance and accountability and are having a hard time incorporating this information into your life, please email me (rachellerchase@yahoo.com). We can chat over the phone or I can provide some mentoring help. My greatest desire is to help you in anyway you need it and in anyway I can! But I also want to try and sum up all the information I have given you into a workable plan. So here we go.
The 6 Truths of Healing
1) Be aware
I have talked about this concept many times and devoted a whole post to it. This is essential to the healing process. If you want a refresher on what it means to be aware, please go check out my post Becoming Aware. The gist of it is that we need to be thinking about what we are thinking about. We need to be aware of what is going on in our mind and not just accept our thoughts without first analyzing them to see if they're true or not. Our thoughts do not define us, but if we believe them and attach ourselves to them, then they become us. Remember the thought cycle? If we are not aware of our thoughts, then we will have no power to change our actions or the results that come from our actions. Learning to do this all the time takes time. But the more you practice being aware, the sooner it will become what you do the majority of your life.
2) Identify the negative and let it go
This concept I talked about in my Letting Go post. If we are not identifying the negative and then letting it go, it will constantly build and build within us until we burst or become dead inside. Remember my dam analogy and the analogy of the Dead Sea? We have to let go of the negative if we want more room for the positive. I also wrote about two tools that I use to let go in my post Tool One and Tool Two. These tools are so easy to use, but they do require your time and awareness. Investing your personal time and energy into your healing is the only way to heal. Only you can fix you. Only you can create your own happiness.
Repeat of Favorite Quote #1:
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours. It is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.
Favorite Quote #50:
Enjoy your life. Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
3) Recognize and believe the positive - the truth of who you really are
I have mentioned many times the need for recognizing and believing the truth of who we really are. From my post Our Relationships up until my last one, I have continuously talked about how crucial it is to discover who we truly are if we want to be happy. We are our spirit and when we unite ourselves more closely with our spirit instead of being at odds with it, then we find joy. Its when we divide ourselves from our spirit that we are unhappy. I have discussed how Satan deceives us into believing that who we are is defined by how we match up to the world's standards. His definition of who we need to be is made by comparison. Its a lie my friends! I can't say that enough times and I can't shout it loud enough! We are each beautiful and special in our own different and unique way! We go against the very nature of our creation when we try to be just like everyone else and that is why we are unhappy. I just saw the front of a magazine the other day that said Gwyneth Paltrow was named the most beautiful woman in the world. I cringed because of the message that is sending out to all the women and young women in America and throughout the world. The world has just quantified beauty by saying that if you want to be beautiful you have to look like Gwyneth Paltrow. Last year it was Jennifer Lopez. Like I have mentioned before, do you see how the world's standards are constantly changing? Satan wants us to believe there is only one kind of beauty and if you don't fit that mold, you're not beautiful. And yet he keeps changing those standards in order to keep us confused and frustrated. Please don't believe these lies!
Favorite Quote #51:
Real Eyes
Realize
Real Lies
BE REAL! Please look with your real eyes and realize the real lies that Satan is deceiving you into believing! Find out who you are based on the reasons for which God made you. God never changes. He is constant and the truth of who you are has remained the same since the day your spirit was created. He is your Creator! He loves you more than you will ever know! His greatest desire is for you to be truly happy now and eternally! He is the source of all truth, peace and joy! When you define yourself according to how God sees you, you define yourself according to truth and that will bring you greater peace and joy than any temporary pleasure the world could offer!
Favorite Quote #52:
Don't waste a lifetime of happiness for a few moments of pleasure!
4) Act on the truth
As we identify the truth of who we are, we then need to act on it. Go do what you love! Go be what you have always wanted to be! Develop your talents and share them! Follow your bliss! Do the things that bring you unspeakable joy! And when you do that, you will not only be making yourself happy, but you will most likely be helping others to find happiness too. True happiness comes when we share with others our real, authentic selves. Sometimes we go through hard things, but those hard things are also meant to help us become all that we were created to be. Because of what I went through during my 22 years of having an eating disorder, I am now extremely passionate about sharing truth and helping others understand who they really are. That has become my purpose in life and it brings me so much joy to live true to my purpose! Each of us have strengths and talents, flaws and weaknesses, trials and experiences. All of these things together continue to refine us and make us into who we were created to be. Pray. Meditate. Ask God to help you identify and act on the truths of who you really are. Seek His help and He will give you the strength and power to be and do all that He sent you here to be and do. Remember, with God all things are possible!
Favorite Quote #53:
Do the thing you love more than anything in life! You might become a bit unpredictable, sometimes cranky, but you will be happier than you ever imagined possible.
And that is exactly what happens when you act on the truth of who you really are! You will be happier than you ever imagined possible! I know that is true because I am living it!
5) List it to live it
I am a writer. Throughout my eating disorder, writing and journaling became a huge outlet for me. Along with food, it was one of the ways I coped. However, I would mostly write about all the negative and unhappy things that were happening to me. I dwelt on the negative and because I did that, negative is what I got back.
Favorite Quote #54:
The only reason its a part of your life is because you keep thinking about it.
Its the truth! Now I am writing this blog. My goal is to write a book or books. I love to write! But instead of writing the negative, I am writing the positive. I am writing about truth and because I am doing that, it is becoming more a part of who I am. Writing is a huge part of healing. You don't have to be an eloquent or talented writer to write. We need to write because there is something that happens to us when we do. It is a means to make whatever you are writing about more a part of your life. Why do you think the Bible or the Book of Mormon were written? Yes of course they were written for us and our day, but I can guarantee you that the prophets and authors of those great books benefited as well as they wrote down the truth of who they were and what they were learning. Why do you think we have been asked to keep a journal? Yes for our posterity, but I also believe it is for our own growth and progression. As we write down truth and focus on the positive, truth and positivity become more ingrained in our heart and soul. So next to your little black book and your stack of loose leaf paper, have a colorful notebook (I prefer yellow which represents light and knowledge) in which you can write the positive. Write down and record the inspiration you receive from God. Write down the blessings and tender mercies you receive. Record the things you are grateful for each day. Write down the positives about yourself-your talents and gifts. As you write down the positive, you will get more positive back.
6) Live in the moment
In order to successfully incorporate any of these truths into our lives, we need to live in the moment. I just made a big post about this. This truth is the key to making all the rest of the truths work for your benefit and healing. By living in the moment, we will know what we need to do in that moment in order to be peaceful and happy. In the moment, you may need to take a timeout and go do a write and burn. Or you may need to work on something that is happening in the near future. Or you may need to write down a bit of inspiration you just received. Living in the moment doesn't mean we don't take care of things from the past or for the future. It means that we take that moment to do something about it and not dwell in it. Emotionally dwelling in the past or future keeps us from progressing. We are literally in bondage when we allow ourselves to sit in the past or future. The only way to progress is to use our present moment to act. In the present is the only place we have agency and choice. Satan absolutely wants to shut down our agency so he loves getting us to be sad or angry about our past or to worry about and fear our future. So be fully invested where you are. Enjoy the moment you have to progress and act on whatever it may be that is in your present consciousness. Do your children need you? Then be there fully with them and for them in that moment. Are you on a date with your husband? Then be there fully with him. Are you feeling anger or discouragement? Then do a write and burn and deal with it in the moment while it is up. Are you feeling peace and joy? Then thank your Heavenly Father for allowing you to feel that in that moment and then share it with those around you. We can waste our time living in the past or the future, or we can use the moment we have to act and create our own happiness. Because really all we have is this moment. In the very next moment, our life could be taken from us. So be grateful for every moment you have. Embrace this moment and live in it fully. By doing that, you will live happily and with no regrets.
So there it is my friends. I hope that helps you in some way to know what you need to do in order to heal and create peace and joy in your life. I have talked about each one of these truths in previous posts so go back and read those if you need a refresher on what they entail. Now even though I've listed these truths as 1-6, there is no chronological order in which to work them. I don't want you to think that one truth comes before or after another. As I said, when you live in the moment, you will know what you need to do in that moment whether it is to focus on truth 2 or truth 5 or any of the other truths. Listen to your heart. You will know.
Most importantly, please understand that this process does take time. You may think at first that you are making no progress at all. But I promise you, you are! If we didn't take baby steps at first, we wouldn't eventually learn how to run. "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass." Practice makes permanent so as you continue to practice approaching life in this new way, it will become more and more the majority of your life. I still have moments when I go unconscious and resort to my distraction behaviors to escape. But the majority of my life is this new way of life and I continue to work on making it even more so. It's an amazing way of life and so fulfilling and rewarding!
Also please know that since you are learning truth and hopefully acting on that truth, Satan is going to work overtime to drag you down and make life hard for you. He doesn't want you to find freedom, peace and joy. He will always work on you to make you miserable like himself. Misery loves company. So please press on! Keep going! Keep working at it and trying every day because I promise you the peace and joy that comes as a result is so worth it!!!
Please feel free to give me feedback if you have any thoughts or feelings about this. My goal is to help you in any way I can so I would love to know what you think and if this helps you or not.
My heart, love and prayers go out to all of you who are reading this and suffer as I have suffered or are suffering in any way, shape or form. Life is just plain hard. And we all have our stuff. I have had my stuff. But I am now here and my life is full of brightness, joy, peace, power, passion and purpose. It doesn't mean that I won't have hard stuff in the future, but because of this new way that I am dealing with life, I believe I will be able to walk through that hard stuff with a smile on my face and peace in my heart.
Favorite Quote #55, #56, #57, and #58:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. Its about learning to dance in the rain.
Wherever you go, no matter the weather, always bring your own sunshine.
Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain. But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.
This is possible for anyone who is willing to do the work. So please do the work. Turn to God for the strength and the power to do this work for yourself. Hang in there! You can do this! You are amazing, powerful and brilliant! So go and . . .
be.YOU.tiful!!
The 6 Truths of Healing
1) Be aware
I have talked about this concept many times and devoted a whole post to it. This is essential to the healing process. If you want a refresher on what it means to be aware, please go check out my post Becoming Aware. The gist of it is that we need to be thinking about what we are thinking about. We need to be aware of what is going on in our mind and not just accept our thoughts without first analyzing them to see if they're true or not. Our thoughts do not define us, but if we believe them and attach ourselves to them, then they become us. Remember the thought cycle? If we are not aware of our thoughts, then we will have no power to change our actions or the results that come from our actions. Learning to do this all the time takes time. But the more you practice being aware, the sooner it will become what you do the majority of your life.
2) Identify the negative and let it go
This concept I talked about in my Letting Go post. If we are not identifying the negative and then letting it go, it will constantly build and build within us until we burst or become dead inside. Remember my dam analogy and the analogy of the Dead Sea? We have to let go of the negative if we want more room for the positive. I also wrote about two tools that I use to let go in my post Tool One and Tool Two. These tools are so easy to use, but they do require your time and awareness. Investing your personal time and energy into your healing is the only way to heal. Only you can fix you. Only you can create your own happiness.
Repeat of Favorite Quote #1:
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours. It is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.
Enjoy your life. Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
3) Recognize and believe the positive - the truth of who you really are
I have mentioned many times the need for recognizing and believing the truth of who we really are. From my post Our Relationships up until my last one, I have continuously talked about how crucial it is to discover who we truly are if we want to be happy. We are our spirit and when we unite ourselves more closely with our spirit instead of being at odds with it, then we find joy. Its when we divide ourselves from our spirit that we are unhappy. I have discussed how Satan deceives us into believing that who we are is defined by how we match up to the world's standards. His definition of who we need to be is made by comparison. Its a lie my friends! I can't say that enough times and I can't shout it loud enough! We are each beautiful and special in our own different and unique way! We go against the very nature of our creation when we try to be just like everyone else and that is why we are unhappy. I just saw the front of a magazine the other day that said Gwyneth Paltrow was named the most beautiful woman in the world. I cringed because of the message that is sending out to all the women and young women in America and throughout the world. The world has just quantified beauty by saying that if you want to be beautiful you have to look like Gwyneth Paltrow. Last year it was Jennifer Lopez. Like I have mentioned before, do you see how the world's standards are constantly changing? Satan wants us to believe there is only one kind of beauty and if you don't fit that mold, you're not beautiful. And yet he keeps changing those standards in order to keep us confused and frustrated. Please don't believe these lies!
Favorite Quote #51:
Real Eyes
Realize
Real Lies
BE REAL! Please look with your real eyes and realize the real lies that Satan is deceiving you into believing! Find out who you are based on the reasons for which God made you. God never changes. He is constant and the truth of who you are has remained the same since the day your spirit was created. He is your Creator! He loves you more than you will ever know! His greatest desire is for you to be truly happy now and eternally! He is the source of all truth, peace and joy! When you define yourself according to how God sees you, you define yourself according to truth and that will bring you greater peace and joy than any temporary pleasure the world could offer!
Favorite Quote #52:
Don't waste a lifetime of happiness for a few moments of pleasure!
4) Act on the truth
As we identify the truth of who we are, we then need to act on it. Go do what you love! Go be what you have always wanted to be! Develop your talents and share them! Follow your bliss! Do the things that bring you unspeakable joy! And when you do that, you will not only be making yourself happy, but you will most likely be helping others to find happiness too. True happiness comes when we share with others our real, authentic selves. Sometimes we go through hard things, but those hard things are also meant to help us become all that we were created to be. Because of what I went through during my 22 years of having an eating disorder, I am now extremely passionate about sharing truth and helping others understand who they really are. That has become my purpose in life and it brings me so much joy to live true to my purpose! Each of us have strengths and talents, flaws and weaknesses, trials and experiences. All of these things together continue to refine us and make us into who we were created to be. Pray. Meditate. Ask God to help you identify and act on the truths of who you really are. Seek His help and He will give you the strength and power to be and do all that He sent you here to be and do. Remember, with God all things are possible!
Favorite Quote #53:
Do the thing you love more than anything in life! You might become a bit unpredictable, sometimes cranky, but you will be happier than you ever imagined possible.
And that is exactly what happens when you act on the truth of who you really are! You will be happier than you ever imagined possible! I know that is true because I am living it!
5) List it to live it
I am a writer. Throughout my eating disorder, writing and journaling became a huge outlet for me. Along with food, it was one of the ways I coped. However, I would mostly write about all the negative and unhappy things that were happening to me. I dwelt on the negative and because I did that, negative is what I got back.
Favorite Quote #54:
The only reason its a part of your life is because you keep thinking about it.
Its the truth! Now I am writing this blog. My goal is to write a book or books. I love to write! But instead of writing the negative, I am writing the positive. I am writing about truth and because I am doing that, it is becoming more a part of who I am. Writing is a huge part of healing. You don't have to be an eloquent or talented writer to write. We need to write because there is something that happens to us when we do. It is a means to make whatever you are writing about more a part of your life. Why do you think the Bible or the Book of Mormon were written? Yes of course they were written for us and our day, but I can guarantee you that the prophets and authors of those great books benefited as well as they wrote down the truth of who they were and what they were learning. Why do you think we have been asked to keep a journal? Yes for our posterity, but I also believe it is for our own growth and progression. As we write down truth and focus on the positive, truth and positivity become more ingrained in our heart and soul. So next to your little black book and your stack of loose leaf paper, have a colorful notebook (I prefer yellow which represents light and knowledge) in which you can write the positive. Write down and record the inspiration you receive from God. Write down the blessings and tender mercies you receive. Record the things you are grateful for each day. Write down the positives about yourself-your talents and gifts. As you write down the positive, you will get more positive back.
6) Live in the moment
In order to successfully incorporate any of these truths into our lives, we need to live in the moment. I just made a big post about this. This truth is the key to making all the rest of the truths work for your benefit and healing. By living in the moment, we will know what we need to do in that moment in order to be peaceful and happy. In the moment, you may need to take a timeout and go do a write and burn. Or you may need to work on something that is happening in the near future. Or you may need to write down a bit of inspiration you just received. Living in the moment doesn't mean we don't take care of things from the past or for the future. It means that we take that moment to do something about it and not dwell in it. Emotionally dwelling in the past or future keeps us from progressing. We are literally in bondage when we allow ourselves to sit in the past or future. The only way to progress is to use our present moment to act. In the present is the only place we have agency and choice. Satan absolutely wants to shut down our agency so he loves getting us to be sad or angry about our past or to worry about and fear our future. So be fully invested where you are. Enjoy the moment you have to progress and act on whatever it may be that is in your present consciousness. Do your children need you? Then be there fully with them and for them in that moment. Are you on a date with your husband? Then be there fully with him. Are you feeling anger or discouragement? Then do a write and burn and deal with it in the moment while it is up. Are you feeling peace and joy? Then thank your Heavenly Father for allowing you to feel that in that moment and then share it with those around you. We can waste our time living in the past or the future, or we can use the moment we have to act and create our own happiness. Because really all we have is this moment. In the very next moment, our life could be taken from us. So be grateful for every moment you have. Embrace this moment and live in it fully. By doing that, you will live happily and with no regrets.
So there it is my friends. I hope that helps you in some way to know what you need to do in order to heal and create peace and joy in your life. I have talked about each one of these truths in previous posts so go back and read those if you need a refresher on what they entail. Now even though I've listed these truths as 1-6, there is no chronological order in which to work them. I don't want you to think that one truth comes before or after another. As I said, when you live in the moment, you will know what you need to do in that moment whether it is to focus on truth 2 or truth 5 or any of the other truths. Listen to your heart. You will know.
Most importantly, please understand that this process does take time. You may think at first that you are making no progress at all. But I promise you, you are! If we didn't take baby steps at first, we wouldn't eventually learn how to run. "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass." Practice makes permanent so as you continue to practice approaching life in this new way, it will become more and more the majority of your life. I still have moments when I go unconscious and resort to my distraction behaviors to escape. But the majority of my life is this new way of life and I continue to work on making it even more so. It's an amazing way of life and so fulfilling and rewarding!
Also please know that since you are learning truth and hopefully acting on that truth, Satan is going to work overtime to drag you down and make life hard for you. He doesn't want you to find freedom, peace and joy. He will always work on you to make you miserable like himself. Misery loves company. So please press on! Keep going! Keep working at it and trying every day because I promise you the peace and joy that comes as a result is so worth it!!!
Please feel free to give me feedback if you have any thoughts or feelings about this. My goal is to help you in any way I can so I would love to know what you think and if this helps you or not.
My heart, love and prayers go out to all of you who are reading this and suffer as I have suffered or are suffering in any way, shape or form. Life is just plain hard. And we all have our stuff. I have had my stuff. But I am now here and my life is full of brightness, joy, peace, power, passion and purpose. It doesn't mean that I won't have hard stuff in the future, but because of this new way that I am dealing with life, I believe I will be able to walk through that hard stuff with a smile on my face and peace in my heart.
Favorite Quote #55, #56, #57, and #58:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. Its about learning to dance in the rain.
Wherever you go, no matter the weather, always bring your own sunshine.
Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain. But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.
This is possible for anyone who is willing to do the work. So please do the work. Turn to God for the strength and the power to do this work for yourself. Hang in there! You can do this! You are amazing, powerful and brilliant! So go and . . .
be.YOU.tiful!!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
The Keys to Peace and Joy Part Two - Humility
I received an awesome comment from an anonymous friend after I made my last post. Her question to me was one I am sure a lot of you out there have too. She said she had read my blog, but was still not sure how to proceed especially when she continues to see her weight rise. Such a valid concern. Thank you for speaking up my friend!! You are helping us all! I am sure that there are some if not many of you who have read and understood what I have said in this blog, but still question where to start or you have gotten to a point and don't quite know how to proceed. I think the issue is that through this blog you are getting tons of information and even though that is good, it may lead you to feel overwhelmed. I really wish all of you had a mentor because that one on one, week by week opportunity to talk and be directed is so beneficial. Plus it keeps you accountable and continually progressing forward. I am not trying to make a plug here for you to call me to be your mentor, but it can be difficult to know how to do this all on your own. I replied to my sweet friend's comment with some ideas that hopefully are helping her so go read the two comments that are attached to my last post if you find yourself in this same predicament. I am going to address this issue more in depth in my next post and give you a step-by-step process that will take all this information I have given you and put it into a usable format. If you have any questions please make a comment or email me. I am glad to help in whatever way you need. If you would like some one on one mentoring help, please let me know. Again my email is rachellerchase@yahoo.com.
So God has a wonderful way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn. I had been a little discouraged and depressed earlier last week and to be honest I wasn't sure why. I had done some write and burns about what I thought I was feeling, but then the discouragement would pop back up again. I talked with my mentor Tuesday and told him about these downer feelings I had been having. I told him I had been doing the same things that I used to do when I was depressed-hiding out in my room, reading escape novels, playing games on my phone, getting irritated with my husband, and eating foods that taste good but don't make me feel good. I was obviously trying to escape my feelings instead of facing them by allowing myself to get absorbed in my "distraction" behaviors. What my mentor said to me was something I knew but hadn't applied. I wasn't living in the moment. I soon realized that my negative feelings were a combination of being worried about falling back into behaviors and patterns of the past while also fearing if I would be able to meet up to what's expected of me in my future. I was dwelling in both the past and the future and I was discouraged and depressed. I find it ironic that I just did a big post on living in the moment and yet I am still learning to do it in my own life. So yes I am not perfect and yes I am still learning. Even though I have overcome a lot of the negative behaviors that held me captive, Satan will continue to attack me in those areas because he knows that's where my weakness is and that's where he has gotten me before. I have to continually be aware of what is going on in my mind and have my tools ready to use so that Satan can't get me to stay down. But no matter how imperfect I am, what I am saying and teaching is truth. Truth is truth no matter how imperfect the deliverer of truth is. My last post about living in the moment is true! When we are in the moment and focusing on what we are doing now and who we are now then we find peace and joy. If we let ourselves get focused on the past or the future, that is when all those negative feelings start creeping in. So continue to be aware of where your thoughts are going and do all you can to live in the now! Be fully present where you are! It does take time as I so obviously prove. I am still learning how to make living in the moment the majority of my life, but I know it is possible. I already find myself letting go of thoughts that take me away from being in the moment simply because I became aware that I was living in my past and future.
Favorite Quote #49:
What time is it?
NOW!
Where are you?
HERE!
What are you?
THIS MOMENT!
This moment is all we have my friends. So let's use it to be all that we were created to be! By doing that, we will be happy!
Along these same lines of living in the moment is another key truth. It is also related to finding ourselves in the middle, centered, and balanced as opposed to living on the ends. I talked about the extreme beliefs of "I'm not good enough" or "I'm less than" and the opposite extreme of "I'm better than" in previous posts. Just as we want to be in the middle by being in the present and not in the past or future, we also want to be in the middle by being humble instead of prideful which happens when we believe either extreme of "I'm less than" or "I'm better than". We combat pride through humility, so humility is the other key to peace and joy that I want to talk about. I feel a lot of us may not necessarily understand what humility really is. We may think that thinking poorly of ourselves is being humble. That is not true. Remember my pride stick diagram? Well, here it is again but I have altered it a bit in order to show you what humility is.
Being humble means we are balanced, centered, and grounded. It means we understand the true nature of who we really are. When we are humble, we believe two things about ourselves, thus the balancing effect as shown in the diagram. The beliefs that keep us balanced are that of being nothing and everything at the same time. These beliefs are not meant to be separated. Do you see that when these beliefs are divided, they become "I'm less than" and "I'm better than"? Satan wants us to believe that we are one extreme or the other or he gets us to ping-pong back and forth between them trying to figure out which one we are. He does this to keep us from being in the middle because in the middle is where we will find peace, happiness, and confidence. I think a lot of us believe that self-confidence is pride. This is FALSE! Confidence in yourself means you know who you really are according to truth. Self-confidence is humility. These beliefs of "I am nothing" and "I am everything" are not meant to be separated because within them both is the truth of who we really are. Its when we divide these truths, when we separate them, do we become unhappy and miserable. Now I want you to try a little experiment. Grab a pencil. Lightly hold that pencil at one end between your thumb and your pointer finger. When you do this, what happens to the other end of the pencil? It should fall if you're doing it the way I'm trying to explain it. ;) If you hold the other end of the pencil in the same way, then the same thing should happen - the opposite side falls. But what happens when you hold that pencil in the middle? It stays strong, balanced, straight, stable and firm. The same thing happens with us. When we are at either end, we are prideful and we fall. When we are in the middle, we are humble, content, stable, strong and happy.
Now once again, I believe in God and I believe that all truth ultimately comes from God. I also believe that when we live our lives according to truth or in other words according to God's way, we will find peace and joy. We can know what is truth by the way it makes us feel and by the actions that come as a result of believing it. I know that everything I have said in my blog is truth because of the happiness I have felt as a result of believing it and for the good it has brought in my life and in the lives of others as I have acted on it. The lies that I believed for so long during my eating disorder only brought me sorrow and despair. I know now that what I was believing was untrue because of how it made me feel and what it caused me to do. So experiment on the words I am saying. Test them out and if what I am saying feels good and causes you to do good, then it is truth. As I quote more scripture, please read to find the truth that is in it. Even if you aren't members of the LDS faith, read to find the truth because the truth will set you free!!
I want to share with you the scriptural account that helped me come up with this pride/humility diagram. I want you to understand that what I just shared with you is not just my creation, but it comes from the word of God. And because it comes from God, it is truth. In Moses 1 in the Pearl of Great Price, we learn that Moses goes up into a high mountain where he talks face to face with God. God tells Moses this:
And I have a work for thee, Moses, my son; and thou art in the similitude of mine Only Begotten; and mine Only Begotten is and shall be the Savior, for he is full of grace and truth; but there is no God beside me, and all things are present with me, for I know them all.
I love this verse of scripture because it is full of amazing truths! The first truth we learn is that we each have a work to perform. If God said this to Moses, then He said it to each one of us. In fact, if you look up "work" in the scriptures, you will see several times where the Lord tells different people what their "work" is. The Lord also says several times in the D&C that "what I say unto one I say unto all". God is no respecter of persons. His truth applies to each one of us. We each have a plan, a work and a purpose. We are each so vital and important to God that He sent us all here to this earth for a specific reason. Doesn't that understanding and truth give meaning to our lives? Does it not help us realize that whatever happens to us, it is all meant to help us be and do all that He created us to be and do? I don't believe in coincidence, chance, or luck. I believe God is in the details of our lives. If we will BELIEVE this truth that we all have a work to do, then through the direction and guidance of God, we will be amazed at what God can help us do and become in this life and in the next! So what is your purpose? What is your work? Knowing your purpose doesn't mean you know exactly what is going to happen in your life. Knowing your purpose means you know to what end you are going to live your life. As Jesus Christ put it, "To this end was I born." We can come to know our purpose and our work as we read our patriarchal blessing, pray, meditate, attend the temple, attend church and read the scriptures. We can look at our life's experiences and trials and the things we have learned from them. We can recognize and develop our gifts and talents. Through these things and by opening our hearts and minds to God, we will receive personal revelation as to what we need to do in our lives. But of course, we have our agency and we can choose to follow Him or we can choose not to. It is ultimately our choice. But "wickedness never was happiness". God's way is the only way that will lead us to real and lasting peace and joy.
Next, God calls Moses by name and then calls him His son. What an incredible truth! God knows each one of us by name and we are all His sons and daughters. We are divine! Our spirits were created by Him, a divine being, and He loves us because we are His children. I know in the LDS faith we are taught this since we are little. But do we BELIEVE this truth that we are sons and daughters of God? When we believe something, whether its true or untrue, it becomes who we are. Whatever we believe is evidenced in the way we look and in the way we act. I will tell you that I thought I believed I was a daughter of God my whole life. I read my scriptures and said my prayers and went to church. So maybe in some way I did believe because I did those things. But I don't think I believed in what it meant to be a daughter of God. I was deceived and misled into believing that my worth depended on how I was seen by the world. Because we can never be good enough according to the world, I soon felt unlovable and unworthy. This led me to develop a negative, disabling, self-sabotaging eating disorder. This untrue belief affected my body and of course it affected me emotionally. I became extremely miserable and unhappy. All of these consequences came because of believing untruths about myself. I didn't believe in who I truly was until a year ago and that's when not only did I find real peace and joy, not only did my negative behavior become positive, but my outward appearance also changed. And I'm not talking about weight even though that changed too. I'm talking about my countenance. There is a light in my eyes that wasn't there before. The compliments I have received over this last year have been more about the fact that I am "glowing", "shining", "radiating", that I "look happy", and that I have "a light about me" as opposed to about the weight I have lost. And that has all come because I finally believe the truth about who I really am. God is the source of all truth and light. When we understand not only who we are but "whose we are" as Sister Dalton so beautifully put it, then God's truth and light shines through us. I am a daughter of God! We are all the sons and daughters of a divine, perfect, exalted being!!
Another truth we learn is that we were created in the image of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ was God's only perfect child. He was God's firstborn sent to earth to perform a sacred work that would impact all of us. Jesus Christ knew who He was from a very young age and because of that was able to perform the work that God asked Him to perform, even when it meant to endure the ultimate suffering and anguish of paying the price for all of our sins. He was able to do it because He knew who He was and He knew His purpose. He now sits with God in heaven as a perfect and exalted being. We were created in Christ's image therefore we have the ability and opportunity to become like He is which means we too can be perfect and exalted beings. Do we BELIEVE in our potential? That we can become gods and goddesses ourselves? This can be a hard concept to grasp because of our imperfect nature now, but its all part of the plan. How can a doctor become a doctor if he doesn't go through the necessary training or learning period? This earth life is our training, our learning period. We are not meant to be perfect now. We are meant to be students now and learn how to become as Christ is. Because that is our destiny! To become as Christ is - a perfect and exalted being!
Then we learn about Jesus Christ. God boldly declares that Jesus Christ is the Savior. God wants us to know and understand the role Christ would perform on this earth. But not only that Christ shall be the Savior, but that He IS NOW the Savior. Remember God is telling Moses this long before Christ comes to the earth. Christ took on the role of Savior in the Grand Council in heaven before any of us came to earth. We all loved and honored Him then knowing the sacrifice He would make on earth in our behalf. So shouldn't we have those same feelings for Him now? Shouldn't we be doing all we can to honor His sacrifice now by the way we live our lives? Don't we honor a person by doing what they would have us do? God is pointing us to Jesus Christ because He wants us to know who to follow and be like if we want to achieve and receive of our divine potential. Because of the Atonement Christ so willingly made for each one of us, we can look to Him as the source of all grace. Christ lived a perfect life and because of that, we can look to Him as the source of all truth. Do we BELIEVE that Jesus Christ is who God says He is? If we want to be happy, if we want to have true peace and joy, we need to look to and follow Christ because He is the source of all grace and truth.
The final truth we learn is about God Himself. We learn that He is the one and only God. There is no other God to worship but Him. We learn that He is all-knowing because everything is present before Him. Hmmm. That's a whole deeper level into the truth of living in the moment. No wonder God is so happy and peaceful! He lives in the present. All things are present before Him. I never thought of living in the moment in that way before but its truth. What a cool realization about God and one of the reasons for His peace and happiness! Through this truth we understand that we can have complete and total faith in God because He is the one and only God and because His great work and glory is "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man". We can trust that He loves us and all that is included in our individual plans and purposes is meant for our eventual exaltation. He doesn't determine our actions, we do. We still have our agency. But because everything is present before Him, He can see the end from the beginning. He knows the choices we are going to make and will always provide a way for us to do what He asks us to do. What peace and comfort that can give us when we are dealing with hard stuff. As tough as it is, if we will allow ourselves to learn from those hard times instead of becoming bitter by them, then those hard times will become stepping stones to our exaltation. I am in awe and reverence of how perfect God's plan is for each one of us. I know God is real and I know God loves us so much that He gives us the hard times so we can be all that we were created to be!
Incredible and powerful truths right? Well, let's move on in the story. Moses is then shown a vision of all God's children that have ever lived and that will ever live on this earth. Moses saw us and our day! As the vision ends, God leaves and Moses faints from complete and total physical, spiritual, emotional and mental exhaustion. As he awakes, he says this:
Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed.
He recognizes the truth that we are nothing. So that is where I got "I am nothing" from. Moses sees all of God's earthly creations and realizes his insignificance. He knows that he was created from the dust of the earth and that there are countless numbers of God's children like himself. But this truth in and of itself was insufficient. He didn't think that he was less than or better than God's other children. He realized he was equal to all of God's children because all of God's children had a purpose and a work to perform just like him. All of God's children would have trials and weaknesses and also gifts and strengths in order to accomplish their work and achieve their greatest potential. Moses also BELIEVED in what it meant to be a son of God. He realized that he meant everything to God because he was His son. He realized that even he, one man among many, must be important to God or God would not have spent that time with him showing him His creations and then giving Moses such an incredible work to do. And that's where I found the truth of "I am everything". Even though we may be nothing as we look at the grand picture, to God we are everything because every one of us are His children and He needs every one of us to fulfill our own plan in order for His grand plan to be accomplished. I love it when my kids ask me who my favorite child is. I immediately reply, "You are all my favorite children!" I know that is the way God feels about each one of us. I may not perfectly show it all the time, but God obviously does. Some of us earn certain blessings and privileges because of our actions while others don't (isn't that true about our own children?), but that doesn't mean God loves any of His children more or less. He loves all of us equally and wants to give all of us everything He has.
Well, right in the moment that Moses was thinking all of this, Satan comes tempting him. Why? Because Moses realized the truth of who he was and Satan was going to do all he could to distract him from that. Satan says to Moses, "Moses, son of Man, worship me." Whoa! God had just told Moses he was a son of God and look how Satan tries to get Moses to forget that truth by calling him a son of man. Moses stands strong and asks Satan where his glory is because Moses can look on him with his natural eyes whereas he just saw God and had to be transfigured in order to behold His glory. Then Moses makes this most powerful declaration:
Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not; for God said unto me: Thou art after the similitude of mine Only Begotten.
Moses knew who he was and because of that he was able to recognize Satan's deceptions. That is powerful!! When we know who we truly are, it is then that we have the ability to recognize the negative, deceiving lies that Satan is planting in our heads. But Moses wasn't completely successful at casting Satan out yet. Moses says a few more things which causes Satan to rant and rave and tempt Moses all the more to worship him. In fact, Satan even calls himself the "Only Begotten". Do you see how Satan twisted the truth in order to deceive Moses? Does Satan not still do that today? Let me assure you that he does! Well, at this point Moses starts to fear. Really interesting right? As Moses starts to fear, it says "he saw the bitterness of hell". Wow! When we fear, isn't that when we get down and discouraged and depressed to a point where we even see "the bitterness of hell"? So what is fear? I love this definition of fear based on an acronym of the word.
F=False
E=Evidence
A=Appearing
R=Real
Is that not so true? Fear is false evidence appearing real. Fear is absolutely Satan's tool to get us to fall into his trap of misery and despair, to get us to plummet down that negative spiral. It really is the door to hell because we allow ourselves to get wrapped up in things that are untrue and unreal. So how do we keep ourselves from opening that door and falling in? What Moses does next in this story is the answer.
Nevertheless, calling upon God, he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory.
And now Satan began to tremble, and the earth shook; and Moses received strength, and called upon God, saying: In the name of the Only Begotten, depart hence, Satan.
And it came to pass that Satan cried with a loud voice, with weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth; and he departed hence, even from the presence of Moses, that he beheld him not.
Favorite Scriptures #10, #11 and #12:
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
So God has a wonderful way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn. I had been a little discouraged and depressed earlier last week and to be honest I wasn't sure why. I had done some write and burns about what I thought I was feeling, but then the discouragement would pop back up again. I talked with my mentor Tuesday and told him about these downer feelings I had been having. I told him I had been doing the same things that I used to do when I was depressed-hiding out in my room, reading escape novels, playing games on my phone, getting irritated with my husband, and eating foods that taste good but don't make me feel good. I was obviously trying to escape my feelings instead of facing them by allowing myself to get absorbed in my "distraction" behaviors. What my mentor said to me was something I knew but hadn't applied. I wasn't living in the moment. I soon realized that my negative feelings were a combination of being worried about falling back into behaviors and patterns of the past while also fearing if I would be able to meet up to what's expected of me in my future. I was dwelling in both the past and the future and I was discouraged and depressed. I find it ironic that I just did a big post on living in the moment and yet I am still learning to do it in my own life. So yes I am not perfect and yes I am still learning. Even though I have overcome a lot of the negative behaviors that held me captive, Satan will continue to attack me in those areas because he knows that's where my weakness is and that's where he has gotten me before. I have to continually be aware of what is going on in my mind and have my tools ready to use so that Satan can't get me to stay down. But no matter how imperfect I am, what I am saying and teaching is truth. Truth is truth no matter how imperfect the deliverer of truth is. My last post about living in the moment is true! When we are in the moment and focusing on what we are doing now and who we are now then we find peace and joy. If we let ourselves get focused on the past or the future, that is when all those negative feelings start creeping in. So continue to be aware of where your thoughts are going and do all you can to live in the now! Be fully present where you are! It does take time as I so obviously prove. I am still learning how to make living in the moment the majority of my life, but I know it is possible. I already find myself letting go of thoughts that take me away from being in the moment simply because I became aware that I was living in my past and future.
Favorite Quote #49:
What time is it?
NOW!
Where are you?
HERE!
What are you?
THIS MOMENT!
Peaceful Warrior
Along these same lines of living in the moment is another key truth. It is also related to finding ourselves in the middle, centered, and balanced as opposed to living on the ends. I talked about the extreme beliefs of "I'm not good enough" or "I'm less than" and the opposite extreme of "I'm better than" in previous posts. Just as we want to be in the middle by being in the present and not in the past or future, we also want to be in the middle by being humble instead of prideful which happens when we believe either extreme of "I'm less than" or "I'm better than". We combat pride through humility, so humility is the other key to peace and joy that I want to talk about. I feel a lot of us may not necessarily understand what humility really is. We may think that thinking poorly of ourselves is being humble. That is not true. Remember my pride stick diagram? Well, here it is again but I have altered it a bit in order to show you what humility is.
Now once again, I believe in God and I believe that all truth ultimately comes from God. I also believe that when we live our lives according to truth or in other words according to God's way, we will find peace and joy. We can know what is truth by the way it makes us feel and by the actions that come as a result of believing it. I know that everything I have said in my blog is truth because of the happiness I have felt as a result of believing it and for the good it has brought in my life and in the lives of others as I have acted on it. The lies that I believed for so long during my eating disorder only brought me sorrow and despair. I know now that what I was believing was untrue because of how it made me feel and what it caused me to do. So experiment on the words I am saying. Test them out and if what I am saying feels good and causes you to do good, then it is truth. As I quote more scripture, please read to find the truth that is in it. Even if you aren't members of the LDS faith, read to find the truth because the truth will set you free!!
I want to share with you the scriptural account that helped me come up with this pride/humility diagram. I want you to understand that what I just shared with you is not just my creation, but it comes from the word of God. And because it comes from God, it is truth. In Moses 1 in the Pearl of Great Price, we learn that Moses goes up into a high mountain where he talks face to face with God. God tells Moses this:
And I have a work for thee, Moses, my son; and thou art in the similitude of mine Only Begotten; and mine Only Begotten is and shall be the Savior, for he is full of grace and truth; but there is no God beside me, and all things are present with me, for I know them all.
Moses 1:6
I love this verse of scripture because it is full of amazing truths! The first truth we learn is that we each have a work to perform. If God said this to Moses, then He said it to each one of us. In fact, if you look up "work" in the scriptures, you will see several times where the Lord tells different people what their "work" is. The Lord also says several times in the D&C that "what I say unto one I say unto all". God is no respecter of persons. His truth applies to each one of us. We each have a plan, a work and a purpose. We are each so vital and important to God that He sent us all here to this earth for a specific reason. Doesn't that understanding and truth give meaning to our lives? Does it not help us realize that whatever happens to us, it is all meant to help us be and do all that He created us to be and do? I don't believe in coincidence, chance, or luck. I believe God is in the details of our lives. If we will BELIEVE this truth that we all have a work to do, then through the direction and guidance of God, we will be amazed at what God can help us do and become in this life and in the next! So what is your purpose? What is your work? Knowing your purpose doesn't mean you know exactly what is going to happen in your life. Knowing your purpose means you know to what end you are going to live your life. As Jesus Christ put it, "To this end was I born." We can come to know our purpose and our work as we read our patriarchal blessing, pray, meditate, attend the temple, attend church and read the scriptures. We can look at our life's experiences and trials and the things we have learned from them. We can recognize and develop our gifts and talents. Through these things and by opening our hearts and minds to God, we will receive personal revelation as to what we need to do in our lives. But of course, we have our agency and we can choose to follow Him or we can choose not to. It is ultimately our choice. But "wickedness never was happiness". God's way is the only way that will lead us to real and lasting peace and joy.
Next, God calls Moses by name and then calls him His son. What an incredible truth! God knows each one of us by name and we are all His sons and daughters. We are divine! Our spirits were created by Him, a divine being, and He loves us because we are His children. I know in the LDS faith we are taught this since we are little. But do we BELIEVE this truth that we are sons and daughters of God? When we believe something, whether its true or untrue, it becomes who we are. Whatever we believe is evidenced in the way we look and in the way we act. I will tell you that I thought I believed I was a daughter of God my whole life. I read my scriptures and said my prayers and went to church. So maybe in some way I did believe because I did those things. But I don't think I believed in what it meant to be a daughter of God. I was deceived and misled into believing that my worth depended on how I was seen by the world. Because we can never be good enough according to the world, I soon felt unlovable and unworthy. This led me to develop a negative, disabling, self-sabotaging eating disorder. This untrue belief affected my body and of course it affected me emotionally. I became extremely miserable and unhappy. All of these consequences came because of believing untruths about myself. I didn't believe in who I truly was until a year ago and that's when not only did I find real peace and joy, not only did my negative behavior become positive, but my outward appearance also changed. And I'm not talking about weight even though that changed too. I'm talking about my countenance. There is a light in my eyes that wasn't there before. The compliments I have received over this last year have been more about the fact that I am "glowing", "shining", "radiating", that I "look happy", and that I have "a light about me" as opposed to about the weight I have lost. And that has all come because I finally believe the truth about who I really am. God is the source of all truth and light. When we understand not only who we are but "whose we are" as Sister Dalton so beautifully put it, then God's truth and light shines through us. I am a daughter of God! We are all the sons and daughters of a divine, perfect, exalted being!!
Another truth we learn is that we were created in the image of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ was God's only perfect child. He was God's firstborn sent to earth to perform a sacred work that would impact all of us. Jesus Christ knew who He was from a very young age and because of that was able to perform the work that God asked Him to perform, even when it meant to endure the ultimate suffering and anguish of paying the price for all of our sins. He was able to do it because He knew who He was and He knew His purpose. He now sits with God in heaven as a perfect and exalted being. We were created in Christ's image therefore we have the ability and opportunity to become like He is which means we too can be perfect and exalted beings. Do we BELIEVE in our potential? That we can become gods and goddesses ourselves? This can be a hard concept to grasp because of our imperfect nature now, but its all part of the plan. How can a doctor become a doctor if he doesn't go through the necessary training or learning period? This earth life is our training, our learning period. We are not meant to be perfect now. We are meant to be students now and learn how to become as Christ is. Because that is our destiny! To become as Christ is - a perfect and exalted being!
Then we learn about Jesus Christ. God boldly declares that Jesus Christ is the Savior. God wants us to know and understand the role Christ would perform on this earth. But not only that Christ shall be the Savior, but that He IS NOW the Savior. Remember God is telling Moses this long before Christ comes to the earth. Christ took on the role of Savior in the Grand Council in heaven before any of us came to earth. We all loved and honored Him then knowing the sacrifice He would make on earth in our behalf. So shouldn't we have those same feelings for Him now? Shouldn't we be doing all we can to honor His sacrifice now by the way we live our lives? Don't we honor a person by doing what they would have us do? God is pointing us to Jesus Christ because He wants us to know who to follow and be like if we want to achieve and receive of our divine potential. Because of the Atonement Christ so willingly made for each one of us, we can look to Him as the source of all grace. Christ lived a perfect life and because of that, we can look to Him as the source of all truth. Do we BELIEVE that Jesus Christ is who God says He is? If we want to be happy, if we want to have true peace and joy, we need to look to and follow Christ because He is the source of all grace and truth.
The final truth we learn is about God Himself. We learn that He is the one and only God. There is no other God to worship but Him. We learn that He is all-knowing because everything is present before Him. Hmmm. That's a whole deeper level into the truth of living in the moment. No wonder God is so happy and peaceful! He lives in the present. All things are present before Him. I never thought of living in the moment in that way before but its truth. What a cool realization about God and one of the reasons for His peace and happiness! Through this truth we understand that we can have complete and total faith in God because He is the one and only God and because His great work and glory is "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man". We can trust that He loves us and all that is included in our individual plans and purposes is meant for our eventual exaltation. He doesn't determine our actions, we do. We still have our agency. But because everything is present before Him, He can see the end from the beginning. He knows the choices we are going to make and will always provide a way for us to do what He asks us to do. What peace and comfort that can give us when we are dealing with hard stuff. As tough as it is, if we will allow ourselves to learn from those hard times instead of becoming bitter by them, then those hard times will become stepping stones to our exaltation. I am in awe and reverence of how perfect God's plan is for each one of us. I know God is real and I know God loves us so much that He gives us the hard times so we can be all that we were created to be!
Incredible and powerful truths right? Well, let's move on in the story. Moses is then shown a vision of all God's children that have ever lived and that will ever live on this earth. Moses saw us and our day! As the vision ends, God leaves and Moses faints from complete and total physical, spiritual, emotional and mental exhaustion. As he awakes, he says this:
Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed.
He recognizes the truth that we are nothing. So that is where I got "I am nothing" from. Moses sees all of God's earthly creations and realizes his insignificance. He knows that he was created from the dust of the earth and that there are countless numbers of God's children like himself. But this truth in and of itself was insufficient. He didn't think that he was less than or better than God's other children. He realized he was equal to all of God's children because all of God's children had a purpose and a work to perform just like him. All of God's children would have trials and weaknesses and also gifts and strengths in order to accomplish their work and achieve their greatest potential. Moses also BELIEVED in what it meant to be a son of God. He realized that he meant everything to God because he was His son. He realized that even he, one man among many, must be important to God or God would not have spent that time with him showing him His creations and then giving Moses such an incredible work to do. And that's where I found the truth of "I am everything". Even though we may be nothing as we look at the grand picture, to God we are everything because every one of us are His children and He needs every one of us to fulfill our own plan in order for His grand plan to be accomplished. I love it when my kids ask me who my favorite child is. I immediately reply, "You are all my favorite children!" I know that is the way God feels about each one of us. I may not perfectly show it all the time, but God obviously does. Some of us earn certain blessings and privileges because of our actions while others don't (isn't that true about our own children?), but that doesn't mean God loves any of His children more or less. He loves all of us equally and wants to give all of us everything He has.
Well, right in the moment that Moses was thinking all of this, Satan comes tempting him. Why? Because Moses realized the truth of who he was and Satan was going to do all he could to distract him from that. Satan says to Moses, "Moses, son of Man, worship me." Whoa! God had just told Moses he was a son of God and look how Satan tries to get Moses to forget that truth by calling him a son of man. Moses stands strong and asks Satan where his glory is because Moses can look on him with his natural eyes whereas he just saw God and had to be transfigured in order to behold His glory. Then Moses makes this most powerful declaration:
Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not; for God said unto me: Thou art after the similitude of mine Only Begotten.
Moses knew who he was and because of that he was able to recognize Satan's deceptions. That is powerful!! When we know who we truly are, it is then that we have the ability to recognize the negative, deceiving lies that Satan is planting in our heads. But Moses wasn't completely successful at casting Satan out yet. Moses says a few more things which causes Satan to rant and rave and tempt Moses all the more to worship him. In fact, Satan even calls himself the "Only Begotten". Do you see how Satan twisted the truth in order to deceive Moses? Does Satan not still do that today? Let me assure you that he does! Well, at this point Moses starts to fear. Really interesting right? As Moses starts to fear, it says "he saw the bitterness of hell". Wow! When we fear, isn't that when we get down and discouraged and depressed to a point where we even see "the bitterness of hell"? So what is fear? I love this definition of fear based on an acronym of the word.
F=False
E=Evidence
A=Appearing
R=Real
Is that not so true? Fear is false evidence appearing real. Fear is absolutely Satan's tool to get us to fall into his trap of misery and despair, to get us to plummet down that negative spiral. It really is the door to hell because we allow ourselves to get wrapped up in things that are untrue and unreal. So how do we keep ourselves from opening that door and falling in? What Moses does next in this story is the answer.
Nevertheless, calling upon God, he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory.
And now Satan began to tremble, and the earth shook; and Moses received strength, and called upon God, saying: In the name of the Only Begotten, depart hence, Satan.
And it came to pass that Satan cried with a loud voice, with weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth; and he departed hence, even from the presence of Moses, that he beheld him not.
Moses 1:20-22
Do you see what just happened there? This is where my little equation comes in.
Humility + God = Power to do all things
Moses immediately recognized his fear and called upon God for strength. He was humble and recognized his inability to completely cast Satan out on his own. As soon as he asked for God's strength, it was given to him. And then with God's strength, he was able to cast Satan out for good. He had tried before saying the same things of "get thee hence Satan" and "depart hence Satan", but Satan didn't leave Moses' presence until Moses combined his humility with the strength and power of God. That is where it's at my friends!! In recognizing who we really are or in other words being humble, we realize that we need God's help and strength. In order to conquer Satan, in order to get through trials and tribulations, and in order to turn weaknesses into strengths, we need God! We need His strength and we need His power. This is why the Atonement was made by Jesus Christ so that we could repent and have access to God's power and strength. This is also what the write and burn helps us do. It helps us kick Satan out of our minds by identifying the deceitful untruths and negative beliefs about ourselves that he has planted there. Then we use the Atonement as we burn it to help us let go of those beliefs and feelings. When we are humble and unite ourselves with God's strength and power because we realize we can't do it on our own, we will then gain all the power needed to do and accomplish all that is required of us!
Favorite Scriptures #10, #11 and #12:
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Philippians 4:13
And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.
Mark 10:27
Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him.
1 Nephi 7:12
Down through time the same admonition and promise is given. With Christ, we can do all things if we will just believe in Him!
So please take this to heart. Realize who you really are! You are both nothing and everything at the same time and equal to everyone around you. Couple that belief and humility with the power of God and you will be able to do all that is required of you! You will get through the difficult times! You will create that peace and joy in your life! I know all of this is true. I know the happiness that I feel in my life is because with God I was able to overcome Satan and the devastating untrue beliefs that he planted in my head. My journey is ongoing and I continue to have to overcome Satan on a daily basis, but my weakness has been made into a strength because I now know what to do and where to turn for that strength. It can be the same for you. So hang in there. Because of Jesus Christ, there is hope! You are not meant to live in despair, misery, and depression. You are meant to have joy now! Use the write and burn. Use the little black book or whatever other tools you may have that help you be aware and identify Satan's lies. Then let the lies and untruths go. Live in the moment. Be humble and turn to God for strength to overcome. And again please email me if there is anything I can help you with!
You are amazing! So go and . . .
You are amazing! So go and . . .
be.YOU.tiful!!!
Friday, April 19, 2013
The Keys to Peace and Joy Part One - Living in the Moment
So are you out there? I believe you are, but I haven't heard much from you in awhile. I truly am so grateful for the comments I have received in the past because they have inspired me on what to post next or have helped me in my life. But I would still really love your feedback. Is what I am writing in my blog helpful to you? Do you have a question or a concern that you would like me to address? Do you have some experiences with the tools I have talked about that you could share? Everyone's voice makes a difference! As you share what is going on in your life, as you open up and are real with what you are dealing with, it helps others do the same and then we all heal together. I really want to create an environment in my blog where everyone feels they can be open and share what they are thinking and feeling or things they are wondering about or have questions about. I want you to feel that this is a safe place where you can ask questions and get the help you need. I have made it possible for you to make a comment on this blog anonymously. It will still be available for others to see and read, but your name doesn't have to be attached to it. If you want to have a more private dialogue between you and me then feel free to email me and we can even set up a time where we talk over the phone. Once again my email is rachellerchase@yahoo.com. I truly want all of you out there to create peace and happiness in your life, but some of us need some assistance in order to make it happen. I did. I will be forever grateful to my mentor for his gentle guidance and counsel, for listening and helping me understand what I was thinking and feeling. I want to be that source of help and guidance for you. Please know I am here for you and feel free to contact me by email or leave a comment at the end of any post. If you would like me to be your mentor, I would absolutely love to! Send me an email. I've been there and I just want to help you get from there to here too!!
So the big question is how right? How do we do this? How do we get from there to here? How do we stay balanced, grounded and centered? How do we keep ourselves from ping-ponging back and forth between "I'm not good enough" and "I'm better than"? How do we find happiness, contentment, fulfillment, and peace in our crazy, busy lives? I have already shared with you two keys to creating these things in your life. Being aware and letting go. These are necessary in order to access that peace and joy we so desperately want. We have to recognize and then let go of the negative if we want to have room for the positive. There are two other steps we need to take if we want this result. I have touched on both of these topics in previous posts, but I wanted to talk about them more in depth. In this post I want to talk about the concept of living in the moment. So critical to having peace and joy! In my next post, I will talk about humility, or in other words, knowing who we truly are. Acting on these 4 keys will not only bring us peace and joy, but they will propel us into living a life full of passion and purpose.
This life really is about being at peace and happy. Its what we all want and its what we all are searching so desperately to find. But happiness isn't something we find outside of ourselves. Its not a destination or a situation. It is something we create from within ourselves. Its a way of life. I hate to be blunt, but the truth is that we cause our own unhappiness. Sure people can be mean and do terrible, hurtful things to us. Hard things do happen to us. But the way we internalize, interpret, and react to those things is what brings joy or pain into our lives. I love a phrase from a great song called Hall of Fame. In it they say that we can "walk straight through hell with a smile." I believe that is true. No matter what our circumstances are, we can always choose to be happy. I know that is hard for a lot of us to comprehend at this moment in time. However, it is not only a possibility, but a reality. And it can be something that comes naturally without our forced effort because having joy is part of our very nature. When we are unhappy, it means that for some reason or another we are not being true to our nature. We were created and sent here to earth to have joy.
Repeat of Favorite Scripture #3:
Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.
Accessing this joy has a lot to do with where our minds are at whether it be the past, the present, or the future. I related to you my experience in Hawaii of how I ping-ponged back and forth between the extremes of "I'm not good enough" and "I'm better than". I wasn't happy and it showed in the way I acted towards my husband. On the final day of my trip, I had an incredible experience. My family and I were at the pool, some of us enjoying the sun and some of us enjoying the pool. I took some time to just lay back in my lounge chair and relax. I didn't listen to my music. I didn't play Candy Crush. And I didn't read my book. I was just quiet. I closed my eyes and let myself be completely in the present. I listened to the waves crashing on the beach. I felt the warmth of the sun on my body. I listened to the Air Force jets flying over me in the sky. I felt the breeze gently blowing around me. I listened to kids playing in the water. I noticed when clouds would pass over the sun and the light of the day would darken just a bit. I listened to a conversation going on by those in the chairs beside me. I listened to the music being played on the speakers throughout the resort and the birds singing in the trees. I was quiet in my mind and completely focused on what was going on around me in that moment.
Favorite Quote #44:
There is never nothing going on. There are no ordinary moments.
Every moment is rich with beauty and wonder. I was thoroughly enjoying myself as I gave my full attention to what was happening in the moment. I wasn't thinking about the past or the future. I wasn't caught up in "I'm less than" or "I'm better than". I was completely and totally living in the now and I felt complete and total peace and happiness. I was so peaceful and calm in my mind that I fell asleep.
This concept of being present and living in the now is a concept most philosophies and religions embrace. Its the act of accepting and allowing what is because that is all we have. Its the act of being grateful for what we have right now in this moment and leaving the rest up to God by trusting in His plan and in His omniscience. Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite inspirational authors and speakers, says "Let go and let God." Jesus Christ put it this way:
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin . . . .
Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
. . . for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
If you pay attention to nature, you'll notice that nature does nature in the moment. Lilies are just being lilies in the moment. They are not trying to be a rose. A horse is a horse of course, right in the moment. Its not wishing it was still a young horse or worrying about becoming an old horse. Its not thinking its less good looking than that horse or faster than that other horse. Its just being what it was created to be in the moment, thus it is joyful and content. When our attention is focused on seeking God and doing His will in the moment, then everything else will either fall into place or fall out of importance in our lives. God will take care of our needs if we put him first.
Favorite Quote #45:
All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence. Most people find it difficult to believe that a state of consciousness totally free of all negativity is possible. And yet this is the liberated state to which all spiritual teachings point. It is the promise of salvation, not in an illusory future but right here and now.
Favorite Quote #46:
There's an irony to this habit of letting your mind drift to other times and other places. You can only drift off in the now, because now is all you ever get. So drifting off is a way of using up your present moments. You do indeed have a past, but not now! And, yes, you have a future, but not now! You can consume your now thoughts of "then" and "maybe," but that will keep you from the inner peace you could experience.
So the big question is how right? How do we do this? How do we get from there to here? How do we stay balanced, grounded and centered? How do we keep ourselves from ping-ponging back and forth between "I'm not good enough" and "I'm better than"? How do we find happiness, contentment, fulfillment, and peace in our crazy, busy lives? I have already shared with you two keys to creating these things in your life. Being aware and letting go. These are necessary in order to access that peace and joy we so desperately want. We have to recognize and then let go of the negative if we want to have room for the positive. There are two other steps we need to take if we want this result. I have touched on both of these topics in previous posts, but I wanted to talk about them more in depth. In this post I want to talk about the concept of living in the moment. So critical to having peace and joy! In my next post, I will talk about humility, or in other words, knowing who we truly are. Acting on these 4 keys will not only bring us peace and joy, but they will propel us into living a life full of passion and purpose.
This life really is about being at peace and happy. Its what we all want and its what we all are searching so desperately to find. But happiness isn't something we find outside of ourselves. Its not a destination or a situation. It is something we create from within ourselves. Its a way of life. I hate to be blunt, but the truth is that we cause our own unhappiness. Sure people can be mean and do terrible, hurtful things to us. Hard things do happen to us. But the way we internalize, interpret, and react to those things is what brings joy or pain into our lives. I love a phrase from a great song called Hall of Fame. In it they say that we can "walk straight through hell with a smile." I believe that is true. No matter what our circumstances are, we can always choose to be happy. I know that is hard for a lot of us to comprehend at this moment in time. However, it is not only a possibility, but a reality. And it can be something that comes naturally without our forced effort because having joy is part of our very nature. When we are unhappy, it means that for some reason or another we are not being true to our nature. We were created and sent here to earth to have joy.
Repeat of Favorite Scripture #3:
Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.
Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:25
Accessing this joy has a lot to do with where our minds are at whether it be the past, the present, or the future. I related to you my experience in Hawaii of how I ping-ponged back and forth between the extremes of "I'm not good enough" and "I'm better than". I wasn't happy and it showed in the way I acted towards my husband. On the final day of my trip, I had an incredible experience. My family and I were at the pool, some of us enjoying the sun and some of us enjoying the pool. I took some time to just lay back in my lounge chair and relax. I didn't listen to my music. I didn't play Candy Crush. And I didn't read my book. I was just quiet. I closed my eyes and let myself be completely in the present. I listened to the waves crashing on the beach. I felt the warmth of the sun on my body. I listened to the Air Force jets flying over me in the sky. I felt the breeze gently blowing around me. I listened to kids playing in the water. I noticed when clouds would pass over the sun and the light of the day would darken just a bit. I listened to a conversation going on by those in the chairs beside me. I listened to the music being played on the speakers throughout the resort and the birds singing in the trees. I was quiet in my mind and completely focused on what was going on around me in that moment.
Favorite Quote #44:
There is never nothing going on. There are no ordinary moments.
Peaceful Warrior
Every moment is rich with beauty and wonder. I was thoroughly enjoying myself as I gave my full attention to what was happening in the moment. I wasn't thinking about the past or the future. I wasn't caught up in "I'm less than" or "I'm better than". I was completely and totally living in the now and I felt complete and total peace and happiness. I was so peaceful and calm in my mind that I fell asleep.
This concept of being present and living in the now is a concept most philosophies and religions embrace. Its the act of accepting and allowing what is because that is all we have. Its the act of being grateful for what we have right now in this moment and leaving the rest up to God by trusting in His plan and in His omniscience. Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite inspirational authors and speakers, says "Let go and let God." Jesus Christ put it this way:
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin . . . .
Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
. . . for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Matthew 6: 28, 30-34
Favorite Quote #45:
All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence. Most people find it difficult to believe that a state of consciousness totally free of all negativity is possible. And yet this is the liberated state to which all spiritual teachings point. It is the promise of salvation, not in an illusory future but right here and now.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Favorite Quote #46:
There's an irony to this habit of letting your mind drift to other times and other places. You can only drift off in the now, because now is all you ever get. So drifting off is a way of using up your present moments. You do indeed have a past, but not now! And, yes, you have a future, but not now! You can consume your now thoughts of "then" and "maybe," but that will keep you from the inner peace you could experience.
Wayne Dyer
Wayne Dyer then goes on to talk about doing exactly what I did in that moment in Hawaii.
To practice living in the moment, stop and take notice of all that's in your immediate space - the people, animals, plants, the sky, buildings, everything. Stay in the present by meditating and getting closer to the ultimate now . . . God. The truth is that you can only come to know God when you give up the past and the future in your mind and merge totally into the now, because God is always here now.
I absolutely love the way he phrases that! And that is the truth my friends. I have experienced it for myself. When we live in the now, we find God. And when we find God, we find peace, happiness and contentment because He is the author of peace, happiness and contentment.
Favorite Quote #47:
No God no peace. Know God know peace.
This world is so noisy. Noise surrounds us and distracts us in every moment. But God is in the silence. When we sit in silence, that is when God speaks to us. When we are quiet in our minds, we will find God. So meditate, pray, be quiet in your mind. Stay in the now because in the now is where God is and where God is, peace is.
I told my husband about the hard time I had had on the trip because of the conflicting thoughts in my mind. He said he was so sorry that I had such a battle going on in my head. He said that he just doesn't think that much. His mind stays pretty quiet and he just lives and enjoys life for what it is as it comes. My husband is a very happy, content individual. In fact, one of the first things that attracted me to him was how happy he naturally was. What amazed me was when I found out that he had lost a 2 day old baby brother and his father within a 6 month period when he was 13 years of age. How easy would it have been for him to remain sad, bitter, and angry that God had let that happen? Negative thoughts and feelings are easy to allow because of gravity. Due to gravity, our negative thoughts and feelings quickly take us plummeting down that negative spiral. Being positive in any difficult situation takes conscious effort and strength. To be positive and trust in God's plan in a difficult situation is the harder choice because we are going against gravity. My husband chose to be positive. He chose happiness when it would have been so easy to choose misery and despair. He made the decision to become better because of that experience and now people love to be around him because of his happy, positive nature. He lives in the moment and because of that, in his opinion, life is good. I also remember talking to my dad some time ago when I was in a difficult spot and I told him that I truly did not know how to be happy. He lovingly replied that he didn't understand because he just lived and loved life for what it was and as it came to him. Then at night, he would look back over his day thanking God for all the little but wonderful things that happened to him that day. He told me that at his age (even though he is still quite young ;)), he was attending many funerals and had realized how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken from us. He learned how important it was to embrace every moment for what it was and then to be grateful to God for even giving him that moment in the first place.
Favorite Quote #48:
Don't forget to pray today, because God didn't forget to wake you up this morning.
I don't know if every man is like my husband and my father, but I am so grateful for these incredible men in my life who have taught me through their example how to live joyfully by living in the moment.
So are you attached to the past or worried about what might happen in the future? Let go and let God and you will be calm and at peace even amidst the storms of life. It is possible and it can be your reality right now. Just accept and allow what is to be what it is. Whatever you look like, whatever you're doing, wherever you are - it is what it is. Allow it to be so. I know you can do this because I have done it even though I am not perfect at it and even though it has taken time and patience to get here. But it definitely has become the way I think the majority of the time now. It takes time to make this a permanent part of your life. Don't get frustrated and discouraged and give up because you're not perfect at it. As we continue to practice living in the moment, it will become more a part of our habitual way of living until it becomes the majority of our lives. So practice and practice and then practice some more. Practice makes permanent not perfect. Practice in order to make living in the moment a permanent part of your life and when you do that you will make peace and joy a permanent part of your life.
I want to end with a repeat of a song I put in a previous post. The song is Living in the Moment by Jason Mraz. So you can obviously see why I need to include it again in this post. Find the song on playlist.com or wherever and then listen while you read these lyrics. Pay attention to how he talks about living in the future in the first verse. Then in the second verse he talks about living in the past. And his chorus is all about living in the moment. Such a great song and its all truth!
I want to end with a repeat of a song I put in a previous post. The song is Living in the Moment by Jason Mraz. So you can obviously see why I need to include it again in this post. Find the song on playlist.com or wherever and then listen while you read these lyrics. Pay attention to how he talks about living in the future in the first verse. Then in the second verse he talks about living in the past. And his chorus is all about living in the moment. Such a great song and its all truth!
If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps?
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free
I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me
So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I'll only do this by
Living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
Living in the moment
I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
I'm letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong
And I believe this way can be the same for everyone
And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I can't walk through life facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more
By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
Got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Oh, easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
Peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
Why do we lay all these traps?
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free
I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me
So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I'll only do this by
Living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
Living in the moment
I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
I'm letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong
And I believe this way can be the same for everyone
And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
To live in the moment
To live my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I can't walk through life facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more
By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
Got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Oh, easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
Peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
Embrace the now! Live in the moment and you will be at peace because you will have found God! You are amazing and wonderful and beautiful just the way you are RIGHT NOW! So . . .
be.YOU.tiful!!!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
The Other Lie of "I'm Better Than"
So we took a nice family vacation over spring break which is why it's taken me so long to get another post up. Sorry about that! I enjoyed the break, but I still have so much I want to share with you on this blog so I'm not done yet. Let me prelude this post by saying once again that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am a Christian and Jesus Christ is at the core and foundation of all that I believe. I will be quoting more scriptures in this post than I have in the past so for those of you who are not members of the LDS church, please don't be offended. Read on. I hope you can see that even if you are not members of this faith, the concepts and principles I am sharing are truth. Truth can be found everywhere, but inevitably all truth comes from God. So read the scriptures I quote with a desire to understand truth and I promise you will find truth and you will find help in overcoming whatever it is you struggle with.
In this post, I want to talk about the the other end of the pride stick - the lie of "I'm better than". Most of us don't want to admit that we have this thought. I'm sad to admit that it is a thought and belief I have had to deal with. I've always had a strong desire to not be prideful and to not let the belief of "I'm better than" affect how I think about and treat others, but it has still been there. Unfortunately, whether we want to admit it or not, we all deal with this belief. And if we don't become aware of it in our minds and remain in denial that it is there, then it will become the belief with which we subconsciously judge and treat others. So please don't just skip reading this post because you think this is not something you deal with. We all deal with this thought. This lie and the lie of "I'm not good enough" that I talked about in my last post are the two thoughts Satan gets us to ping-pong back and forth between in order to keep us completely confused about who we truly are.
Let me illustrate this for you again with my pride stick diagram.
Both of these extremes lead to unhappiness and misery because they are not based in truth. These two beliefs are Satan's lies. If he can get us distracted and focused on one of these beliefs or ping-ponging back and forth between them, then he has got us. I had a friend describe this as the Pit/Pedestal Dilemma. When we are in the pit, we look up at others and think we are less than them or that we are not good enough to be where they are. When we are on the pedestal, we look down at others and think we are better than them. Its all based on comparison. When we compare ourselves as either better than or less than others, we have stepped into Satan's trap. This life is a challenge, not a competition. We are all here to learn the same thing even though we may learn it in different ways and at different times. We are not less than or better than anyone. We are all different, but equal.
I find it amazing and totally non-coincidental that I waited until now to write this post because on my trip this past week I had an experience with both of these untrue beliefs. Yes, I am not immune even though I have been working on this stuff for over a year. We will continually need to stay aware of what is going on in our minds because as soon as we don't that is when Satan sneaks in and snags us with his invisible chords and drags us slowly down that negative spiral.
Favorite Scripture #5 and #6:
Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always, lest ye be tempted by the devil, and ye be led away captive by him.
Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for Satan desireth to have you, that he may sift you as wheat.
Notice the word always. We always need to be watching and praying. We have to stay aware or else Satan will ensnare us. This past week Satan caught me. I became unhappy because I allowed myself to become unaware of what I was thinking. Let me tell you what happened. I was super excited for this family trip to Hawaii. For the first time in many years, I was finally feeling confident and good about myself. I had lost 30 lbs and even more important to me than that, I had let go of a lot of the negative beliefs in my mind so I felt happy and good on the inside about me. I can't remember the last beach and sun vacation we took that I actually felt comfortable walking around in my own skin. I have always been ashamed of my body and embarrassed to be in a swimsuit. And because I felt that way about myself, I typically was an unhappy person on our beach trips. So you can imagine how excited I was that I could go on this trip to Hawaii with my family and feel happy and good about myself. Well, we get there and for the first couple days, I was unaware that I was looking around comparing myself to other women and thinking, "I look so good! People are looking at me thinking how cute I am! I even look better than her and her!" I am obviously not happy to admit that is what went through my head! I didn't even realize that was what I was thinking until a couple days into the trip when my husband asked, "What is wrong? You seem upset and you aren't happy with me? Did I do something?" And then I realized what was going on. I had allowed myself to be influenced by Satan's negative thoughts. Because I had been unaware, I was deceived and didn't notice that Satan had gotten me to slip from confidence to pride by planting some little negative thoughts in my head. I attached to those thoughts so they became what I believed was true about me. Now remember, "wickedness never was happiness." Feeling better than someone else does not make us happy!! Looking better than someone else will not make us happy!! These are untruths and false sources of identity and worth, thus believing them will only make us feel miserable! Because I had let my ego and pride overtake my quiet confidence, I had become miserable. Remember the thought cycle? Because of the negative thoughts I attached to, I felt miserable which then lead me to treat my husband miserably which then resulted in me pushing him away. Anytime we get out of balance and feel either less than or better than others, it directly affects our relationships. We push people away because we are not connected and content with who we really are. I also wasn't caring about what I ate because my belief of "I'm better than" led me to think I could eat whatever I wanted. So I started eating stuff that I knew I was allergic to and that didn't make me feel good. Now there is nothing wrong with enjoying food on a vacation, but I wasn't eating the food to enjoy it. I was eating the food to escape the negative thoughts and feelings I was having. Then because I wasn't eating well, I started to not feel good about myself. And where do you think my thoughts went then? "Oh I am so fat. I feel terrible and now I'm bloated and my gut is pooching out. I look terrible. Look at her. She looks so much better than me." Literally! Can you see how I ping-ponged? Can you see how I let Satan get me to believe one extreme and then the other, keeping me totally distracted from the truth of who I really was . . . that I was not my body! I am my spirit! I was totally distracted with these untrue beliefs, thoughts and comparisons and therefore, I was totally unhappy! By the last day of the trip, I was bursting just like my analogy of the dam bursting that I talked about in my Letting Go post. I was overflowing with negative and I ended up getting really frustrated and angry with my kids when I was stressed about finding our way to a whale watching cruise. And that's what happens! When we function on the beliefs of "I'm better than" or "I'm not good enough" we act contrary to who we really want to be. Instead of reacting to my kids with patience and love which is how I wanted to react, I reacted with anger because of all the negative thoughts that had been rolling around in my head all week. It was a great trip, but I struggled with these thoughts. I had a really cool experience on the last day of the trip which I will share with you in my next post.
So how many of us find ourselves caught in this absolutely frustrating game of trying to look better and be better than all the other women around us? How many of us then in our effort to look better and be better start looking down on others and criticizing others in order to make ourselves feel and look better than them? I have found myself doing this. When I was in the midst of my difficulties, I recall times when I would be talking to someone and I would criticize or put down another person for something they did or said. I also got mad at my husband many times and nagged him for things he did or said that would get me so worked up and annoyed. As I started to heal, I realized two different things. First that when I put another person down, I wasn't making myself look better, but actually making myself look worse. I don't know how I ever thought that putting someone else down made me look better. I believe we do this because the truth is we feel very guilty and ashamed of our own weaknesses and flaws. But instead of focusing on improving and bettering ourselves, we gossip about others or get mad at others for their weaknesses and flaws in order to feel better about ourselves and to make it known that we're not the only one with flaws. Misery loves company so we try to take others down with us. So sad! And the really sad part is that when we deal with our guilt and shame in this way, we only become more miserable. The second thing I learned was that the things I was getting mad and annoyed over with my husband and even other people were the very things that I hated about myself. But because it was too hard and shameful at the time to face it as a flaw I had, I would displace my anger and get mad and annoyed at someone else for displaying the exact same flaw that I had!
Favorite Scripture #7:
For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother: Let me pull the mote out of thine eye--and behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye.
I obviously am guilty of doing this so I am not trying to be hypocritical in saying this, but I feel that we judge others unfairly and unrighteously too much in our day and age. Because of the pressure that we have put on ourselves to be perfect, we judge and make comparisons to others in order to figure out where we stand. And typically that judgment of others is based on the outward appearance--how good of a body they have, how expensive and trendy their clothing is, how big their house is, how fancy their car is, how much money their husband makes, how great their kids look at church, how well mannered their kids are, how well they cook, how creative and crafty they are, how amazing and vintage and unique their family pictures are, how well decorated their house is, how athletic and fit they are, how many races they are doing, how amazingly they can sing or dance, and the list goes on and on. It is so easy for us to get caught up in judging people for how they appear on the outside and then declaring that they are either less perfect or more perfect than we are according to that judgment. But comparing and judging others in this way only ends up hurting us and those around us. Focusing on how we can "keep up with the Jones'" or even be better than the Jones' will never bring us contentment, peace and happiness. The sad thing is that we keep doing it thinking it will. We think that success and perfection in a worldly sense is what's going to bring us happiness. It does not! Trust me on this ok! I've said it before and I will say it again - I tried it for 22 years and I got nothing but misery and despair! If we want to have true, lasting, real peace and happiness then we have to go to the source of it - our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ. They are the source of all truth, peace and happiness. And not only that, but they are also the Source of all creation, including us. So instead of figuring out where we stand according to the world, we need to figure out where we stand according to God because He is the father of our spirits. Only by staying connected to who we really are, our spirit, will we find the peace and happiness we seek.
Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
In this post, I want to talk about the the other end of the pride stick - the lie of "I'm better than". Most of us don't want to admit that we have this thought. I'm sad to admit that it is a thought and belief I have had to deal with. I've always had a strong desire to not be prideful and to not let the belief of "I'm better than" affect how I think about and treat others, but it has still been there. Unfortunately, whether we want to admit it or not, we all deal with this belief. And if we don't become aware of it in our minds and remain in denial that it is there, then it will become the belief with which we subconsciously judge and treat others. So please don't just skip reading this post because you think this is not something you deal with. We all deal with this thought. This lie and the lie of "I'm not good enough" that I talked about in my last post are the two thoughts Satan gets us to ping-pong back and forth between in order to keep us completely confused about who we truly are.
Let me illustrate this for you again with my pride stick diagram.
Both of these extremes lead to unhappiness and misery because they are not based in truth. These two beliefs are Satan's lies. If he can get us distracted and focused on one of these beliefs or ping-ponging back and forth between them, then he has got us. I had a friend describe this as the Pit/Pedestal Dilemma. When we are in the pit, we look up at others and think we are less than them or that we are not good enough to be where they are. When we are on the pedestal, we look down at others and think we are better than them. Its all based on comparison. When we compare ourselves as either better than or less than others, we have stepped into Satan's trap. This life is a challenge, not a competition. We are all here to learn the same thing even though we may learn it in different ways and at different times. We are not less than or better than anyone. We are all different, but equal.
I find it amazing and totally non-coincidental that I waited until now to write this post because on my trip this past week I had an experience with both of these untrue beliefs. Yes, I am not immune even though I have been working on this stuff for over a year. We will continually need to stay aware of what is going on in our minds because as soon as we don't that is when Satan sneaks in and snags us with his invisible chords and drags us slowly down that negative spiral.
Favorite Scripture #5 and #6:
Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always, lest ye be tempted by the devil, and ye be led away captive by him.
Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for Satan desireth to have you, that he may sift you as wheat.
Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 18:15, 18
But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts . . . ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not.
Book of Mormon, Mosiah 4:30
Notice the word always. We always need to be watching and praying. We have to stay aware or else Satan will ensnare us. This past week Satan caught me. I became unhappy because I allowed myself to become unaware of what I was thinking. Let me tell you what happened. I was super excited for this family trip to Hawaii. For the first time in many years, I was finally feeling confident and good about myself. I had lost 30 lbs and even more important to me than that, I had let go of a lot of the negative beliefs in my mind so I felt happy and good on the inside about me. I can't remember the last beach and sun vacation we took that I actually felt comfortable walking around in my own skin. I have always been ashamed of my body and embarrassed to be in a swimsuit. And because I felt that way about myself, I typically was an unhappy person on our beach trips. So you can imagine how excited I was that I could go on this trip to Hawaii with my family and feel happy and good about myself. Well, we get there and for the first couple days, I was unaware that I was looking around comparing myself to other women and thinking, "I look so good! People are looking at me thinking how cute I am! I even look better than her and her!" I am obviously not happy to admit that is what went through my head! I didn't even realize that was what I was thinking until a couple days into the trip when my husband asked, "What is wrong? You seem upset and you aren't happy with me? Did I do something?" And then I realized what was going on. I had allowed myself to be influenced by Satan's negative thoughts. Because I had been unaware, I was deceived and didn't notice that Satan had gotten me to slip from confidence to pride by planting some little negative thoughts in my head. I attached to those thoughts so they became what I believed was true about me. Now remember, "wickedness never was happiness." Feeling better than someone else does not make us happy!! Looking better than someone else will not make us happy!! These are untruths and false sources of identity and worth, thus believing them will only make us feel miserable! Because I had let my ego and pride overtake my quiet confidence, I had become miserable. Remember the thought cycle? Because of the negative thoughts I attached to, I felt miserable which then lead me to treat my husband miserably which then resulted in me pushing him away. Anytime we get out of balance and feel either less than or better than others, it directly affects our relationships. We push people away because we are not connected and content with who we really are. I also wasn't caring about what I ate because my belief of "I'm better than" led me to think I could eat whatever I wanted. So I started eating stuff that I knew I was allergic to and that didn't make me feel good. Now there is nothing wrong with enjoying food on a vacation, but I wasn't eating the food to enjoy it. I was eating the food to escape the negative thoughts and feelings I was having. Then because I wasn't eating well, I started to not feel good about myself. And where do you think my thoughts went then? "Oh I am so fat. I feel terrible and now I'm bloated and my gut is pooching out. I look terrible. Look at her. She looks so much better than me." Literally! Can you see how I ping-ponged? Can you see how I let Satan get me to believe one extreme and then the other, keeping me totally distracted from the truth of who I really was . . . that I was not my body! I am my spirit! I was totally distracted with these untrue beliefs, thoughts and comparisons and therefore, I was totally unhappy! By the last day of the trip, I was bursting just like my analogy of the dam bursting that I talked about in my Letting Go post. I was overflowing with negative and I ended up getting really frustrated and angry with my kids when I was stressed about finding our way to a whale watching cruise. And that's what happens! When we function on the beliefs of "I'm better than" or "I'm not good enough" we act contrary to who we really want to be. Instead of reacting to my kids with patience and love which is how I wanted to react, I reacted with anger because of all the negative thoughts that had been rolling around in my head all week. It was a great trip, but I struggled with these thoughts. I had a really cool experience on the last day of the trip which I will share with you in my next post.
Favorite Scripture #7:
For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother: Let me pull the mote out of thine eye--and behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye.
Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 14:2-5
I obviously am guilty of doing this so I am not trying to be hypocritical in saying this, but I feel that we judge others unfairly and unrighteously too much in our day and age. Because of the pressure that we have put on ourselves to be perfect, we judge and make comparisons to others in order to figure out where we stand. And typically that judgment of others is based on the outward appearance--how good of a body they have, how expensive and trendy their clothing is, how big their house is, how fancy their car is, how much money their husband makes, how great their kids look at church, how well mannered their kids are, how well they cook, how creative and crafty they are, how amazing and vintage and unique their family pictures are, how well decorated their house is, how athletic and fit they are, how many races they are doing, how amazingly they can sing or dance, and the list goes on and on. It is so easy for us to get caught up in judging people for how they appear on the outside and then declaring that they are either less perfect or more perfect than we are according to that judgment. But comparing and judging others in this way only ends up hurting us and those around us. Focusing on how we can "keep up with the Jones'" or even be better than the Jones' will never bring us contentment, peace and happiness. The sad thing is that we keep doing it thinking it will. We think that success and perfection in a worldly sense is what's going to bring us happiness. It does not! Trust me on this ok! I've said it before and I will say it again - I tried it for 22 years and I got nothing but misery and despair! If we want to have true, lasting, real peace and happiness then we have to go to the source of it - our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ. They are the source of all truth, peace and happiness. And not only that, but they are also the Source of all creation, including us. So instead of figuring out where we stand according to the world, we need to figure out where we stand according to God because He is the father of our spirits. Only by staying connected to who we really are, our spirit, will we find the peace and happiness we seek.
I mentioned in my last post that I spoke at a fireside a couple weeks ago to a group of both young women and women. At one point, I was asking them to share with me what some of their strengths were that made them different, unique and beautiful in their own way. I was really trying to get the young women to speak up. One girl said she danced. Awesome! Another young woman said she played basketball. Fantastic! Both great talents! There was only one girl left that hadn't said anything so I asked her what her gift was. She sat there for a minute obviously not knowing what to say, and then she replied, "I don't have any." My heart broke for this sweet girl in that moment. I said to her, "Yes you do. Just think for a minute. What makes you happy? What makes you different and unique?" The room was completely silent. I kept my gaze glued on her and soon tears started to well up in her eyes. Her lip started to quiver. And then with kind of a shrug and in the form of a question rather than a statement and with a note of apology that she didn't have anything better to say, she said, "I like being with people?" I immediately jumped on that and told her what an amazing gift that was. I told her that because of that she had a lot of friends and that people loved being around her because she made them feel good about themselves and happy. I told her that was a tremendous gift, talent and strength. After the fireside, I talked to her mother and her young women leaders and they all said that that was definitely her strength. She was a people person and people loved being around her. But because its not an outward talent that is easily seen, recognized and acknowledged, she didn't think it was a talent at all. I remember feeling this way too when I was young and even into my young married life. I had a sister who was an amazing scrapbooker, another sister who was an amazing photographer, and another sister who was fit and was an aerobics instructor. I didn't do anything! I was JUST A MOM! Why do we allow ourselves to believe that if we don't have an outward, physical, easily seen and recognized talent or gift that we are nothing? Do gifts of the heart and soul not count as talents? Why do we even let ourselves say that we are JUST a mom when that is the greatest thing we can be? There are so many women out there that would give anything to be JUST a mom. My dear sweet friends, we are defining ourselves according to the wrong standards and that is why we are depressed and unhappy. That is why we have negative behaviors and addictions to try and escape the pressure of feeling like we need to be perfect. The gospel of Jesus Christ does not say we have to be perfect now. I think we are confused by the following scripture in Matthew 5:48:
Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
The footnote for perfect says it means complete, finished, fully developed. Are we any of those things yet? NO! God asks us to do the best we can, striving every day for that ultimate perfection. Then in the end after all we can do and have done, only with Christ's grace and mercy will we be able to be complete, finished, and fully developed. We have to stop thinking we have to be perfect now, especially according to the standards of the world because as I said in my last post, that is impossible because those standards are constantly changing. Being completely perfect is not possible now, but it is totally possible to be perfect in some things. We all have areas in which we excel and we all have areas in which we struggle. But no matter what those areas are, we are all powerful, beautiful, brilliant women of God and we all have a purpose on this earth! God needs each one of us to help Him in His purpose of bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of all men!! We each have a work to do and that work will be accomplished in and through our gifts and talents, our weaknesses and flaws, and our trials and experiences. This is exactly what I have experienced in my life over the past year. For 22 years, I wondered what my trial was all for. Why on earth did it have to last so long? Why couldn't relief and peace have come sooner? I still don't know the answer to those questions, but what I do know is that it happened that way for a reason. In order to cope and deal with my life during my hard times, I wrote in my journal profusely. Due to that, I developed a love of writing. And due to that love of writing and the trials I went through, I felt the need to do this blog. I have begun to understand part of the reason my life was as it was by doing this blog. I have heard from several of you saying that my being real about what I have been through has given you hope and courage to continue on. I am so grateful that I've been able to help in some way. It has brought me so much joy and happiness knowing I can help some of you out there who are where I was. But this isn't about me. It is all about what God is doing with me. I am being a tool in His hand to accomplish His work and it has brought me unspeakable joy. God uses the meek and simple things of the earth to accomplish His grand purposes. God is using my talents and what I have been through to help others and that's what He intends to do with all of us if we will let Him.
Another example of how God uses our trials and experiences to bless others comes in the story of Joseph Smith losing the 116 pages of manuscript. Not only did Joseph Smith learn an incredible lesson that would greatly help him as he continued on as the Prophet of the Restoration, but his experience also teaches us an incredible lesson. The Lord chastised Joseph for losing the manuscript and I absolutely love what the Lord says to him. Remember, what the Lord says to one, He says to us all.
Favorite Scripture #8:
For, behold, you should not have feared man more than God. Although men set at naught the counsels of God, and despise his words--
Yet you should have been faithful; and he would have extended his arm and supported you against all the fiery darts of the adversary; and he would have been with you in every time of trouble.
Behold, thou art Joseph, and thou was chosen to do the work of the Lord, but because of transgression, if thou art not aware thou wilt fall.
But remember, God is merciful; therefore, repent of that which thou hast done which is contrary to the commandment which I gave you, and thou art still chosen, and art again called to the work . . . .
D&C 3:7-10
Joseph Smith had started to fear man more than God and that is what led him into temptation and wrong doing. The same happens to us. As soon as we fear and worry about what everyone else thinks of us, we are allowing ourselves to be led into Satan's paths. Satan's paths are not only the paths of gross crimes and sins. His paths are any that lead us off THE path of peace and happiness. "Wickedness never was happiness"! These beliefs of "I'm not good enough" and "I'm better than" are Satan's paths because they are not the truth of who we really are. The Lord says in these verses that God would have extended His arm and supported Joseph in every time of trouble and temptation. He will do the same for us if we will turn to Him instead of trying to please and be acceptable to the world. I also love where the Lord says, "if thou art not aware thou wilt fall". That is so true for all of us! If we are not aware of how Satan is deceiving us in our minds, we will fall into his traps of misery, despair, and unhappiness. Just like I did on my trip. So let's repent just as the Lord told the Prophet Joseph to do! Let's trap our negative thoughts in our black book! Let's do the write and burn and let go of our negative feelings! Using these tools enables us to identify Satan's deceiving influence and cast him out of our minds! And then when we do that, we can move forward with power and purpose accomplishing our divine work on this earth. The Lord told Joseph that if he would repent he would again be called to the work. The same is true for us. When we are connected to our spirit and we repent and let go of the negative, we unite ourselves more closely to God, the father of our spirit. And when we do that, we will be able to let Christ's light shine more brightly and powerfully through us enabling us to accomplish the work that God sent us here to perform.
Let's please let go of the judgments we place on ourselves and on others. We all came to this earth to be tested, tried, refined and purified. This was God's plan and none of us are exempt. Through our free agency, we agreed to this plan and chose it which is why we are here. We all have stories. We all have a past. We all have hard and painful things we have gone through or are going through. We all have stuff that we need to repent of and change.
Favorite Quote #42:
Instead of making an initial judgment of a person, may we try to get to know them a little better. May we try to understand what they are going through or have been through instead of judging them by what they are doing or what they look like.
Favorite Quote #43:
Don't judge another person until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
We all have weaknesses, but we also all have strengths. We all have trials and hardships, but we also all have victories and successes. There is just no way to compare or judge because we are all going through different stuff in different ways and at different times. We are all different, but equal. And in the end, we are all here to learn the same thing - how to be more like Jesus Christ. If we are Christians, then we need to act more as Christ would act.
Favorite Scripture #9:
In the words of President Uchtdorf, we just need to "STOP IT!" May we please look at ourselves and others with more mercy and love. Instead of saying "I'm not good enough" or "I'm better than", let's say "I'm equal to". Let's realize that we all have weaknesses that we struggle with. Let's realize that we all have hard trials that we have to deal with in life. Let's realize that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have and what they know. Let's be there for each other and love each other instead of judging each other. Begin with yourself. As we stop judging ourselves harshly, we will stop judging others harshly. And when one of us can be real with ourselves instead of trying to be perfect and better than everyone else, then it helps others be real too. When we open up and share our real selves with each other, we impact others' lives for good. We help others to find hope and to feel that they are not alone. Let's be more Christian Christians and see ourselves and others the way Christ sees us. He sees our potential and our greatness! He sees our power and what we are capable of! He sees our goodness and our hearts! May we find more peace and joy in our lives by seeing ourselves and others as we truly are - powerful and beautiful spirit sons and daughters of God!
In my next post, I want to share with you the HOW of thinking and acting in this more Christlike way. Because once again isn't that what we are asking? How do I keep myself centered and balanced? How do I keep myself from slipping to the "I'm not good enough" or "I'm better than" extremes? I will tell you. So stay tuned. And in the meantime . . .
be.YOU.tiful!!!
Favorite Quote #42:
I don't like that man. I must get to know him better.
Abraham Lincoln
Favorite Quote #43:
Don't judge another person until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
We all have weaknesses, but we also all have strengths. We all have trials and hardships, but we also all have victories and successes. There is just no way to compare or judge because we are all going through different stuff in different ways and at different times. We are all different, but equal. And in the end, we are all here to learn the same thing - how to be more like Jesus Christ. If we are Christians, then we need to act more as Christ would act.
Favorite Scripture #9:
. . . for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7
In my next post, I want to share with you the HOW of thinking and acting in this more Christlike way. Because once again isn't that what we are asking? How do I keep myself centered and balanced? How do I keep myself from slipping to the "I'm not good enough" or "I'm better than" extremes? I will tell you. So stay tuned. And in the meantime . . .
be.YOU.tiful!!!
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